Yo, Viking Dude, first of all I just wanted to let you know that you’re my fucking hero. I’m serious. I fucking love your blog and think you are the coolest cat around.
Here’s my situation. I think I’ve finally worked up the courage to go to a strip club this weekend. I was wondering if you could give me some advice.
Thanks,
G-Dawg
G-Dawg,
Thanks for the kind words. That was very nice of you to say. It’s nice to get positive feedback every once in a while. I mean sure all those sexy pics and love letters that women email to me are awesome, but sometimes having a stranger take the time to tell me how awesome I am is really nice too.
So, as for your question you’ve come to the right place dude. Here is the information you need.
- First I recommend that you go during the day until you learn the ropes. Things are usually more laid back during the day, the crowds are smaller (and less scary) and you can settle in better.
- BE NICE TO THE GIRLS. I can’t stress this enough. For the most part the girls are friendly and nice and they take a lot of shit from douche bags. Don’t be one of them.
- TIP! Go up to the stage, stand where you’re supposed to stand (learn from watching other people) and tip the girl. And then .. SAY THANK YOU to the girl.
- Don’t drink too much. People say and do stupid things when they’re drunk. By not drinking too much you won’t risk doing something that will get you physically removed from the club.
- Don’t start going to the club every single day. That’s pathetic. At least don’t go to the SAME club everyday. Go to different places. You don’t want the girls to look up and say “OMG, him AGAIN??”
- Fee free to ask the girls what the “rules” are. They’ll probably ask you if you’ve been there before and then tell you the rules when you say “no” but if they don’t just ask. They’ll appreciate your consideration.
- Don’t get all grabby. Let her do her thing when getting a lap dance. Also, keep your fucking tongue to yourself you sick fuck. And don’t try to kiss her either. The dancer sets the rules and you just follow her lead.
- Do not. I mean DO NOT bitch about the prices to the girls. Anytime you complain about the price of a lap dance you are basically telling the girl she isn’t worth it. That’s rude. Besides, complaining about the prices also tells the girls that you’re a cheap bastard.
- TIP! This one bears repeating. The girls are working hard. They’re trying to make sure you have a great experience and their time is worth paying for.
- Maker her laugh. Dancers put up with the absolute worst of society. Every single kind of asshole and rude, arrogant fuck come into their clubs every single day. Instead of being one of those guys, be the one who made her laugh and feel good. Compliment her and be casual and comfortable around her and just be a gentleman in general.
Okay, so the last two thing you are probably wanting to ask, or maybe the ONLY things are whether or not it’s okay to ask for “extras” in the VIP room or even ask her on a date. Well, that’s a tough one.
Let’s just say “NO” to asking for extras. If you happen to find a girl who does that, she will find a way to let you know that it’s available.
Anyway, as for asking her out, after you’ve kind of gotten to know her a bit and have been to the club and are comfortable with her and have been VERY nice to her and generous then it is probably okay to ask her if she would like to get lunch or maybe some coffee sometime. Don’t ask her if she wants to go home with you or go someplace like a bar or something. If (uh well, WHEN actually) she says no, just tell her you understand and then continue to be nice to her. Don’t go all psycho stalker. That’s basically why most dancers are so guarded.
And one more time …. TIP THE DANCERS … This is their job. They’re there to make a living and pay their bills. You are the customer and you are getting something from them of value (there time and the chance to see their boobies up close). Expect to pay for it and be willing to do so.
And just for the hell of it, what Natalie Portman would look like as a stripper:
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