Solving College Football's Problems ...

Because you hate sports, and have told me so many times, I thought I would just throw this up on a Saturday. Also, I had nothing else to do because the college football season is over. *hits guide button on remote. clicks through channels. sighs*


And now, I shall solve the problem of determining a true national champion in college football.

University of Wisconsin Athletic Director Barry Alverez said last week that the Big 10, who has eleven schools, will make a major push at adding a twelfth school this summer. Why they didn't change their league name to The Enormous Eleven when the added Penn St, I'll never know.

Anyway, the speculation of course is that they will again try to get Notre Dame to join. I don't think Touchdown Jesus will do it. It would simply cost the program too much money. And, they don't like to share. So, here is my prediction of how this will work out:

Missouri will leave the Big 12 and become the 12th member of the Ginormous 12 Big 10.

The Pac 10 will realize that they can no longer remain a 10 team league and will have to expand also. They will offer Boise St. and Colorado the chance to join the league and both will accept.

This will mean that the Big 12 will now only have 10 schools. To fix this problem they will invite TCU and Arkansas to join. Both will accept.

The SEC will now need another school. They will invite Clemson to join. Clemson will say yes.

The ACC will now be one team short. So, they'll invite Louisville to join and they will accept. This will have the added bonus of pissing off the crybabies at Duke because it will mean another good basketball program to deal with.

This will cause some conferences to merge and others to just say "fuck it" and fold.

After all the moves, Congress will finally blow the BCS all to pieces and the NCAA will be forced to create a playoff system to determine a college football national champion. It will be an 8 team playoff. People will complain that there still needs to be a way to determine the eight teams that make the playoffs though and claim that the same arguments that everyone has now about who deserves to be in will still be around. The argument will just shift from "who deserves to be in the top two, to who deserves to be #8."

This is when someone will finally wake up and follow MY plan.

Eight 12 team conferences...

SEC
ACC
Big East
Pac-12
Prodigious 12 (formerly Big 10)
Colossal 12 (formerly Big 12. They change their name too, just to be cool.)
Conference USA* (a loose association of 12 schools across the country)
Tremendous 12** (a group of mostly western schools with inferiority complexes who always feel like the Pac-12 schools are looking down on them.)

Each conference will be broken into two 6 team divisions. (East/West, North/South, Blue/Grey, Shirts/Skins whatever) The winners of each division within each conference will play a conference championship game on what will be creatively named "Conference Championship Week" by ESPN. Maybe over two weekends, Friday nights and Saturdays, so that each game can be nationally televised.

Then, the winners of each conference are the eight teams that play in the National Championship Playoffs.

The teams that don't win their conferences will the play in the traditional bowl system. This way that thrilling Texas A&M/Georgia Avo Care V100 Independence Bowl can still be played in exciting and exotic Shreveport, Louisiana. And no, I'm NOT making up the name of that bowl game. Although I admit that the "St. Petersburg presented by Beef 'O Brady's" does sound like a good time too.

So there you have it folks. All of college football's problems solved. It's all very simple. I've created an actual eight team playoff to determine a national champion and preserved the current pathetic bowl system. Go me!



* Each of the service academies will join Conference USA because, HELLO? U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!!

** Notre Dame will join the Tremendous 12 conference because it will be full of schools like Idaho and San Jose State and they'll be easy to beat and be beholden to Notre Dame's money and prestige thus it will be easy for the Golden Domers to bully the league into doing whatever they want.