First Pictures Of The Payson Utah Temple

How totally kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-yer-neck fantastic is this??? It was just sent to me in an email with the following message:

Before you view this pic… please absolve me of any punitive issues associated with it … I don’t endorse it… just doing my citizen’s duty of informing my leader… simply an informative pass-on from a nutty cousin who makes fun of us country folk …I can provide his name, soc. sec. #, membership #, and his blood sample if you would like to send plagues his way…

If that is your decision… I’d recommend the fly & frog plague to start with…

g.

The "g" stands for George Pearson. No idea who the hell George Pearson is. Over the years several people have, in fact, asked me if I'm related to him. No idea. Never crossed paths at a family reunion. But he does refer to me as his leader - which totally earns him brownie points. And us Pearson's do have nutty cousins. Half of them are married to dudes in jail and one even married her step father. And, while I do violently reject being included in the "us" country folk reference and have no freaking desire to have a sample of Nutty Cousin's blood sent my way, I am thrilled to have received this giggle 'til I fall down picture.

There are still so many silly notions about what goes on in Mormon temples - just the other day I was seriously asked if it was true that I was, umm, intimately probed during the washing and anointing. Umm... eeeeewwwww. And... umm...NO. Although, in the early days I am told that said washing and anointing were performed a bit less carefully than they are now causing my very own grandmother to yell, "Get your goddamn hands off my tits!" to the poor little temple worker. Grandma never went back. My little sister went once and never returned again either - but not because someone accidentally boobed her. As a woman she said she felt, "Like a puppy left out in the rain." For many years I have wished I could have looked out for myself like my sister and grandmother. Things would have been very different for me. But it's all good - I look out for myself now and that's what matters.

While I no longer hold any silent allegiance to the magical inner workings of the temple, I do still love my family and friends that do and therefore stay silent. Publicly anyway. But I will say this: as a Mormon, my favorite joke when asked about the temple was, "If you have no problem with goat's blood and public nudity, you'll be fine." Of course there's no sacrificing of either animals or modesty - anyone looking for that scene would be bitterly disappointed and bored out of their minds. However, I cannot speak for this new Payson Temple. It scares the shit out of me.

So, George Pearson - whoever you are, thank you for the belly laugh. And the allegiance to your leader. And the acknowledgement of her mighty power. But Honey, when sending plagues, I never start with flies and frogs.

I always start with flying m...onkeys.