Stupid Like the Wolf ....

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a big Jeopardy fan. I like game shows in general, but Jeopardy is my favorite. The two I hate the most are Wheel of Torture Fortune and Family Feud. Oh Jesus how I hate Family Feud! I realize that Wheel of Fortune gets Jeopardy rejects, but that’s not too embarrassing cause it’s hard to get onto Jeopardy. But, obviously Family Feud gets Price is Right rejects. The dumbest people ever go on that show.

Example of Family Feud:

Host: “In what month does a woman’s pregnancy show?”

Contestant: *DING* … “AUGUST!!!!!”



Anyway, Jeopardy is the show were people show off how smart they are. They answer questions about obscure books, music and lots of mythology questions. You also have to have your geography facts down when you watch Jeopardy. And world leader and potent potables are important to study up on.

Unless of course it’s Celebrity Jeopardy. When the celebrities show up to play for money for their favorite charity, the questions get dumbed down for them. They get to answer clues like “In 2009 he became the first African American sworn in as President of The United States.”

Celebrities rarely get hard questions. They get a lot of pop culture and current events and very basic state capitals and shit like that. They almost never get asked about any President before JFK, unless it’s Lincoln and even then the clue makes it really obvious that the answer is “Lincoln.”

This way they don’t risk embarrassing the celebrity by having them standing there with a negative score after having missed questions that are so easy that those 5th graders on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” (Yes, I am) would get bored with.

Unless you’re CNN’s Wolf Blitzer….


I can’t tell you how much enjoyment I got out of watching Andy Richter completely and totally humiliate Wolf. (Not his real name btw. I think his real name is something like Walter Berkowitz. He was afraid people would think that he was related to David Berkowitz, so he changed it. Wait, that’s not true. He chanced it to Wolf Blitzer because he played guitar in a heavy metal band back in college and wanted a name that the groupies would remember. Also, he loved to do this hilarious “Hungry Like the Wolf” routine when he would get a groupie back to his room. It was corny, but the skanks loved it.)

My favorite moment of the game came when the clue was basically something along the lines of "Where was Jesus born?" and Wolfie, a man who is the son of Jewish refugees, has a B.A. in history and an M.A. from Johns Hopkins University, who worked at a reporter for Reuters in Tel Aviv and then for the Jerusalem Post, hit the buzzer and yelled out "AUGUST! "Jerusalem!" ..... BAAAAAAAAAAA .... Thanks for playing dumb ass.

I mean, it would be one thing if Andy Richter was just much faster on the button than Wolf, and Wolf never got a chance. Which is kind of what happened to the very intelligent and oh so ridiculously hot, Dana Delany. But, Wolf got his chances. He's just stupid.

And then, at the end, just to make things even more hilarious, show host Alex Trebek told Wolf that normally people in negative territory don't get to play in Final Jeopardy. But, since Wolf sucked so bad and humiliated himself since it was Celebrity Jeopardy, they were going to give him $1,000 and let him play.

CNN's chief political correspondent, who has been covering politics and the US Gov't for a couple of decades now, then missed a Roland Ray Gun Reagan question. Yeah, that wasn't embarrassing at all Wolfster. Neither is getting your ass handed to you by a goofy-ass dude who is best known as a sidekick to another goofy-ass dude.

I'm thinking Monday we're going to see a beardless Wolf Blitzer, going by the name of Will Bitzman hostin the "Situation Room."