I Really Don't Wanna Go ...

Well it’s that time again. There is a family gathering that I should attend. This time it’s a memorial service for my great aunt who passed away back in January. She lived in Los Angeles though, so they decided that they would hold a memorial service out there, and then wait until spring and bring her ashes back home to Arkansas and hold services here too.

And I really, really, REALLY don’t want to go.

So I won’t go, right? Buuuuuut … If I don’t go I will feel guilty that I didn’t go. Even though I’ve only seen this great aunt a total of three times in 30 years. Although my sister and I did go to California with dad and my step mother and step sisters back when I was 10 and stayed there with her and my uncle for a couple of weeks. Which was pretty awesome even if my step mother did do everything she could to sabotage the whole thing.

But, I don’t like funerals. They’re so damn depressing. And I have to wear a tie. I hate wearing a tie. Especially when it’s hot. And it’s going to be raining and storming on Saturday too. Driving over there in the rain, heat and humidity (okay, it’s only a 40 minute drive), wearing a tie and getting depressed just doesn’t sound like a good time.

Okay, so that’s not totally the reason I don’t want to go. Those are pretty minor issues. There is really something else stopping me from going.

Every time I’m supposed to attend any family gathering, no matter what it’s for, this HUGE feeling of dread comes over me.

I have no idea why either. My family members are harmless. Totally, completely harmless. Small town people who don’t take themselves all that seriously and are always happy to see you. Trust me, NOBODY is afraid of these people.

Like I've said many times here, I don't exactly have a lot of social skills. I don't think anyone who has ever met me would really disagree. Oh sure, I have basic manners. "Yes, please, you betcha thank you, you're welcome, stand when introduced to a lady or when she leaves or returns to the table" and all that stuff. But, I'm not the life of any party. I can go out on the back patio and do shots of tequila, or play quarters at the dinner table, but I'm not great at hopping from group of people to group of people and chit-chatting. So that would explain any dread I would have leading up to attending a party or get-together of people I don't really know. But, not family.

Aaaaaaand here's the really weird part. I actually don't have all these feelings of dread before attending a party made up mostly of people don't really know. At least not if I'm going with someone, like family members or friends I've known for a while. Oh sure, there's some nervousness. And there's the standard "Will I embarrass anyone?" "Will I be asked to leave and not come back?" "Will there be any young, hot Asian chicks there?" Okay, so that's really what Grant asks, but it's a fair question. And hot Asian chicks would make any party more fun.


But, I don't sit around and feel this sense of impending doom like I do before any family gathering. Isn't that the silliest thing you've ever heard? There are no big family fights that ever break out. There is no big family drama going on. Nobody is going to get drunk and make a scene or throw up in the middle of someone’s living room. Nobody is going to stand up and point at their mother or father and scram "You ruined my life! I hate you!"

So, why do I dread going over there so much? Especially when I know that in the end I will be downstairs watching St. Louis Cardinals baseball. Maybe I'm just a little touched in the head? But to be honest with you, it's always been like this.

So, I don't really know what I'm going to do right now. My allergies are acting up pretty bad. That's always a good excuse. It is allergy season, ya know. Of course, there's always the chance that my grandmother will call me tomorrow to remind me. You can’t really say no to your Nana. She's 90 years old and kind of forgetful though. And my phone could go on the fritz tomorrow too. Especially if I pull the phone line out of the base unit. Just a thought.

Anyone else have this same problem? Got any advice other than "stop being a pussy" I hate it when people tell me that.