Time For More Questions and Answers ....

I decided it was time to answer questions again.  In fact, I’m going to make the mailbag a regular feature here.  So click on my Formspring over on the right sidebar or email me (it's in my profile aslo on the right sidebar) and ask me anything.  You can even ask anonymously which allows you to ask more embarrassing questions or tell me how much you hate me.  If you don’t start sending me questions I’ll be forced to make them up. 



1. Who’s legs are those in that pic of the girl leaning over the car in last week’s “love post?”

Oh yeah, I had a couple of people ask this.  One person said that they “look Asian except that they’re too long since Asian girls are usually short.” Grant also said that they looked Asian, but left off the nice “but they’re too long to be Asian” stereotype.

Actually, those are the all-American legs of Columbus, Ohio’s own Maggie Grace, who you probably know from the movie “Taken.”


I’ve also heard a rumor that she was on “Lost” but I haven’t been able to confirm that one since I never watched the show. 



2. How come you never do any blog posts mocking Muslims the way you did last week mocking Mormons and Sarah Palin?

Because Muslims have no sense of humor and will blow up my apartment building. Duh.



3. Why do you hate white people so much?

Unlike Barack Obama I don’t have a deep seated hatred of white people.  I’m white. Some of my best friends are white.  Hell, I’ve even had sex with a white woman once.  But, most of my white friends hate the NBA, so that always seems to be a problem that we just can’t seem to overcome.



4. You’re top 5 Quintin Tarantino movies?

1. Inglourious Basterds,  2: Reservoir Dogs, 3: Pulp Fiction, 4: Jackie Brown, 5:  Grindhouse



5. Why do you hate Christians so much?

Again, I’m not Barack Obama. I don’t hate Christians.  I’m a Christian. Some of my best friends are Christians.  Hell, I’ve even had sex with a couple of women who were Christians.



6. Favorite Miley Cyrus song?

Oh “Party in the USA” Definitely.  No contest.



7. Who is the one person who you wish was on Twitter?

Well, I was going to say Brett Favre, but apparently he creates and then deletes his Twitter account 37 times a day.

But, since you asked, the top five people from the Bloggerhood who need to be on Twitter are:  1: Knight, 2: Scott Oglesby, 3: Grant, 4: Linda Medrano and 5: Israel Carrasco



8. Is there anything worse than wiping your ass after a big dump and your fingers breaking through the toilet paper and you give yourself an unexpected asshole fingerbang?

First, I don’t care if your cabinets and frig are completely full of generic foods or if you are so poor that you eat Ramen Noodles three times a day and drive a 1977 Chevy Chevette, you can NEVER buy cheap toilet paper.

Having said that, the only thing worse than fingers busting through the toilet paper is just stepping out of the shower and realizing that you have to take a dump.  You’re shower was just nullified.  You have no choice but to take the dump and then jump back into the shower for a couple of minutes.  So frustrating.  Unless you install a bidet, of course.  If you do you can’t talk about though without all your guy friends calling you gay.



9.  When are you going to get a smart phone like a Droid or iPhone?

I’m not sure I really need a phone like that.  I think most of its capability would be lost on me.  I have this little point and shoot Kodak digital camera right?  Barely cost $100 but does tons of stuff.  It’s got I don’t know how many settings and shit, yet 99% of the pictures I take the thing is on the “easy” setting.

Just the other day I spent thirty minutes trying to find the indoor setting on the thing.  Then I spent another thirty minutes trying to remember how to do the self timer.  All so I could take this fucking pic…


Not sure it was worth it.



10. Thanks dear for the compliment, it was quite lovely. :) And also for enjoying my raw, obscene, offensive, and sexually explicit output. You probably are a pervert as well if you enjoy my tweets. Just my type. :) ~me.

Okay, so that isn’t a question, just a comment left there by a stripper I follow on twitter.  A really freaking hot, tiny, Asian stripper.  I have printed that comment out and framed it. 

An Interview With the Vamp .. er .. Bastard ...

Shout out:

Drowsey Monkey, who dreams about ME, has created a new photo meme. It’s called Mellow Yellow Monday.


Here’s her description of how to play…

“Basically you post a photo every Monday with a little or a lot of yellow. I chose yellow because it's my favourite colour and I think the world is a better place with a splash of yellow.”

(remember, she’s Canadian so she gets to put an extra “u” in the words “favorite” and “color.”)

Anyway, if you want to play along just click RIGHT HERE to get all the details.


Interview time…

There are many differnet kinds of memes out there. Some of them suck balls and some of them can be kind of fun. I don't do too many of them unless I feel like it, or the person tagging me is new or just really wants me to do them. The meme, not "them." ;-)

But, one of the few memes that I did like was the interview meme. That's where someone asks me five questions. I had a good time with that one, not just answering questions but reading everyone else's answers to other people's quesitons. This meme has been revived and I decided to let a couple of people interview me. Avitable will be interviewing me whenever the hell he feels like it and M from Rumblings and Bumblings is interviewing me today.

And if you aren’t reading Rumblings and Bumblings you are missing out. She rocks!

So here we go...


1. What is your most favorite blog to read? The one you just could not do without? (don't try to weasel out of this one)

Oh this is impossible! It's like asking my which shot of tequila last night was my favorite. They were all so wonderful and tasty.

This question took some serious thought and time. I actually did think of a couple of ways of weaseling out it. I thought about naming a blog written by someone who stopped blogging. That would be clever. Or maybe one of the "pro" bloggers. Or maybe one of the trashy celebrity blogs where they post pics of hot young celebs running around in bikinis. These were all possibilities.

And there is a bit of unfairness to the question because it puts me in position of possibly hurting some people's feelings. Or having to listen to a bunch of whining from people. That's why I don't do those little blog awards. I did it once and I got a couple of emails from people bitching because I didn't give THEM the award. It was so silly.

But, I think my original analogy of "my favorite shot of tequila last" actually does work. As I sat and thought things over, it became obvious that my favorite blog is the first blog I read consistently and my first blog friend. You probably already know who I'm talking about.

Pickled Beef by Tink. Yup, I think the first blog you love will always be your favorite. And that will always be Pickled Beef and the amazing, charming, wonderful, brilliant Tink.

So there you have it. It doesn't mean that I don't love everyone else though!

2. Favorite meal of all time? (restaurant or homemade)

I'm a pretty simple guy. So my favorite meal of all time is a pretty simple, comfort food meal. It's meat loaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Or maybe roasted carrots in place of the green beans. Maybe tack on a couple of rolls if you want and even a glass of wine.

3. Crawfish, crawdads, or crayfish?

In Shreveport, Louisiana they call them "mudbugs." I know this because that was where I was first exposed to these creepy little fellas. It was at Mudbug Days Festival there and there were people eating those things by the pound. I didn't try them, but I did have aligator on a stick. That was pretty tasty.

Anyway, here in Redneckville we have Crawdad Days. So, I call them "crawdads."

4. What is your idea of a dream vacation? (with location)

Another tough one. I think my favorite place that I've ever been to is Monterey, California. It was soooo beautiful there. If somebody handed me a bunch of money and told me to take off right now for a vacation I would go to Europe though. I've always wanted to backpack through Europe. I missed my chance back when I was college aged when most people do that type of thing. But, anyplace where I can wander around and explore and visit historical sites would be great.

5. What color are your bed sheets?

Come on over and find out ladies! I have a set that are kind of an off-white, a set that are light blue and a set that are maroon colored.


Okay, so the next part of this game is where I'm supposed to tell people to let me know if they want me to interview them.

Not. Gonna. Happen.

The only time I did that I had to come up with questions for 40 people. Way too much of a hassle. LOL

But, thanks for the great questions M. Hope I answered them for ya.

Just Another Day ...

Okay kids, back to answering some of your questions.

Rockdog wanted to know: "What is a typical day with Jay like?"


5:00 am: Wake up to Christian music on the radio.
5:01 am: Masturbate furiously.
5:02 am: Shit, shower and shave.
5:20 am: Check world financial markets to see how my portfolio is doing.
5:21 am: Check email
5:35 am: Check comments on my blog
5:38 am: Check Twitter.
5:41 am: Check my Facebook page for status updates, friend requests, and to see how many Pieces of Flair I have been sent and how many snowballs have been thrown at me.
5:50 am: Check news and sports headlines on several different sites.
5:55 am: Check email.
5:56 am: Check Twitter.
5:57 am: Check blog comments
5:58 am: Check Facebook again.

6:00 am: Do morning stretching exercises.
6:15 am: Do morning Yoga exercises.
6:30 am: Morning meditation time in which I completely block out the whole world and go to my happy place. Which is a tropical island with just me and my blog crush.
6:59 am: Pee.

7:00 am: Check email, twitter, blog comments and facebook again.
7:05 am: Eat breakfast consisting of granola and organic fruits.
7:15 am: Read the New York Times, The New York Post, The Washington Post, The Washington Times (notice I read both the “liberal” and “conservative” papers). The Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Times, La Prensa, Le Monde, Jerusalem Post, Haaretz, Bangkok Post, The Asahi Shimbun, Moskovskaya Pravda, Correio de Brasil, Sydney Morning Herald and Cape Argus.

8:00 am: check email, twitter, blog comments and facebook. (repeat every 8 minutes from now on throughout the day.)
8:05 am: Begin reading and commenting on blogs.
8:30 am: Pee.
8:31 am: Have a banana for a snack.
8:32 am: Resume reading and commenting on blogs.

9:00 am: Begin answering requests for nude pics from all my fans.
9:00:01 am: Begin signing restraining orders agreeing to stay away from Natalie Portman, Michelle Rodriguez, Kate Beckinsale, Lauren Graham, Diane Lane, Nigella Lawson, Mary Kate Olsen, Jennifer Tilly, Megan Good, Judi Dench, Miley Cyrus and various bloggers.
9:15 am: Call President-Elect Obama and give some of my excellent financial advice.
9:30 am: Do 100 sit-ups and 100 push-ups and then mediate again.
9:58 am: All natural granola bar and 8 ounces of pure bottled water.

10:00 am: Watch The View
10:47 am: Pee

11:00 am: Watch Ellen

12:00 pm: Watch Rachael Ray and eat lunch consisting of an organic salad, salt-free crackers and Lentil soup and more bottled water.

1:00 pm: Watch One Life to Live. Marvel at how hot Adriana is.


1:56 pm: Pee and take afternoon dump.

2:00 pm: Go to the mall to walk
2:30 pm: Krav Maga training.

3:00 pm: Practice Belly Dancing while watching “Shimmy” on Fit TV.
3:30 pm: Watch “Everyday Italian w/ Giada de Laurentiis”


4:00 pm: Watch “Gilmore Girls.”


5:00 pm: Watch “Jeopardy.”
5:28 pm: Pee
5:30 pm: Prepare a healthy dinner consisting of some Tofu and two organic vegetables

6:20 pm: Clean up after dinner.
6:30 pm: Bible study.

7:00 pm: Watch wholesome TV show such as “Little House on the Prairie.”
7:58 pm: Pee

8:00 pm: Watch another wholesome TV show such as “Touched by an Angel.”

9:00 pm: Turn off TV so I don’t get corrupted and go back to reading and commenting on more blogs.

10:00 pm: Write up thoughtful, whitty, family-friendly blog post and post it.

10:30 pm: End of day stretching and yoga exercises.
10:55 pm: Pee and before bed beauty ritual.

11:00 pm: Put on my jammies and after checking email, blog comments, Twitter and Facebook one last time, say my nightly prayers and then crawl into bed and sleep while dreaming beautiful, sweet, wholesome dreams.


Of course on weekends I spend most of my time first reflecting on all the good things that happened the week before, and then on all the blessings that will happen in the week to come. And volunteering at a local children’s shelter, of course.


So basically that’s Jay’s schedule.