For instance the other day I was in Country Mart just to get a couple of items. Actually it was just a little can of mushrooms. I think anyone who saw me buying only a can of mushrooms would immediately think “Oh. Dude forgot the shrooms for the stew or spaghetti when he went to the store.” Well, that would be correct.
Anyway, there were three people in front of me in line and one person behind me. Each of only had a couple of items, but I was able to pretty tell what was going on with each person just by what they were buying.
First was a guy who looked to be maybe in his 20s who was buying two frozen pizzas, a 2 liter bottle of Coke and a bag of Always Save Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips. This guy clearly is a bachelor. Obviously he was going to have some chips during the NCAA basketball game or maybe while watching golf. Probably basketball. Then both of the pizzas for dinner and end the night by having the rest of the chips and finishing off the Coke after watching Iron Chef America, which we all knows makes people damn hungry.
Next we have a much older gentleman with gray hair and a completely white beard. He was buying what looked to be about a one pound sirloin stake, two russet potatoes and a bag of salad. Obviously he and the missus were going to crank up the grill and have some steak and baked potatoes along with a both of salad and probably a glass or two of red wine and relax and take it easy on a beautiful spring evening in the Ozarks.
BTW, speaking of wine, have any of you tried the Bota Box wines? You can get a 3 liter box for only around $16.00 and the Merlot is actually not all that bad. I mean, it’s not going to score in the 90 in Wine Spectator or anything, but for a very basic, inexpensive table red it’s not all that bad. You can get it at Wal-Mart. Assuming Wal-Mart is allowed to sell alcohol where you live.
Anyway, back to my post …
Next in line was a VERY hot chick. Long, dark brown hair pulled back into a pony tail that cam almost half-way down her back. Looked to be around 5’ 10” or so with beautiful sparkling blue eyes and a really firm ass. She was buying a loaf of white bread, a package of “light” bologna, a small jar of Miracle Whip and … and I’m not making this up … a package of LIVER CHEESE!
Now, I really have no idea what this chick was doing for the evening, but she was clearly going to be alone. You just don’t eat a bologna and liver cheese sandwich on white bread that has been smothered with the most disgusting substance known to man if you aren’t eating A-Fucking-Lone. In fact, her hotness level when down several notches when I saw what she was buying.
Maybe she and bachelor guy should meet? Or maybe not. I mean, I know what brings a man to eat two frozen pizzas, a bag of nacho cheese tortilla chips and drink a two liter bottle of coke by himself. That I have some experience with. But, what terrible things could be going on in a person’s life to result in her eating a bologna and liver cheese sandwich with Miracle Whip? I don’t even wan to think about that.
But, this does give me an idea for a brilliant business/hobby. Grocery store match-maker. I could just hang out near the check out isles and look through what people are buying and then match them up with people they might be compatible with based on their food purchases. And maybe recommend a nice wine too. Hey, it would be about as scientific as most dating sites.
Hell, I really wouldn’t have to hang out at the grocery store
Of course this wouldn’t be a free service, but I’m not greedy so it wouldn’t be too expensive. The fee for women would be less than for men of course. And for men there would be a sliding scale. A base fee for finding a match and then he would have to pay a bonus if he got a blow job or got laid. If the experience was unsatisfying for the woman he would have to pay another fee and write a letter of apology to the lady.
But, if you love liver cheese, bologna and miracle whip on white bread, I don’t think I can help you.
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