Mawwiage

"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is wot bwings us togedew tooday. Mawwiage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... And wuv, twoo wuv, will fowow you fowevaw..."

So, I officiated my first wedding a week ago last Saturday. Ask me how violently tempted I was to begin in the above manner we have all come to know, love and quote. Honestly, what else could someone expect - asking one of the world's most irreverent people to perform their wedding ceremony? But I didn't. I began it like any normal person would - screaming, "What the hell are you thinking???"

Kidding. Sort of.

Dear friends of mine - he, a cinematographer and she, a make-up artist - asked me to marry their daughter. It was lovely and incredible and the feedback was humbling. I had several requests to other ceremonies which only solidified for me that which was my first thought when asked to do this one, "I guess I better start thinking about believing in marriage again, huh?"

It's funny, I am such an advocate for Gay Marriage but it dawned on me a while ago, that what I'm really a supporter of is equal rights - not necessarily marriage. Once upon a time it was all I dreamed about. Then I actually got married. And divorced. And have now been single and dating for ten years. I have been in and out of love, I have dumped and been dumped, been cheated on and lied to and had my heart broken more times than I can count. Somewhere along the way I threw up my hands and declared myself done. Somewhere along the way I became the bitter best friend in every Nora Ephron film - the one that has all the funny one liners that mask her loneliness and disappointment. Somewhere along the way I became the woman that gets the laughs but not the guy. And, somewhere along the way I decided that it was fine and that I no longer cared.

And then I was asked to officiate a wedding. Then I stood in front of a beautiful couple and their beautiful parents that have the beautifully-imperfect-yet-exactly-what-I-always-wanted marriage and felt a stirring. I remembered the conclusion that I came to a couple of years ago - that we get married to have a witness to our lives - and something shifted again. Granted, the shift was tiny. But it was there.

I'd like to believe in marriage. I do for others. For myself? Eh. Who knows? Wondering if I even care. I think I do. I guess I should be happy with the fact that, after everything, I still believe in love. Love is what it's really about anyway, right?

I'll figure it out. The love thing. The relationship thing. The marriage thing. And, while I'm figuring it out for myself I'm more than happy to support all of you all that are already there and already know what you want. When I know what I want I'll be closer to having it. And maybe I am already closer. Maybe it's not as complicated as I make it. Maybe I just haven't met HIM yet. Maybe he is just around the corner. Maybe he is already here and I just don't know it yet. Maybe that is still a ways off for me. Like I said, I'll figure it out. In the meantime I have my incredible kids and friends and work and passions and fun and chocolate and humor and sweet amorous adventures.

I love. I am loved. I am free. And I am happy. I finally have the cake and am fine to wait a while longer for the frosting. Cause then I get to lick it off of my Twoo Wuv.

And, what could be better than that?

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I Still Believe In Love Dammit
The First Kiss
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Rescued
Making Rumi For Love
Simply Crushing
Remembering Love
A Witness