The Other White Meat

(I'm sorry, but doesn't he totally look like Paul Abdul in this picture?)

Okay, here comes the gentle mocking. It's allowed - he was not a little person. Yes, I said it. Michael Jackson was The Other White Meat. That was my second favorite MJ joke. (Soooo bummed that I can't have that t-shirt made now!) My very favorite joke was: A child kneels down to pray. He asks, "God, are you a man or a woman?" God replies, "I am both and I am neither." The child then asks, "God, are you black or white?" God says, “I am both and I am neither.” The child’s jaw drops and he looks, wide eyed, at the ceiling. “God… are you Michael Jackson???”

Okay, so when I was writing my We Are The World ode to MJ – I received an email saying that Al Sharpton had said something about because Michael Jackson was a black man that had become so white, it helped a black man get voted into the White House. WTF??? And, since when have any of us considered Michael Jackson a black man? As Chris Rock said, “Only in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman.”

And now, supposedly, his plastic surgeons and dermatologists are commenting on his obsession with looking like a white woman. Well, duh. I have no problem with the whole androgynous thing. I like the human diversity we have on the planet. And I actually liked the way he looked - up to “Black or White.” Banish McCauley Culkin and it’s a very cool video.

But then his nose fell off and his face caved in and I had to call it a day.

Yes, he got weird. He was broken and in pain and it made him very, very weird. Now he is free. But you can’t tell me that when he got Home and he sat down with his guides and angels to review his life they didn’t freeze frame on his later photos, exclaim, “Dude, what were you thinking?”, and have a good chuckle. You know they did.

I have no idea if he molested those kids. If he did, he deserved to lose more than just his nose. I hate to say that I wouldn’t put it past him to be horribly boundary impaired. But I also wouldn’t put it past people to try and take him for all he was worth, either. All I know is that he didn’t touch me or my kids so I can’t know for sure one way or the other. I will just leave it up to those who really know the truth to sort things out and heal what needs to be healed. But this I do have to say: The dumb ass parent that allowed their kid to sleep over, alone, at Neverland with Mikey J. and Bubbles The Chimp – especially after the first allegations – gets the Stupid and Bad Parent Award and should have gotten a settlement check for a whopping Nothing Dollars and Zero Cents.

And, even if he did do it – as deplorable as it was – it does not make up the entirety of who he was. And certainly not who he still is. When all is said and done, I still think Michael Jackson’s talent was a gift. And so was a lot of his weirdness – he totally mixed it up for us.

What Al Sharpton actually said was that Michael Jackson deserved, “…credit for creating an environment in which Barack Obama could be elected president. It was Michael Jackson that brought blacks and whites and Asians and Latinos together. It was Michael Jackson that made us sing ‘we are the world,’ …kids from Japan and Ghana and France and Iowa and Pennsylvania got comfortable enough with each other so later it wasn't strange to us to watch Oprah on television. Those young kids grew up from being teenage comfortable fans of Michael to being 40 years old and being comfortable to vote for a person of color to be the president of the United States of America. Michael did that, Michael made us love each other.”

I certainly wouldn’t go so far as to say that Michael Jackson is directly responsible for Obama being President – but I’m sure he did help change the “how whites feel about blacks” climate in our country. Before he became Joan Rivers that is.

I guess I have to agree with President Obama when he said, “I don’t think there’s any doubt he was one of the greatest entertainers of our generation, perhaps any generation. I think like Elvis, like Sinatra, like the Beatles, he became a core part of our culture.” He said that Jackson was a combination of “extraordinary talent” and a “big dose of tragedy and difficulty in his private life” and added though that he does not think “we can ignore” Jackson’s past controversies but, the president said, “It’s important for us to affirm what was best in him.”

And what was best in him was really incredible. I watch “We Are The World” and listen to “Heal the World” and I am moved to be a better person. I am inspired to leave the world better than I found it – which I believe, when it all comes out in the wash, Michael Jackson did.

I just hope my nose doesn’t fall of while I’m doing it.