Jesus Taped To My Door ...

So I open my door a couple of days ago and look what I find hanging on the door…


How cool is this? A little DVD to help me be a perfect better Christian. And, before you say “well, I’m a pretty good Christian already,” I gotta tell ya. According to the little booklet that came with it? No you’re not.

First of all there is a handy little timeline proving once and for all that the Earth is only 7,000 years old. They even mention Noah’s flood that created the Grand Canyon on there.


Inside the booklet there is a section explaining why you aren’t really a good Christian.


Oh, and that "We're all God's Children" thing? Hardly. The booklet makes it very clear that there are a lot of people who simply are not God's children. *coughgaypeoplecough*

Then there is the section where they point out that all other religions are inferior. And make it clear that not only are they inferior, but you should NOT respect them…


And then they finally tell you what you have to do to be a perfect good Christian. It’s a surprisingly short section too…


All in all it was kind of interesting. Lots of stuff in there. And, despite the fact that it’s illegal for any group to hang flyers on people’s doors in this town, the little booklet gave me something to read while Twitter was down for maintenance. So there’s that.

You know what this booklet really needed though? What would have really made this thing even more interesting? Babes! I think putting photos of really hot babes in these booklets would make them even more interesting. Babes like Emmanuelle Chriqui…



See how much more interesting that booklet would be with her in there?

Aaaaaaaaaaand … She is also a great example of Christian superiority. She helps drive home that point from the section that talks about that.

What’s that?

She’s Jewish?

Uhhh … Yeah … Well, okay, so that section might be open to debate a little. But, nothing else!