Softball Dudes Must Have Big Bats ....

So I was driving down Industrial Park Road the other night, going somewhere really important I’m sure when I rolled up on one of the softball fields here in town. This is the one right next to the fire station, across the street from the mall. Anyway, there were some games going on and there was a pretty big crowd. Apparently the first game had just ended as there were several players and fans crossing the street to the parking lot.

As I was sitting there waiting for them to all cross I noticed that all the women were, uh, hot. Seems as though almost each of these softball players had really hot young wives/girlfriends. Then I looked over at the field and noticed a group of about eight or so women leaning against the fence down teh first base line and noticed that they were hot too. All were there wearing their Daisy Dukes and white tank-tops.


I was starting to enjoy the view when the guy behind me honked and I looked up and realized that it was clear and I could move on. So, I flipped the guy off and left.

But, as I was leaving I started wondering about something. Since when did “Softball Dude” start getting all the babes? I’ve played softball, and there weren’t any of these babes hanging around back in the day at all. These girls do know that Softball Dude isn’t going to be playing Major League Baseball, right? I mean, he’s not going to be making $13 million a year playing for the Yankees anytime soon. Even if he does play softball games as if he thinks each game is the seventh game of the World Series.

Sure, you expect to see all these country girls in their tight short shorts at the rodeo. That’s totally understandable that rodeo guys would have hot groupies. Those guys are rough and rugged and really manly. And they’ve all got that sexy stubble and are wearing cowboy hats that all the women swoon over. Not to mention those awesome HUGE belt buckles. Those are hot too. So, everybody knows that babes love the cowboys.


But, Softball Dude just doesn’t make any sense to me. Those guys are usually pricks. They always bitch when anyone makes an error of any kind. They yell at people to “hustle” all the time or get pissed if they don’t think a teammate is running out a ground ball like he should. And when they hit a pop-up they throw the bat in disgust. So what exactly is so appealing about these dudes? And I’m not exaggerating the level of hotness that was there either. Seriously, race car drivers don’t have girls this hot hanging around. Okay, maybe they do, but you get the idea.

Anyway I’m thinking about playing softball again for the first time in years. I was pretty good at. I played right field. They put me out there where I couldn’t hurt anyone because of my laser, rocket arm. And I did hit a home run once. Yup, clobbered that thing right over the fence and the center fielder and left fielder slammed into each other while trying to catch the ball. Neither caught the ball and it rolled all the way to the fence as I circled the bases with blinding speed. Home. Run. Baby.

After I scored I was all excited and ready to celebrate. But, everybody was all like “Dude, what are you celebrating for? Wendell and Joey are both being taken off on a stretcher. Show some class.” Turns out those guys both had concussions and had to be taken to the hospital. I swear, some people will do anything to ruin my moment.

I don’t know, maybe someday there will be a group of eighteen year old babes all in their Daisy Dukes yelling and cheering when I dominate at online ping-pong.