Edward Hates Vaginas

Huh.

Referring to the above photo shoot that accompanied This Very Entertaining Article Robert Pattinson said, "I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."

So, now the Internet is all abuzz with wondering if Edward Cullen is, in fact, gay. Will this affect the Twilight film trilogy? Will it cut short the expected long life of the franchise? And my favorite question - if he really is gay, will females stop screaming and creaming over him because he is suddenly "even more unattainable?"

Seriously? Because he was totally attainable before? If not for the gay thing he would taking little Kylie to her prom and rubbing Judy's feet while she and her friends are having happygasms at their Twilight book club? Oh my God.

Robert Pattinson is an actor. He had a lucky break with a Harry Potter film and an even luckier (WAY luckier) break landing the role of Edward the sexy, brooding, peeping Tom of a romantic, protective, sparkly, suicidal vampire. Is he gay? Who the hell knows? He hasn't done the wild thing with any guys I know. So, he hates vaginas. Queen Elizabeth does too but no one's calling her a gay man. Besides, I've dated straight guys with the same problem. Yay me.

And even if he is gay, we women have been falling for gay guys our whole lives - whether we know it or not. Rock Hudson was the sexy pin up dude for decades before anyone knew he was gay. In high school I fell in love with Richard Chamberlain in The Thornbirds and literally sat down in the BYU parking lot and shed betrayed-by-the-one-straight-man-left-in-my-life tears when told that, given a choice, Father Ralph de Bricassart would rather ravage my father, and not me, on Matlock Island.

Truth is, a very large number of the men and women that we watch in movies and on TV are secretly gay or bisexual. Welcome to it. It's all an illusion anyway.

Maybe Edward is straight and just doesn't like being surrounded by strange vaginas for 12 hours when he is hungover. Can't say as I blame him. Or maybe he is gay. Will that change how some females watch the Twilight movies? Probably. It is all about illusion but that illusion is all about fantasy. And no one wants their favorite fantasies ruined.

I guess I understand. If any of you guys out there have played Kiss Kiss Bang Bang with Gerard Butler, I am begging you to keep it to yourself.

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