1000 Words for Post #1000 ...

Yup, this is my ONE THOUSANDTH post baby. Can you believe that? Me neither. It seems kind of weird actually. Man, if I had a dollar for every post I would have, uh, one thousand dollars. Hey, that would be enough for a nice new laptop. Maybe I should have put up one of those Pay Pal buttons a long time ago and said “Like what you see here? Then donate!”

Is that considered income when people do that? Or is it considered a gift? Somebody look into that for me, will ya. Just cause I’m wondering now and I don’t want to Google it. I’m not going to put a Pay Pal button on my blog. Probably. But, it is tempting just to ask all the people who come by to look at pics of hot babes and never comment to leave a couple of bucks. It’s more than fair. I go to the time and effort looking for just the perfect picture of a smoking hot babe and post it here for you enjoyment. No mine! Yours!! I do it for those horny teenagers lonely men sitting at home alone naked on a beanbag chair surfing the net and watching infomercials late at night. They need a little pick me up every once in awhile. But, still paying a buck for it isn’t unfair.

Okay, I don’t really know where I was going with that. Other than it would be nice to have one dollar for every page view this blog has gotten. But obviously, the chances of that happening are about the same as me having sex with some young crazy hot babe. Like this chick…


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Okay, so I did know this 1000th post was coming up, but I kind of lost count. A couple of weeks ago I thought that I should do something big. But, I couldn’t think of anything that would be all that great. Other than maybe a little full frontal nudity. But, I didn’t want to scare everyone off. I also thought about a contest, but that would be too much effort.

So, I decided to get drunk and blog use post #1000 for a few toasts to be sent out to some folks today…


Toast #1 goes out to my good friend Mr. Vinny Bond.

As most of you know, Vinny will be getting married this Saturday. I feel bad that I won’t be able to be there, but I will be there in spirit Vinny. I’ll raise my glass to you and Nancy and wish you guys all the best.

And then I’ll make some smart-ass crack about how Nancy had plenty of opportunity to run away and didn’t take advantage of it. I don’t want you thinking I’m some kind of old sentimental fool, ya know. ;-)

What the hell. I’ll dedicate this first shot of bourbon to Vinny and Nance. Then another drink to them on Saturday. Here’s to Vinny and Nancy!


The next toast goes out to Lisa from “A Clear View to a New Life.” Today (Wed) is Lisa’s birthday! Even though Lisa doesn’t blog too much anymore. I still wanted to wish her a happy happy birthday. So, this shot of tequila is for you Lisa.


Oh and another Happy Birthday toast goes out to Laura over at “Living Laura.” Her birthday was, uh, last Wednesday. Oops. Sorry about that babe. Anyway, I raise this next shot of bourbon to Lisa. Happy birthday babe!


The next toast goes out to the ladies who make up the bulk of the hits to this blog. We’re talking about…

Giada de Laurentiis:


&

Rachael Ray:


It still boggles the mind how many hits I get every single day for “Giada de Laurentiis Boobs” or some variation of that, and “Rachael Ray Bikini” or some variation of that. Obviously there are a lot of sex crazed teenage boys lonely men who watch a lot of Food Network and get bored at school work and decide to search for pics of their favorites chefs/cooks.

So, this shot of tequila goes out to Giada de Laurentiis.
And this shot of bourbon goes out to Rachael Ray.


Next, I raise my glass to all the haters. The people who have left rude comments attacking me or have sent emails telling me how immoral I am, or how disgusted you are with me, or how much I obviously hate America because I don’t agree with you on every single issue. Fuck all you Gawd Damn worthless fucks. (Hey, I’ve already had 6 total shots of liquor, you can’t expect me to be diplomatic, can you?) Anyway, I drink yet another shot of tequila for those people.

Oh and just to piss off the people who email me about my immorality and shit whenever I express my support for same sex marriage here:

The next toast goes out to my Man Crush. Even though he has gotten married and had a kid and stopped smoking and seems to be softening up just a bit, this shot of bourbon goes out to Anthony Bourdain:



And this next toast is for all of my blog crushes that I’ve developed over the last 3 ½ years. These are the women of the blogosphere who are brilliant, talented, funny, thoughtful, inspiring and who I want to have sex with until my penis sends me a Cease and Desist Order. For you ladies, I raise yet another glass of tequila. What the hell, I also raise another glass of bourbon. You’re worth it.


Finally, this toast goes out to EVERYONE in the bloggerhood. It never ceases to amaze me how awesome you guys all are. My experiences and the connections I’ve made here have been beyond my wildest expectations. You guys all rock!

So on my 1000th post, I say Here’s to the Bloggerhood!

Damn I’m drunk!