Well okay, it's not really 2009 right now, while I'm typing this. And it won't yet be 2009 when I post it. But, work with me here people, okay?
Anyway, I guess it's time for predictions and
So here are a few predictions for 2009:
1. The hottest selling toy of the year will be the Governor Rod Blegojevich Action Figure. Mostly because of it's cool accessories.
- The doll comes with three different outfits for him to wear. A business suit for work. A jogging suit so he can run out of his house and meet with the media for a few minutes. And a bright orange prison jump suit.
- A bag full of hair care accessories. Combs, brushes, mousse, hair spray and a blow drier to help keep that awesome helmet head haircut looking good.
- A suitcase full of unmarked non-sequential $100 bills.
- And the best part is the
2. A massive cold front will grip the U.S. in the middle of February. People as far south as Jackson, Mississippi and as far west as Las Vegas will be iced in. Al Gore will give a hastily put together speech saying that this is a result of "Global Cooling" and is man-made and can only be stopped by the elimination of electric and hybrid cars.
3. The Political world is rocked when pictures of Nancy Pelosi and Sarah Palin wearing leather dominatrix outfits and whipping Bill Clinton and New Gingrich are published by the National Enquirer.
4. Natalie Portman will see the error of her ways and show up at my door one night with the torn up remains of her restraining order against me in her hands ready to beg me for forgiveness and to take her in. But, he hopes will be dashed when the door opens and she sees Olivia Munn in my kitchen making me Beef Stew while wearing her Princess Leia outfit.
Then poor Natalie will scream "HOW COULD YOU!" at me. Or maybe at Olivia, it'll be tough to tell. Then she'll throw the torn up remains of my restraining order on the ground and run to her car while sobbing uncontrollably. She will then sit in her car for a while crying and cursing the bitter twist of fate that has befallen her.
Of course, Olivia will run over and clean up all the paper scraps on the floor, including the scraps that fell on the patio outside. She likes to keep the place tidy, ya know.
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Okay, on to some resolutions ...
After my "How to be a Better Stalker and Stalkee" post, along with the "Room with a View" post that ended up with my neighbor making a cameo while I was video taping the view out my peephole, I don't think it's possible to raise the level of creepiness of this blog. So, I'm not even going to try. But, here are a few things I will make an effort to achieve ...
1. In honor my good friend Vinny Bond, I will no longer make fun of that decrepit, crime-filled, blight on the American South's landscape that gives ghettos a bad name city of Memphis that he calls home. (Hey, it's not 2009 yet!)
I'm doing this just for you Vinny. I hope you appreciate it.
Besides, how could I waste so much time and creative energy making fun of Memphis when a city like Detroit exists?
2. I will post on this blog a minimum of six days a week. Even if I just don't feel like it.
3. I will give up tequila completely.
4. Hell I'll even give up Tila Tequila completely.
5. I will make a real and honest effort to make sure that for the first time in the history of this blog, the number one search terms for the year will not be "Giada de Laurentiis boobs/cleavage/nude/naked/
6. I think I will even try to raise the intellectual level of this blog and try to be taken more seriously by not posting any pics of half-naked babes anymore.
Ohhhhhhhhhh darn! Looks like I had my fingers crossed when I made those resolutions!
Sucks!
Well, I guess I'll just have to come up with some vague resolution about being a better blogger and more decent person or some shit like that. Whatever.
Anyway, hope everyone has a great New Year and I hope that 2009 is the best year EVER!
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