Lent, Fantasy Baseball and Suicidal Roadrunners ...

Well lent is finally over.  At 12:01 am on Sunday morning I celebrated the end of lent by driving through McDonalds and getting my usual #6.  Supersized to include a 32 oz Coke and then came back home and poured some bourbon into that coke.

Okay, not really.  But that actually sounds pretty damn good, doesn’t it?  And, I DID have a Meat Lover’s Pizza from Pizza Hut Sunday night. 

Anyway, lent has finally ended and it was a spectacular minor success.  I wasn’t perfect so you can feel free to feel all superior.  But, I didn’t cave completely.  I did avoid the fast food joints.  I didn’t buy a big bag of Doritos and six 20 oz Throwback Pepsi’s with real sugar and gorge myself on them while watching basketball.  And the only alcohol I had was 1 dram of Scotch when my sister and brother in law came over.

Yeah, I’m setting the bar kinda low here, but oh well.  The problem with doing things like no junk food or soft drinks for lent is that it’s way worse than a diet.  When your dieting and you have a small bag of Doritos, you feel bad, but try to make up for it by having an extra healthy dinner or whatever.   During lent you’ve let Jesus down.  That’s pretty rough.  Lent failure guilt is much worse than diet failure guilt. 

So, I’m think next year for lent Imma do something different.  Like not observe lent at all.  I don’t know, we’ll see.

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I’ve joined a fantasy baseball league.  I named my team The Swingers.  This league is being run by THE Burl.  I haven’t a clue what I’m doing.  I didn’t know most of the players on my team after the draft.  Although as I’ve checked them out, I’m not all that unhappy with the team. 

I don’t really have anyone that will put up monster numbers like Albert Pujols, but I do have some pretty consistent players who will hopefully produce as a team.  That’s pretty much what Matt-Man did in fantasy football and it worked out just swimmingly for him. 

I do have a couple of Chicago Cubs on my roster though.  This makes me very uncomfortable.   I would hate for some of that Cubs Fail to rub off on The Swingers.  So, I might have to do something with those guys if things start going badly. 

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Okay, so I’m driving along minding my own business this afternoon, just enjoying the beautiful spring weather here in the Ozarks, right?  As I’m cruising along at 85 mph the speed limit of 45 mph on this country road, I see a roadrunner on the side of the road.  So I’m like “MEEP MEEP” and all the sudden the roadrunner runs right out in front of my car.  Unfortunately there wasn’t time for me to do anything but hope that he was fast enough to get past the car. 

But, he wasn’t. ☹

I blasted that poor dumb bastard.  I heard him hit underneath the car and then I looked out my rear view mirror to see nothing but feathers flying everywhere.  Then I saw the bird come flopping around out the back of the car too.  I was totally sure that I killed him.  No way a bird could withstand that hit. 


I don't know why he just ran out in front of me like that.  Maybe he was committing suicide? 

But, a little ways down the road I decided to turn around and go back and see how bad it was.  When I got to the spot where I hit the bird, he wasn’t there!  There were feathers in the grass on the side of the road, but no roadrunner!

I don’t know if he got up and limped off, or if he wasn’t really hurt at all and he ran away.  Or, maybe another animal like a coyote or something grabbed him and ran into the woods.  I have no idea.

But, I think I’m just going to pretend that he did 12 summersaults, a cartwheel and then a back flip then nailed the landing and yelled out “TA-DAAAAA!!!!” 

Yeah, I think that’s what happened.  An Easter miracle!