welcome your long lost friend

first up,
why my facebook in malay wan? :/

hello hello i'm still alive don't worry!! yours truly have been busy being sick in malacca, and now busy earning money for building fund. i still have about 30% to go. *phew* praise the Lord!

confession: i think i gained weight. lots of weight omgod!!

i remember i used to stand in front of the mirror and wish that i was slightly fatter so that i look healthier and that my boobs would naturally be bigger too.

and now that i have got what i wished for, i wish that i could take it back and become thin again. being fat is agonizing to my heart and self-esteem!! i've got so many body-fitting clothes and now when i wear them and look into the mirror, i feel depressed. it just doesn't look the same as last time anymore! that's why nowadays i've been wearing not so fitting clothes to hide my fats.

i know this confession of mine would bring many ketuks (knocks) on my head by those who think that i'm no where near fat. and kuchi (tickle) too by my baby dear. but this is really how i feel. to other people, i may not be fat at all. and i don't think that ppl around me are fat also. but i set high standards upon myself, and in my own standard, this is considered fat. i am fat and sad. omgod!

but don't worry, i won't go aneroxic or bulimic because i love food too much to go to that extend. i'll just force myself to exercise everyday and cut down fatty foods. omgosh i love fatty foods. fatty foods equals yummy foods. anyway, i'll also devote myself to lots of healthy foods, and drink lots of fluids to flush away all the fats. (does it work that way, though?)

in the meantime, i'll just wear lots of big clothes to cover all the unsightly parts of the body. huhu...i feel depressed :(

have to wake up early for training tomorrow. let me sleep all the sadness and fats away.

p/s: though i'm fat, i still love you guys.
p/s/s: i hope you still love me too.
p/s/s/s/: okay i just sounded like some ultra insecure freak.

love, careen.