A couple years ago a fantastic story emerged from the underbelly that is the Internet.
The story: In some country where laws were basically non-existent — I think it was in Thailand or something like that — a fight promoter organized a one-of-a-kind exhibition match. In one corner, an entire midget wrestling team of something like 42 members; in the other corner, a full-grown, completely wild lion. Bets were being taken by high rollers and commoners alike, and even the Thai government put their foot in the match by officially sanctioning it under the condition that no video or still images be made at the event. The result: something like 38 of the midget wrestlers were killed outright by the lion and the other four were horribly disfigured and now had bloody stumps where their various sausage limbs were once located. (Maybe it's morbid, but I would have paid to see that video.) Of course, several days after the story announcing the match results broke, the whole match was ruled a fake, a semi-elaborate hoax to generate some laughs.
Well, in the spirit of the Midgets vs. Lion fight, I have stumbled (small thanks to the current issue of Esquire) onto How Many Five-Year-Olds Can You Take in a Fight?, a hilarious Web site that asks a hilarious question. Check out the site and click through the small questionnaire, which asks: Do you have any experience fighting swarms? Have you ever been trampled? In a desperate fight would you resort to biting and/or eye-gouging? During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children? After you've answered all the questions, it shoots out the number of five-year-olds you could take in a fight. Mine is 28. I'm fairly certain I could take 28, but if they're these modern-day kids with Oreo-causing obesity and video-game callouses, then I'm going to expand that number to like 50.
28
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