No Bimbos Please ...

Okay, so we all know who Bridget Marquardt is, right?


Yeah, she was one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends on Girls Next Door. She was always pimped promoted as “the smart one” because she allegedly has a Master’s degree.

The reason I say “allegedly” is because I refuse to believe that a woman could actually go to the time and effort to earn Master’s degrees and then allow herself to be presented a total bimbo so that nobody would ever take her seriously. And I refuse to believe that she really speaks with that squeaky “I’m just a little beach bunny dingbat” voice in real life too.

Seriously? What is the deal with all of these grown women and their FAKE little girl speaking voices? It’s weird. It’s creepy. And it’s just not normal. Scroll back up and take a look at that pic again. Does she really need to talk like a little girl to get men to notice her? Are men that pathetic? Wait .. don’t answer that one.

As you may or may not know she has a new show on The Travel Channel called “Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches.” Because a woman with a Master’s degree couldn’t host “Bridget’s Favorite Historical Sites” on The History Channel. Or anything else that didn’t have her in a string bikini, I guess. I’m not really blaming Bridget here, though. I’m sure that most network bigwigs look at her and the only thing they think of for her to do is “Bridget’s Sexiest Something.” Then again, you spend a few years as one of Hugh’s three girlfriends and you kind of box yourself into certain stereotypes. But still, labels and stereotypes suck and it shows a real lack of creativity that this is all they could come up with for her. Or whatever.

Anyhoodle, I’ve avoided this show so far. I got so sick and tired of the constant promoting of that show while I’m trying to watch some man crush Anthony Bourdain goodness. This happens a lot on all the networks though. They promote the hell out of a show for so long that when it finally premieres I don’t give a shit. Although, I didn’t really give a shit about Bridget’s show anyway.

But, a couple of days ago I went on an exhaustive search through 300 plus channels looking for something to watch and finally gave in and gave Bridget’s show a try. And I’m really sorry I did. I really should have turned on something far less annoying. Like The View or Fox News. You know, shows or networks that only make me want to pick the TV up and throw it through the window instead of go out and kill small kids and old people.

About three minutes into the show I had to turn the volume down. And I’m not talking about how I used to watch “Charmed” with the volume muted either. I had to turn it down because of Bridget’s high-pitched annoying squeaky voice. I swear it was just driving me crazy. And we’re talking bad crazy, not good crazy here. Finally, after about the 7,832nd squeaky “OHHHHHHHHHH WOWWWWWWW!” I gave in and just turned it over my old stand by Food Network.

Speaking of Food Network, they have a new show they are pimping also. This one is called “5 Ingredient Fix” hosted by Claire Robinson and she makes meals using only .. uh … five ingredients, I think. Anyway, I’m sure the show will be fine and I’m sure Claire is an excellent cook and all that stuff. But I just don’t know if I can watch her show.

Why? Well, I admit that this is totally unfair, but oh well.

Claire…


Heidi Fleiss …


Yeah, that was probably kinda mean.


Okay, actually this whole post may make me look bad. But, not worse than I already look most of the time I guess. I’m not really all that superficial, I swear. And it really isn’t all about the squeaky voice. It’s the FAKE squeaky voice that bugs me. And the FAKE personality. And women who are really very smart who seem to think that they can’t show anyone how smart they are for whatever reason. And TV networks who only want super smart women as hosts if they pretend to be dumb and have fake tits.