Once a year around May time when the Scandinavian snows have melted, the overflown rivers of Northern Europe have receded and the Sun in Southern Europe again begins to burn our backs, all of Europe pours onto the streets to celebrate it’s diversity and artistic heritage in one evening of music, dance and drama.
Gay men all over Europe throw parties in flats adorned with fluffy white shag pile, highly polished glass furniture and spotlessnessly cleaned bathrooms and pass small handy sized hand food around for their sun bed tanned guests to nibble on, Gin, Vodka and Tia Maria is freely and widely consumed, arms are raised in glittery blue/green shinny shirts, tight trousers (often yellow) are poured into, hands are raised above heads and hips are wiggled, for this evening is like no other it's:
T-H-E
E-U-R-O-V-I-S-I-O-N
S-O-N-G
C-O-N-T-E-S-T.
All Eurovision Winners from 1956-2009 Part One
All Eurovision Winners from 1956-2009 Part Two
Last Years Winner.
My favourite winner in recent years.
Lordi Finland’s entry in 2006.
Someone’s worst five Eurovision entries
Someone’s Top Ten Funniest Songs
My personal choice for campiest Eurovision Song ever. A fusion of Devo, Rocky Horror and Fascism.
Sometimes Eurovision manages to bring every art form into three unique minutes.
Serbia 2009
My personal favourite Eurovsion Song Ever. I defy you not to dance to this.
Spain’s Las ketchup "Aserejé"
So Almodovar this one.
Israeli transsexual Dana International winner in 1998.
Warning. Warning.
If you enter Gay clubs in London around Eurovision time you will find the past entrants performing.
Scootch. British Entry 2007
Meet the hosts of the 2010 Eurovision Song Contest which this year comes from Oslo.
Finally to ensure that the tradition and legacy of great European art and culture continues there’s a Junior Euro Vision song contest.
This is an entry from The Netherland’s called Klick Klack.
http://video.mail.ru/mail/il.dubrovsky/121/457.html
Warning
It’s from some Russian web-site and I couldn’t bear to watch it all so it could be kiddie porn, your call.
Some Interesting Un-True Facts about Euro Vision.
1. 72% of performers practice Auto Erotic Asphyxiation in the privacy of their dressing rooms before appearing. Oranges being the preferred fruit.
2. Last years Norwegian entry was found dead and naked in a Russian Hotel Bathroom after a night of sleazy sex and drugs with an as yet unknown/unidentified English Transsexual, Police enquiries ongoing.
3. 95% of performers mothers still have perms of the remaining 5% of Mothers they consume one and a half cans of hair lacquer per day. Poodles are their dog of preference.
4. 100% of Eurovision Male performers Fathers refuse to be seen out in public with their sons.
5. Dana International still has her penis, which she keeps in a jar around her neck.
6. The 2010 Norwegian entrant is indeed our very own Kier Cook Sandvik
7. The 2002 Austrian entrant keeps a harem of male sex dwarves in his basement and regularly uses them as naked human bowling balls at parties attended by high ranking E.U officials and possibly Peter Mandleson.
8. Adolph Hitler narrowly missed out on winning Euro Vision in 1939 with a ballad entitled, ‘I’m Gonna Slip Into You As Easy As I Did Poland My Dear’.
9. Celine Dion winner of Euro Vision has a small chin and Enya is so talented.
10. I love Euro Vision and will be attending a Euro Vision party at my fashion conscious 73 year old friend Ashley’s house where I will drink too much Vodka and have to perform oral sex on at least half of his guests in the bathroom, later I will vomit the contents of my stomach, 6 ‘e’s. 4 Valium, Eight Double Vodkas and enough sperm to keep Madonna and Angelina Jollie in children for the next decade over his fluffy white carpet, Ashley will be initially very angry with me but will later forgive me over a plate of fresh prawn sandwiches with the crusts cut off, that happening on Sunday evening whilst cuddled up on his white three seater sofa watching The Antiques Roadshow, so concluding a perfect Euro Vision Weekend once again.
This has been Nick Brooke inside Euro Vision so you don’t have to be.
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