So, as you probably already know, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi of Libya got up in front of the gang at the United and Nations and brought the crazy in a big way. This was his first chance to address the UN in his 40 years in power. And dude had a few things on his mind that he felt needed to be said.
Colonel Crazypants ran down an amazing list of conspiracies that he has been thinking about. Things like “Israel was responsible for JFK’s assassination” and how he wanted Tony Blair and George W. Bush prosecuted for the Iraq War. He also said that the Security Council should be renamed the Terrorist Coucil. Claimed that the Swine Flu was actually a biological weapon created by the Army. (I assume the US Army) and pointed out that the planes on 9/11 took off form US airports. I guess he was using this to help prove Charlie Sheen’s theory that 9/11 was an inside job.
All in all it was a pretty entertaining speech. Whacky McLoony even took a copy of the UN charter and tossed it over his should at one point. That was after he offered to allow the UN to move to Libya to “unburden the United States.” And, well after he demanded that Western Powers pay African nations some 7 trillion dollars in reparations for colonialism. Nice!
But, he ran out of time to get to some of the other conspiracies that he wanted to discuss. So, he called me up last night and asked me to run down the rest of them here on my blog. Normally of course, he would call Matt-Man. But he said that last time he did that, Matt was really drunk and started asking really personal questions that made him feel uncomfortable. So, how could I refuse his request?
So, here are some of the highlights from Gaddafi’s call last night. My Libianese (that is the language they speak in Libya, right?) isn’t that good, but I think I’ve been able to translate most of his diatribe.
- Adam totally should have won American Idol last year.
- Cancer was cured 20 years ago, but the pharmaceuticals and US gov’t agreed to suppress the cure.
- He has his share of $10,000,000 USD waiting for him in a bank account because he helped a Nigerian Prince.
- The “X-Files” was based on “real shit the US government is hiding.”
- The moon landing was faked.
- He wanted to know “What’s the deal with people who just up and stop blogging without any notice or anything?”
- Swine Flue vaccinations will turn you into a Zombie. Then he mentioned that the only way to kill a Zombie was to shoot it in the head.
- Barry Bonds was “clean” and treated unfairly.
- Augusta National was lengthened to keep Tiger Woods from winning.
- Stonehenge is just some “Fancy landscaping from back in the day.”
- The Illuminati is real!
- He wishes people would stop asking him to join their fucking Mafia on Facebook.
- That pass interference call against Miami in the 2002 BCS Championship Game was “Bool-Sheet!”
- Warren Harding never got sick. He was murdered.
- Elvis is not dead.
- Those new digital converter boxes that people who use TV antennas had to get are being used by the government to control people’s minds.
- He has studied several photos of Sora Aoi and Grant is right and I’m wrong. Her boobs ARE REAL!
- The Vatican had Pope John Paul I “whacked”
- Mark Felt couldn’t possibly have been Deep Throat. “That guy looks like a real pussy.”
- Watching porn will turn you gay.
- Scorsese (Goodfellas) was robbed at the ’90 Oscars when Kevin Costner won Best Director for “Dances with Wolves.”
- Skull & Bones club at Yale is a secret “Gay Glee Club”
Then he went into the long, drawn out story about how TWA Flight 800 was actually shot down by a guy named Bernie Smallerstein who lives on Cape Cod. He claims Bernie and his sons were shooting a new potato gun they had build and blew the plane out of the sky. But, as usual the Israeli government put pressure on the US government to cover it up. I tried to follow him on this one, but I began to get bored with it, and “Glee” was on, so I really wasn’t listening anymore. But, I promised I would pass on some of his other concerns to you, so there ya go.
--
Also, don't forget to check out our podcast "I'm With Stupid!"
Colonel Crazypants ran down an amazing list of conspiracies that he has been thinking about. Things like “Israel was responsible for JFK’s assassination” and how he wanted Tony Blair and George W. Bush prosecuted for the Iraq War. He also said that the Security Council should be renamed the Terrorist Coucil. Claimed that the Swine Flu was actually a biological weapon created by the Army. (I assume the US Army) and pointed out that the planes on 9/11 took off form US airports. I guess he was using this to help prove Charlie Sheen’s theory that 9/11 was an inside job.
All in all it was a pretty entertaining speech. Whacky McLoony even took a copy of the UN charter and tossed it over his should at one point. That was after he offered to allow the UN to move to Libya to “unburden the United States.” And, well after he demanded that Western Powers pay African nations some 7 trillion dollars in reparations for colonialism. Nice!
But, he ran out of time to get to some of the other conspiracies that he wanted to discuss. So, he called me up last night and asked me to run down the rest of them here on my blog. Normally of course, he would call Matt-Man. But he said that last time he did that, Matt was really drunk and started asking really personal questions that made him feel uncomfortable. So, how could I refuse his request?
So, here are some of the highlights from Gaddafi’s call last night. My Libianese (that is the language they speak in Libya, right?) isn’t that good, but I think I’ve been able to translate most of his diatribe.
- Adam totally should have won American Idol last year.
- Cancer was cured 20 years ago, but the pharmaceuticals and US gov’t agreed to suppress the cure.
- He has his share of $10,000,000 USD waiting for him in a bank account because he helped a Nigerian Prince.
- The “X-Files” was based on “real shit the US government is hiding.”
- The moon landing was faked.
- He wanted to know “What’s the deal with people who just up and stop blogging without any notice or anything?”
- Swine Flue vaccinations will turn you into a Zombie. Then he mentioned that the only way to kill a Zombie was to shoot it in the head.
- Barry Bonds was “clean” and treated unfairly.
- Augusta National was lengthened to keep Tiger Woods from winning.
- Stonehenge is just some “Fancy landscaping from back in the day.”
- The Illuminati is real!
- He wishes people would stop asking him to join their fucking Mafia on Facebook.
- That pass interference call against Miami in the 2002 BCS Championship Game was “Bool-Sheet!”
- Warren Harding never got sick. He was murdered.
- Elvis is not dead.
- Those new digital converter boxes that people who use TV antennas had to get are being used by the government to control people’s minds.
- He has studied several photos of Sora Aoi and Grant is right and I’m wrong. Her boobs ARE REAL!
- The Vatican had Pope John Paul I “whacked”
- Mark Felt couldn’t possibly have been Deep Throat. “That guy looks like a real pussy.”
- Watching porn will turn you gay.
- Scorsese (Goodfellas) was robbed at the ’90 Oscars when Kevin Costner won Best Director for “Dances with Wolves.”
- Skull & Bones club at Yale is a secret “Gay Glee Club”
Then he went into the long, drawn out story about how TWA Flight 800 was actually shot down by a guy named Bernie Smallerstein who lives on Cape Cod. He claims Bernie and his sons were shooting a new potato gun they had build and blew the plane out of the sky. But, as usual the Israeli government put pressure on the US government to cover it up. I tried to follow him on this one, but I began to get bored with it, and “Glee” was on, so I really wasn’t listening anymore. But, I promised I would pass on some of his other concerns to you, so there ya go.
--
Also, don't forget to check out our podcast "I'm With Stupid!"
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