Reaching My Limit ...

Oh man, apparently Senator Ensign wasn’t happy with Gov. Sanford stealing his adulterous spotlight cause he found a way to get himself back into the news. Turns out he paid off his mistress to the tune of $100,000 USD! Well, technically his parents paid her off.

Gee, why would he have the parents pay her off like that for him? Could it possibly be so that no “gifts” would show up on his tax records if and when he decided to run for President in 2012? Nahhhhhhhhhh, he wouldn’t have been thinking about a way to salvage his political ambitions while paying off his mistress. Would he?

My favorite part of this whole story is Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn. Coburn pretty much admitted that he advised Ensign to pay off the mistress and her family to make it all go away. But, he then came back and tried to back away from that. Then he decided that not only won’t he talk about it, but he can’t talk about it because he was giving advice as a doctor to a patient.

But, Coburn is an OB/GYN. So, everyone started snickering and saying things like “What? Did he have a problem with his mangina?” Okay, so I’m the only one who asked that question, but you know lots of people were laughing anyway. So, then Coburn remembered that he is a deacon in his church so he’s now claiming that he was acting as Ensign’s spiritual advisor when he may, or may not have, told Ensign to pay off the mistress. And, since he was a spiritual advisor Coburn says he will “never” talk about this. Not even to the Senate ethics committee. Cause we all know that Jesus is the only ethics committee that he has to answer to.

There’s something pretty funny about a spiritual advisor saying “Dude, just pay the bitch off so this will all go away and you can save your political career. Oh, and be sure to have your parents actually pay the money so it won’t show up on your taxes should you run for President. Don’t forget, Bible study is this Thursday night. Mark Sanford is bringing nachos! Holla!”

But, you know, I was thinking about all the crazy stuff that’s happened over the last few weeks. David Carradine’s rather bizarre death, other celebrity deaths, some expected, some not, political sex scandals and of course Sarah Palin’s weird resignation. Then it was all topped off with the murder of former NFL QB Steve McNair. And I gotta tell you, I really thought I had just about reached my limit with this stuff.

It’s just not all that funny anymore. Well, except for Ensign and Sanford. Those two are going to be funny forever. Mostly because they are going to keep providing all the material for me. But, David Carradine and Steve McNair? Nothing funny about those two tragedies.

Oh sure, I could point out that like all mid-life crisis dudes I fully expect and kind of hope that I meet my end in either a Bangkok hotel room with a couple of Thai hookers or at the hands of my crazy hot 20 year old girlfriend. But, that’s about it.

The McNair story is the worst for me. Again, probably because it’s just piling on now with all the other shit that has happened. But, I hate everything about the story. Steve basically abandoned his wife and four boys for this chick, who eventually killed him and herself. But, worst of all, it now turns out that what apparently finally sent her over the edge was her finding out that McNair had yet another chick on the side that he was about to dump her for!

Now, I’m not making moral judgments here. Anyone who thinks that if I had McNair’s money I wouldn’t be the biggest sugar daddy in town, hasn’t been paying attention around here. And I’m not saying McNair got what he deserved. Not at all. But, I think we can all agree that a married 36 year old man with four kids getting mixed up with a 20 year old girl has a much higher probability of getting four slugs in his chest and head than a guy who doesn’t step out on his wife. I mean, you’re just increasing the odds with each affair. I’m just sayin, members of congress and governors. Just a little warning. Kind of like “Fatal Attraction” should have been.

And it’s not like I’m one of those people who is just shocked … SHOCKED I TELL YA … to find out that someone who everyone thought was a one of the “good guys” was engaging in this kind of behavior. As the name of this blog suggests, I figure just about everyone is capable of anything. But, I just found the whole McNair story to be more than I wanted to hear about. The whole thing is just so sordid and awful.

For some reason when details started leaking about the McNair murder I was like “I just don’t want to hear about this” and for the first time in my life I was refusing to click links and read about all the sordid details and all that shit. I had just reached full capacity on this kind of stuff for right now.

Hell I was all ready to mock the Michael Jackson Memorial the other day on Twitter. I tried to get off a few funnies early, but hell, I just wasn’t into it. Then I started worrying that I was getting all soft and thinking of all this stuff on a human level and shit. You know, thinking about the families of the people in involved and how their lives have been changed so much and all the grief.

Luckily Senator Ensign came along today and I realized that it’s only when people have died that I feel that way. If they’re just fucking stupid and great big hypocrites, then I still have plenty of capacity to mock them. So that made me feel better.