my secret lion

I think senior year has definitely been a year of self-reflection. I am mentally preparing myself for a new stage of my life--adulthood. It is kind of scary to say that my next step is adulthood. To be eighteen and an "adult" seems really unnerving and scary. Even when I am 18, 19...21, I do not think I will be an adult yet.

I am having more self-reflecting moments because of English. In English, we read an essay in our book called The Secret Lion by Alberto Alvaro Rios. It is set in the POV of a boy who hits junior high. He reflects on the moments he and his best friend had in their childhood summers and how they became disillusioned and had to grow up. He talks about that weird middle school period (yes we all know that period) where girls are different, you feel different, adults always scold you when you do not know things, and adults assume you are supposed to know certain things but no one taught you those things.

The story was kind of disheartening because it made us realize how in one year, in one second, it was like a carpet was pulled from underneath us. One year, we reach a certain period and adults pull that carpet, that security blanket from underneath us and tell us "okay now it is the time to grow up and now you should know how everything in the world should work". It really doesn't make sense, but it happens. I wake up one day, 17 and half, still a teenager, a child, but I am pushed towards being an adult, to make my own decisions, fill out my own forms, remember my social security number, etc. I had to do it on my own and no one taught me how. And if I asked a question, I was scolded as if I should know. Well I don't know.

The story is called the secret lion because the boy says the lion is there and it just appeared and he can't really explain where and how it got there but it happened. That is the secret lion.

So after that story, my teacher asked us to remember when our secret lion moment happened and I tried to remember, but I really couldn't. I know it happened but I didn't have a moment in time where I saw the secret lion. I could say it was sixth grade. When girls and boys started to like each other. I liked boys but I did not want a boyfriend. But it just started happening and I just had to go with the flow and sixth grade was really disheartening and scary because everyone was trying to grow up so fast for no reason. I think that is when I had my secret lion moment.

I am a little more depressed thinking about how I have to grow up after watching Peter Pan on tv. I really love that movie but now I come to understand it a little more watching it at my age. The whole struggle of you either have to learn how to be an adult to enjoy those adult feelings of love and family or you have to remain a child. It is a really bad ultimatum. I was really sad that Peter Pan lacked the whole family and love all because he didn't want to grow up. It was sooo sadddd to me. Why can't he have a family and love and still not grow up? BECAUSE SOCIETY WORKS IN HORRIBLE WAYS AND YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE. I want to be greedy and have it all and not grow up. But life doesn't work that way.

I stay home for one day without anything to do and this is what television does to me. Make me depressed about how life works. Thanks tv.

To be happy, just look at Jeremy Sumpter. Where is this kid? I hate how good kid actors just disappear after one good movie. I loved both the lead kid actors. They were great. Overall, this was a great Peter Pan movie. It was done really well and you feel sympathy for Captain Hook too. Though the kid sexual tension between the two is a little much. But it is cute.

He is still hot now.



<3

--ck.