Well kids, it's that time again! Time for some more monologue jokes which are more like Weekend Update on SNL type jokes. Or they seem so to me. BTW, did you guys watch Zach Gagalifanakis hosting SNL last week? Oh man, what a freaking snoozer that show was. I mean yeah, SNL has sucked for years, but good grief. That was the worst ever. Miley's hosting a week earlier was wayyyyyyyy better. Not even close.
Anyway, here is this week's installment of monologue jokes. As usual, the player won't show up in Google Reader, but there will be a player that does show up at the bottom of the post.
Hey-OOOOOOOOOOO!
And, for the audio impaired I will, as usual, type them out for you cause I'm a great guy like that.
1. Daylight Saving Time began this weekend which means that people in most parts of the US turned their clocks ahead one hour. Unless you're a republican in congress. In that case you already turned your clocks back 50 years.
2. Bob Dylan will be allowed to play concerts in China despite some worries that the Chinese govt wouldn't let him because of his anti-establishment songs. A spokesperson for the Chinese govt said “Nobody can understand a word he says anyway, so whatever.”
3. Japanese govt confirmed that one of their nuclear reactors experienced a meltdown over the weekend. The reactor in question this the Charlie Sheen 1 reactor.
4. I had a pizza joke I was going to do, but it's just too cheesy.
5. The White House forced State Department spokesperson P.J. Crowley to resign after he heavily criticized the government's treatment of Bradley Manning. President Obama said that there just isn't any place in government for someone THAT honest.
6. Charlie Sheen says that he has a “Tweet Master” who checks all of his tweets before they're posted. This is probably a good idea because otherwise people might start thinking that Sheen is crazy.
7. Mel Gibson was charged with misdemeanor battery last week. Gibson says that while disappointed, there are both positive and negative sides to this.
8. A study in Arizona found that 72% of shopping carts tested positive for fecal matter. A spokesman for Taco Bell angrily denied any responsibility and went on to say that the study was full of crap.
9. And finally, Sarah Palin said last week that the unions in Wisconsin needed to “tone down their violent rhetoric.” She then warned that if they don't, she'll have to target them and tell her followers to “take them out.”
So there ya go. Another week of non-stop hilarity!
Drive carefully everyone. Remember to tip your waitress.
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