Okay, I think I’ve blogged about my mother’s very good friend M.E. before. And I think I’ve mentioned that she’s down right insane. I thought for a while that maybe she was just suffering from a little early onset dementia. But now I’m just pretty sure she’s batshit crazy.
I walk into mom’s apartment this afternoon and she is on the phone. She says “Hey, Jay is here, maybe he can tell you what that is.” Then she hands the phone to me without telling me who she is talking to.
Jay: “Who?”
Mom: “M.E.” *with a shit-eating grin on her face*
Jay: *whispering* Noooooooooooooooooo!
*deep breath*
Jay: HOLA!
M.E: Jay … I think there might be an extra terrestrial hovering over my house or maybe my house has been invaded by them or something.
Jay: LOL Wut?
M.E: Every once in a while, something happens and I suddenly hear this garbled message from my answering machine. But, the phone hasn’t rung or anything. And it’s not a message from some who has called. I just suddenly hear this voice. THEN all the digital clocks in my house start blinking 12 o’clock.
Jay: Umm …. Okay.
M.E: So I wonder if this could be some kind of extra terrestrial or something.
Jay: No, I don’t think that’s likely. I’m thinking your getting an occasional and very minor electrical surge of some kind. Not enough to make the lights flash, but enough to knock out your digital clocks on the coffee maker and microwave and stuff and reset your answering machine.
M.E: Do you think so? Cause it does this to all my digital clocks.
Jay: Yup
M.E: Like my coffee maker and microwave and vcr and other stuff.
Jay: Right
M.E: You don’t think it’s something else?
Jay: No, I don’t think so.
Jay: *looks at mom and shrugs shoulders and shakes head*
Mom: *smiling from ear to ear* yells: Tell him about the porn line!
Jay: Flips mom off thinking we’re heading for another one of those loooooong drawn out discussions about whatever silly thing M.E. has dreamed up this time.
*A little back story here. M.E. had this pay as you go cell phone that she never could
M.E: You know what happened when I called the 1-888 number to get Nokia to fix my phone?
Jay: No
M.E: It was a damn porn line.
Jay: No way!
M.E: Yes, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was straight up porn!
Jay: That’s unbelievable.
M.E: I know! I called it FOUR TIMES to make sure I didn’t misdial the number.
Jay: *trying to hold it all in now* Called 4 times?
Mom: *laughing hysterically*
Jay: *goes into another room but loses it*
Jay: That’s just crazy.
M.E: I was just so appalled. Putting a porn line number on there like that.
Jay: *tears flowing and laughing uncontrollably*
M.E: So you know what I did?
Jay: What?
M.E: When I called Nokia I told them about that number. I told that girl I talked to call that number and listen to that outrage!
Jay: Did she do it?
M.E: She was a Chinese girl* She told me she would put me on hold and call that number
M.E: And you know what?
Jay: What? *still laughing and still refusing to look at mom cause she’ll just make me laugh even harder*
M.E: She never came back on the line. She just cut me off.
Jay: No way!
M.E: Yes. She just cut me off and didn’t come back on the line.
*long pause*
Jay: I’ll be honest with ya. That’s pretty damn funny.
M.E: Well I gave your mother number in case you guys want to hear it too and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Jay: You gave mom a number to a porn line?
Jay: *looks at mom*
Mom: *points to 1-888 number on note pad while laughing hysterically again*
M.E: Yup. You guys can call it and see what I’m talking about here.
Jay: Oh, uh .. okay.
M.E: Anyway, so you don’t think I have extra terrestrials hovering over my house?
Jay: Probably not. But, I can make a tin foil hat for you if you want.
M.E: Well, it’s probably just some fluky electrical thing.
Jay: Yeah, probably so.
Anyway that was pretty much the end of that phone call. After hanging up and collapsing into a chair laughing for a few minutes…
Mom: I called that number
Jay: Really? Was it porn?
Mom: It was Nokia customer service. How much you wanna bet she called the wrong number 4 times.
Jay: How much you wanna bet she called the wrong number and then hit “redial” 3 times?
A few minutes later:
Jay: How much you wanna bet that when that woman at Nokia put M.E. on hold and called the number M.E. gave her, the phone in the cubicle next to her rang? That’s why she just hung up on M.E. Then she went to break and told the others “Let me tell you about the loony woman who called me today!”
*You’re probably wondering how M.E. knew the customer service girl was “Chinese?” She didn’t. In M.E’s world people are white, black, Mexican and Chinese and that’s it.
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