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A state legislator in Ohio (a republican male, of course) has introduced a bill into the state legislature that would force women seeking abortions to get written permission from the father of the baby. Wow! This is brilliant. I think we should turn all of women’s health care decisions over to men.
We should certainly allow men to decide when a woman can go on birth control. Or when she can stop taking it. Or get an IUD. And I guess women could just get a written permission slip, approved by the state, from a man if they wanted to buy condoms. And it goes without saying that men should be allowed to decide when or if a woman can get her tubes tied.
I think we can all agree that this would be a great law. It’s important that women know that men know what’s best for them and that women’s uteruses belong to men and to the state. And it’s also very important that men and the state punish women for having sex.
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Which of course brings us to one of the big issues having to do with Health Care Reform. Or is Health Insurance Reform now? I never can keep up with the changing names of these things. Anyway, obviously I'm talking about how concerned so many people are with the idea that people on the "Public Option" will be able to get abortions. A lot of people want that removed. Oh they're still going to be opposed to any health care reform legislation anyway, they just want that one taken out.
Again, they're totally right. I find it hilarious that women actually believe that they should have access to legal medical procedures without government intervention. Don't they realize that they wouldn't need these abortions if they were decent, moral people? And, as I mentioned above, it IS the government (and men) who should point out this lack of morality among women.
Hell, once again, I don't even think we should stop there. I think we should set up "Morality Panels" along with the "Death Panels" that Sarah Palin dreamed up...
(Oh, but of course after accusing President Obama of wanting to kill her baby, Palin has asked for some "civil discourse" so I will adhere to her wishes.)
Everyone who is on the Public Option should have to go in front of a Morality Panel made up of distinguished morally superior men (I’m thinking Mark Sanford, John Ensign and Rush Limbaugh would be perfect) who will then decide if their ailment came about in a normal morally acceptable way. Obviously most STDs would be out. It's practically impossible to get an STD while acting in a moral manner. I know some of you want to talk about women whose cheating husbands give them an STD without them knowing about it. Don't you listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger? Women are always to blame for their husbands cheating!
Of course, there will be exceptions for middle aged men who go on trips to the Dominican Republic with Rush Limbaugh and a bottle full of Viagra and party with hookers and catch STDs. That's acceptable and down right fun!
I think we can expand this further even. Like, fell off a curb cause you were staggering around drunk? Immoral behavior and not covered! You can’t expect the taxpayers to cover that. Had a heart attack at 50 cause you're overweight? Hello? Gluttony? Seven Deadly Sins? That claim has already been denied by the big guy himself. Lung cancer? You got what you deserved by smoking. Got raped on your way home from a night out? Depends. Where you wearing a short skirt and high heels while walking alone? You brought it on yourself and it’s not covered.
And the list could on and on. As you can see we don’t have to apply these only to women, but we do need to keep women in line. An added benefit though is that most of the people on the public option will be poor. And, since they’re poor they really aren’t deserving of much, and their betters should exert control over them Morality panels are the perfect way to do that. (We all know that poor people are immoral, otherwise they wouldn’t be poor.) Also, I think we could really create a lot of good cost savings this way and protect everyone's concerns that that undeserving people might be getting
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