Seriously, have you paid attention to anti-depressant commercials? They are hilarious. They start out with sad music and images of sad people and tell you about all the other people that your sadness makes sad. Then they give you hope - The Drug! The pill that will take it all away and make it all better. The images become happy, the people smile and dance around in the sunshine. They ride horses and play tennis - almost as if they forgot they weren't in a tampon commercial. And then, just when you think it is the Serotonin Second Coming, they hit you with the side effects: Dry mouth; canker sores; taste changes; sore throat; runny nose; seasonal allergies; upper respiratory tract infection; acne; skin rash; blurred vision; drowsiness; dizziness; headaches; fatigue; insomnia; tremors; muscle spasms; muscle pain; yawning; sweating; weakness; hot flashes; chills; abdominal pain; heartburn; gas; weight gain; loss of appetite; nausea; vomiting; frequent urination; constipation; diarrhea; tremors; ejaculation, orgasm and / or erectile problems; loss of libido; hepatitis; heart attack; stroke; seizures; anxiety; agitation; abnormal dreams; hallucinations; suicidal thoughts and behavior.
Okay, I have been there. Depression is terrifying and it sucks like nothing else. But come on, now I have a runny nose, canker sores, zits and bloody, oozing skin – which will totally effect my love life, except… wait, I can’t get it up or down or have an orgasm – not that I care because I have completely lost my sex drive. I am dizzy, twitching, sweating, farting, fat, can’t sleep, can’t poop, can’t stop peeing and puking, I am blind and my chocolate now tastes like liver. I am stroking out while having seizures and heart attacks, I am anxious and agitated – probably because of the nightmares and visions of clowns covering me with spaghetti - and I have this uncontrollable, totally not depressing, desire to kill myself.
Shit. I'd rather play with Happy Fun Ball…
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