Shoot the Chimp

When is a monkey a monkey? Now that we have a President who can claim 50% African-American heritage, apparently we can no longer call a monkey a monkey.

The New York Post ran an editorial cartoon lampooning the shooting of a rampaging chimpanzee. After the shooting one of the officers states, "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill." Immediately Al Sharpton started hollering racism. CNN ambulance-chaser Roland Martin jumped on the bandwagon, as did Baltimore's minimally educated hard left-wing liberal extremist 98 Rock morning show.

For the record, President Obama did not write the stimulus bill, or more accurately, the public sector pork barrel spending bill that will not create many private sector jobs, nor stimulate the economy. No, Congress wrote the bill. And, if you really want to be accurate, it was probably written by a bunch of high-paid Washington lawyers.

The fallout from this incident is surprising. Fearing retaliation from the racial sensation crowd, zoos across the country are now renaming monkey houses and will no longer refer to the animal as a chimpanzee. The animals will now be known as Jon Stewarts. And the facilities that contain the Jon Stewarts will now be known as Snuggies. Over time we will not think twice when the zoo tour guide says, "And over here in the Snuggie we have several Jon Stewarts that were born in captivity." "Jon Stewarts are very playful creatures, enjoying the company of other Jon Stewarts. However, some Jon Stewarts often play in poop. But remember, even though they look cute, Jon Stewarts are still wild creatures."

Additionally, our vernacular will transform over time. "Man, I can't stand my job. I work with a bunch of Jon Stewarts!" "Hey, what kind of Jon Stewart-business is going on in here?!!!" "My job is so mundane. A trained Jon Stewart could do it."

Why take a chance on being called a racist? By following the lead of zoos across the country, we can change over time and be more sensitive, avoid the pitfalls of the New York Post.