Hanging with Santa Claus ...

As you may or may not know, Santa and I are boys. We've known each other since our college days at the University of Arkansas. Santa was always a big party animal too. Dude could put the beer away!

Anyway, what you might not know is that the weekend before Christmas Santa was looking to get away from it all for a couple of days. So, he came down to visit me! It was a great time. Especially since the temps soared into the mid 50's here. (Hollah to my East Coast peeps digging out from under all that snow!)

When I asked Santa what he wanted to do he said "Hit the strip clubs or go downtown to find a couple of underage hookers to knock around?" But, unfortunately there aren't any strip clubs or hookers here in Redneckville, so we did the next best thing. We went to the park. Man, Santa loves to go to the park.

He also loves to go for a ride in a real car sometimes...


And, I always let him drive on some of the back roads. He loves it and is especially thankful that he isn't having to smell those damn reindeer.


(BTW, I think what Santa loves most about driving is sitting on my lap. The dirty bastard.)

First thing he did when we got to the park was hit the slide...


Then the swings...


Next he rode the horsey for a little while...


And finally the jungle gym...


Santa climbs along that thing like a monkey. People are always shocked at what a great athlete he is. I like to compare him to John Belushi who was quite nimble for a man his size, although Santa can handle his liquor and blow a lot better.

Of course after the park it was time to head back to the house and watch some football. Santa loves drink a few beers, munch on some tortilla chips and smoke a few cigarettes while watching football...


And, as you would expect, since he's a sloppy drunk, and because the NFL secretly sucks, Santa then passed out on the chair while fondling his chestnuts.


So there you have it people. That's how Santa spent the last weekend before Christmas. Well, I admit that isn't all he did. After he woke up, he got on my computer and surfed porn for a few hours and then spent the rest of the night talking to 12 year old girls in chat rooms. I didn't take a pic of that cause I didn't want any kids to happen upon this blog and be all disappointed in Santa's behavior.