It has been a couple of years since I shared this. And there are many new readers to this blog that totally deserve to giggle. I still haven't gotten a Xmas letter that even comes close to this in awesomeness and I still wish with all my heart and soul that I had written it. Enjoy...
SEASON'S GREETINGS!!!
It's been another wonderful year for the Jones Family! Mike continues to study hard and is getting a lot of recognition including, this last month, publishing a chapter in a book and being invited for interviews at Yale and University of Maryland. He somehow still has time to exercise and stay in great shape and to be a wonderful dad, taking the kids swimming every week. Last weekend he watched the kids for two days so I could go Christmas Shopping with my best friend.
Hannah loves school and ballet and excels in both! She comes home and teaches Paige everything, so Paige is becoming a great reader and an amazing mathematician! They are inseparable and we constantly get comments about what a pair they are. They also take good care of their brother. Cody is a good natured little boy who lights up the room every time he walks in with his huge beaming smile.
I am excited to be expecting number FOUR! People have a hard time believing I am pregnant and are shocked to learn it is number four. They are always saying that I look more like a pregnant teenager than a mother of four. I don't know if that's a compliment or not!!! The kids keep me busy, but I keep myself sane with audio books. I am always listening to something and finish about two books a month. It has been so educational and enjoyable to read wonderful books like Moby Dick, The Portrait of a Lady, and The Brothers Karamazov.
We hope this letter makes you all feel as jealous and insecure as it makes us feel smug. OK, WHO AM I KIDDING? Here's the truth...
Mike is leading us into our eighth consecutive year of abject poverty. At this point, he is just jumping through whatever hoops his liberal professors want him to so we can get on with it. We are waiting to get rejected by the two schools who actually condescended to "interview" him for indentured servitude, I mean internship.
As for our kids, whom the government has officially labeled "at risk," Hannah comes home from school a moody witch every day. She has Paige in tears within two minutes most days. She is always tired and I have to rip her out of bed every morning and force her to school. Paige cut her hair last night. It looks horrifying. That is after cutting her clothes and Hannah's stocking the previous weeks. She has been spanked so many times her bum is leather. We will have to try some psychotropic drugs. Cody... Who's Cody? Oh yeah--that creature who's always armpit-deep in the toilet. Well, all I can say about him is he's lucky we never vacuum or he'd starve to death.
I had to drag my sorry rear into the Medicaid office and tell them I am pregnant again. Four kids in grad school--my worst nightmare. I am a burden to my family. I have barfed over two hundred times since October and now I am just waiting for a blood clot to form in my varicose veins and travel to my heart and kill me. I don't like to move, so I just yell at my kids from my worn spot on the couch. No wonder Mike never comes home.
Better luck next year.
The Jones Family
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