So mom had a doctor’s appoint and being the wonderful son that I am, I took her up there to his office. What? Oh she’s fine. Everything is perfect. It was just a regular yearly visit thing. Thanks for asking.
I decided that after I dropped her off there at the doctor, I would run to the store just down at the bottom of the hill to get a few things. I need a birthday card for somebody, some Kleenex, hamburger buns for my Banquet Chicken Patties, nacho cheese tortilla chips and a 20 oz Pepsi. I realize that the chips, Pepsi and those breaded chicken patties are bad for me and I shouldn’t have them. Thanks for pointing that out. But, check this out. Those patties come in a big bag of like 10 for less than $4.00. That’s a bargain! What I really love though is that on the top of the package it says “Reasonable Family Bag.” That cracks me up. I guess if you have an unreasonable family you can’t have any of those.
(You may be thinking that you didn’t care what all I got in the store, but deep inside you really do. At least that’s what I read the other day on one of those “how to write better blog posts” blog posts that people do every once in a while. I can’t remember where it was or I would link to it. Basically their claim was that people like details. So, details it is!)
After I found a suitable birthday card (birthday cards really suck these days) I headed over to get my Always Save Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips. As usual, there was a woman standing there in my way, marking something off her list. She looked up at me and said:
Lady: “You caught me talking to myself.”
Me: “I do it all the time.”
Lady: “I’m just so pissed off at myself this morning. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I’ve really done it this time. Got know idea how to make it right.”
Me: “Oh. Uh … Well sorry to hear that.”
*grabs chips and goes in the opposite direction*
Anyway, I got the rest of my stuff and got out of that place before I ran into her again and she decided to expand on why she’s so pissed at herself. I find it odd how people can just up and tell a total stranger all kinds of personal stuff. I’ve never been that way. But lots and people I’ve met are. People I don’t even know tell me shit all the time. So strange.
After leaving the store I headed back up to the doctor’s office to wait for mom. I knew I was in for a wait cause this place is always behind. They start their day off way behind and don’t ever catch up. But, there was one pleasant surprise waiting for me. The place was empty when I walked in. That made me happy as I can’t fucking stand sick people. They’re so yucky. This is why I didn’t go into medicine.
The decor in this office is really something else. Walking through the door is like walking back in time to the mid 70’s. I feel like I should be wearing bell bottoms and platform shoes and be strutting to the Bee Gee’s when I walk in there.
The furniture is, in addition to being super uncomfortable, ugly as hell. And the “cushions” are so old that each of them have butt imprints from all the people who have sat on them day after day for 35 years. But, since the place was empty I was able to walk around the room and inspect each seat until I found a butt imprint that looked like mine would fit in comfortably. That was cool.
As I was walking around I checked out my options for reading materials ..
Dozens of copies of Web MD Magazine. (Weird that an online venture would go old school and put out a magazine huh?)
4 copies of Women’s Daily
6 copies of Southern Living
Several copies of Better Homes and Gardens
One copy of Rachael Ray’s magazine. Which I set on fire.
Finally I found Car and Driver. So, I picked it up and went back over to my chosen butt imprint seat and read all about the 1996 Ford Taurus SHO. Seems like a nice car. Finally after I read that magazine cover to cover and watched a bit of CNN Headline News on the TV in the corner mom was done and I was able to leave that building and leave the 1970s behind. Which I was more than happy to do.
I did have a strange desire to crank up the disco music that night though.
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