Monday, May 12, 2008

not an obsession at all.

it's kinda ridiculous, that after today i thought life was just gonna be great, wonderful, fun, and gravy!

my thought's exactly:
"YAYYY!!! MAY 12TH, AND EVERYTHING'S OVER! NO MORE WORRIES ABOUT AP TESTS! NO MORE WORRIES ABOUT THE JUNIOR PROJECT! I'LL BE FREEEEE!!! IT'LL BE SUMMMMMERRR!!!"

too bad, that's not the case. atleast, not anymore.
of course i still have school to worry about... precalculus... presenting my junior project... finals. ugh. but today has just been sucky. i made my dad and my siblings wait for me after school for an hour, because ap tests took so long. and then when i got out just seemed depressed. turned out my cousin got suspended from school. but that's not the bad part. the bad part is that my dad's not going to have a job soon. *sigh* i want to cry. life's going to be so hard, and we're not going to have anymore money. how are we going to pay for this house? for our cable? for our phone bills? for gas? for insurance? for food? for clothes? for our old house? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. my head hurts. my heart hurts. i'm worried now. i don't really know what's going on anymore. maybe my dad's just exagerating about everything, i dont know. i have a feeling though, that my mom's gonna be really mad when she gets home... and i dont feel up for that. i'm sick, and i've been sneezing and blowing my nose all day. blah. i dont feel like i want to do anything. i just ate two hot dogs with rice and now i feeel sick.

today is a bad day. but maybe it's not as bad as it seems? my dad told me he's not going to have a job soon, but he's still out and about doing his own things in the backyard. maybe it's really not that bad. maybe things will work out. of course everything's going to be okay, everything's almost always okay, no matter what, but i still worry.

i should've studied harder for my ap test. then i could've atleast passed it, since it wasnt even that difficult! my parents $84 wouldn't have gone to waste if i did. shame on me. i'm not even going to ask for a yearbook anymore. i don't deserve it. my homecoming royalty page, will just be lost in my highschool memories. but whatever, i don't care anymore. there are more important things.



today, when we stopped for gas, a lady asked my dad for a quarter so she could get a drink. he told her he only had $5 for gas. i realized that i didnt have a quarter either. then i thought back to the other day, to when i tried to save those rabbits my dad found, but only wound up making the whole entire situation worse, and most likely killing those two poor baby rabbits. (i wont go into details.) it sucks that we can't fix the world. it sucks that nobody's going to just wisk out of the sky and save us. i guess it's okay though. we are our own saviors. i'll just save myself, and whoever i can save, on the way. omg, now my mom is home, and mad.. and yelling.

ahhh!
- pachia

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