Anyway, I’m sure he is in no way trying to do the old “OMG the big scary black guy is coming after all the white chicks” thing. He’s got way too much integrity to do something like that. No, what he’s trying to say (and seriously, if you have to explain your ads how effective can they be) is that Obama’s popularity is purely superficial and he is a person of no substance. Just like Brittney and Paris.
Well, I thought it would be a good time to do a little interview with a couple of John McCain’s biggest supporters. And since they support Johnny Mac, you know they are deep, thoughtful, Christian people.
I’m talking about Heidi and Spencer from The Hills, of course.
Me: “Hi-de Heidi!” haha
Heidi: *stares with a confused look on her face*
Me: “Uh .. Hello Heidi, thanks for being here today”
Heidi: “Yeah whatever. Are you sure your important enough to be interviewing me. I’m a pretty big deal ya know.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s cool. I promise. My blog has a big audience.”
Heidi: *smiles and bounces up and down* “I’m so excited!”
Me: “Hellooooo Spencer .. Spencerino ... Spence .. How are things in Spencylvania?” haha
Spence: “Huh? What are saying dude? I’ve never been to Spencylvania. I live in LA dude.”
Me: “HO-Kay ... anyway, let’s just start the interview whaddaya say?”
Heidi: “Totally”
Spence: “Cool”
Me: “So you guys are both big supporters of John McCain?”
H&S: *stare blankly*
Me: “The guy running for President?”
H&S: “Ohhhh .. haha .. absolutely. He’s cool!”
Me: “Why are you supporting him?”
Heidi: “Well, I support John McCain because he is a ... a ... *shows notes to Spencer*
Spencer: *whispers* “Maverick .. you know, like Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun?’”
Heidi: “RIGHT! He’s a maverick who is in...de..pen..dent of his party. You know that’s important! I go to a lot of parties and it’s important to remember that the person who throws them is NOT responsible for stupid shit people do.”
Spencer: *Nods in agreement*
Me: “Ok. Anything else?”
Heidi: *looks back down at notes* “Well, he is a decent and honest man who served his country in war. I think he was in that Afghanistan place or something.”
Spencer: “You dummy! We’re not fighting in Afghanistan. It’s Pakistan.
Me: “No, we are fighting in Afghanistan, not Pakistan.”
Spencer: “Really?”
Heidi: “HA! Take that! I was right.”
Me: “Well, not about McCain. He didn’t fight in Afghanistan.”
Spencer: “Right! Cause he’s way to old for that. It was like World War I, right?”
Heidi: “Now who’s the dummy? America didn’t fight in WWI.”
Me: “Umm .. yeah we did actually.”
Heidi: “Really? Did we win?”
Me: “Yes we did.”
Heidi: “Yay!”
Spencer: “U-S-A!”
Me: “Anyway, John McCain fought in Vietnam.”
Heidi: “Huh? Where’s that?”
Spencer: “Oh yea .. you know .. that’s where Tila Tequila is from or her family is or whatever.”
Heidi: “How do you know that about that little slut? Hmm??”
Spencer: “Hey, she has a show on the same network with us. I just thought I should know these things.”
Heidi: “You are so dead.”
Spencer: “What?”
Me: “Ok, lets get back on track here. You support McCain because of his heroism in Vietnam, right?”
Heidi: “Right. Oh yea. He was like kidnapped when we was there.”
Spencer: “He wasn’t ‘kidnapped’ he was taken prisoner.”
Heidi: “Same thing. Anyway, he’s like a real badass too. Got kidnapped and then escaped. And, they’re still trying to kidnap him to this day.”
Spencer: “What?”
Heidi: “Didn’t you see that when he was in like Iraq and he was out in public and they had him covered in armor from head to toe. And they had like 100 Marines surrounding him and tanks and helicopters. Those people that he escaped from are still pissed apparently.”
Spencer: “That’s seriously badass there!”
Heidi: “Totally!”
Me: “Right. Well, are there any other reasons why you support McCain?”
Heidi: “No I think we about covered it.”
Spencer: *nods in agreement*
Me: “Okay then. Thanks for your time”
Heidi: “Oh no problem whatsovever. Hey, did you bring a camera? I thought maybe you would want some pics for your blog. I’m pretty popular you know. But, nothing too risqué. I’m totally a Christian and good girl who is totally a better person than LC and Audrina.”
Spencer: *rolls eyes*
Heidi: “What? Oh why don’t you just go find your little Vietnamette chick.”
Spencer: “It’s Vietnamese you idiot.”
Heidi “Whatever. She’s not a real American so nobody cares.”
Spencer: “Yeah, well I bet she can find Vietnam on a map.”
Heidi: “So what? She’s short and I’m a tall blonde with great boobs.”
Spencer: “Yeah, fake boobs. Which you just got so you could be on more gossip sites”
Heidi: “Like you haven’t enjoyed these? Please!”
Spencer: “Oh like you got those for ME! HA!”
Heidi: “Hey I do everything for us. My fame is what keeps us going dude. You know, come to think of your kind of like John McCain.”
Spencer: “A badass who would kick ass in war?”
Heidi: “No. You’re a pussy who could sign up and go now, but won’t.”
Spencer: “Yeah, well I don’t see you signing up.”
Heidi: “They don’t allow girls dummy.”
Spencer: “Whatever.”
Heidi: “Anyway, you’re like John McCain cause he was like nothing much until he dumped his first wife, the cripple, and married a hot chick who had tons of money. See, we’re kind of the same. You’re a nobody who is only a celebrity because your with me and my talent and hotness is what accounts for our fame.”
Spencer: “Yeah, whatever. Your ‘fame’ is pretty much a load of crap.
Everybody loves L.C. way more than you.”
Heidi: “Oh that’s it! You can just stay home when I go to the beach today and you won’t be in any of my gossip pics.”
Spencer: “Yeah, well they’ll all just be like ‘Where’s Spencer? Why isn’t he here?’”
Heidi: “OMG! That’s brilliant!”
Spencer: “What?”
Heidi: “They’ll think we broke up! They’ll be talking about us for weeks! We’ll both be like ‘No comment’ and stuff like that.”
Spencer: “That’s brilliant babe! I love it. Have fun at the beach!”
Me: “Well I’ll be going now. Thanks for the interview.”
Heidi: “Huh? Oh sure whatever. Be sure make to me look hot. Mention my perfect body at some point okay? And how much better of an actress I am than Lauren Conrad. I notice SHE wasn’t invited for any interviews.”
Spencer: “Yeah, it was fun dude!”
Well, there you have it folks. An interview with a couple of John McCain’s smartest and most accomplished supporters. I can see why he used a couple of really vapid, self-absorbed people like Britney and Paris to compare Obama to. Having supporters like Heidi and Spencer is part of what makes McCain so superior.
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