Monday Meanderings...

So I was in a convenience store Sunday and saw four guys coming out of the men's restroom.  FOUR.  And there is only ONE toilet in that bathroom.  The amazing thing was that nobody else in the place seemed to react to them at all.  The door opens and the four of them come out of there and everyone except me it just "yeah whatever" and nobody says anything or anything else.  Clerk looked at them and then just went back to whatever she was doing.  I had no idea this was such a common event.  Maybe I should get out more.

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There are 175 million people using Twitter.  Of that only 376 follow me.  And of that only about 25 ever interact with me.  And of that only about 12 or so interact with me regularly.  I feel so freaking insignificant.

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So I got a Google Voice number.  501-492-9617.  I don't really know why I got one.  I was going to post it on the sidebar and I still might. Well, I did on my Tumblr but I don't know why.  Anyone who wants my number just has to ask.  Or check your phonebook on Facebook cause I posted it there. 

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Do you think the whole "Slutty Halloween Costume" thing is payed out? 

Okay, maybe not.

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I didn't hand out any candy or anything again this year on Halloween.  I'm just not a big fan.  I don't really like scary movies, I don't like haunted houses or any of that shit.  The main reason I don't hand anything out though, is that I get very few trick or treaters here.  There are some kids that live in the complex, but not enough to make it worth going and getting stuff to hand out.  I would really hate to get a lot of stuff and then only have 5 kids and have tons of candy and stuff left over.  No really, I would. 

But, if I did hand stuff out here's the best Halloween candy:

1. Hershey's miniatures (Dark chocolate, Mr. Goodbar, Milk Chocolate, Krackel.  In that order)
2. Kit-Kat Bars
3. Butterfingers
4. Smarties
5. Snickers

You know what I really hate. People who hand out things like toothbrushes and dental floss.  I know there are always people who have a stick up their butt about anything fun, especially when it's for kids, but C'mon Man!  That's just stupid and bitchy.

And yeah, yeah, yeah, I know SOMEBODY is going to say "Hey I hand out toothbrushes!" or whatever.  That's my #1 argument about social media and blogs. Anything anyone says there's always somebody there to be fake offended and say "Hey, I do that" or "Hey, what's wrong with that"  or "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"  I don't care.

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Even though I don't really care for horror movies that much (slasher films don't bother me, I find them funny) I will now list my favorite horror/suspense/thriller movies:

1. The Exorcist
2. The Shining
3. Silence of the Lambs
4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
5. Wait Until Dark
6. The Ring
7. Psycho
8. Young Frankenstein
9. The Omen
10. Bram Stoker's Dracula

Of course all this scariness and shit is totally offset by "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

 

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And finally, I never root for any NFL player to get hurt, even if it helps my fantasy team, but didn't we all enjoy THIS just a little bit yesterday? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Rambling About Nothing ...

First off, Aunt Jackie’s father died on Wednesday. If you could possibly find a minute or two today to send some good thoughts or prayers her family’s way I’m sure they would be much appreciated.

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stream of consciousness rambling…

So how y’all doing? I seem to have taken a few days off again. I just can’t seem to come up with anything much to talk about. Nothing all that interesting is happening. It’s currently ONE freaking degree here. That’s pretty cold. In fact the little bald guy on the local news who claims to be some kind of weather expert or something, said tonight will be the first time in like a billion years that temps in this area go below zero with no snow on the ground. I don’t know if that’s a big deal or not, but I thought I’d share. I’m watching Iron Chef America right now. Their secret ingredient is different kinds of bacon. Mmmm … bacon. I think if they ever invent smell-o-vision that I will probably want this blog to give off a bacon smell. That would probably attract a lot of people. Maybe chocolate chip cookies too. That’s a pretty yummy smell. Which reminds me. I’m hungry. I don’t know why though. I shouldn’t be. I probably should just go to bed and pretend that I’m not hungry. But then I’ll just lie there and stare at the ceiling and think about how freaking hungry I am. Oh well, I’ll worry about that later. I wonder what President Bush is doing his last weekend in the White House. I would be taking advantage of that personal chef at the taxpayers expense thing one last time. See I’m still thinking about food. Anyway, I can’t wait until Tuesday gets here. I’m sick and tired of hearing about the inauguration and I’ll be glad when it’s over. Of course I will be watching the inauguration. I always watch the inauguration. No matter who has won. Oh and that reminds me, I saw that Hillary was given the okie dokie by the Senate Intelligence Committee by a 16-1 vote. Way to put a big fight there republicans. I love the way they showed up and were like “Uh, Hil, we think maybe you and Bill should be a touch more transparent about all this money Bill gets donated to his library and foundation by foreign leaders and companies.” And then Hillary was like “Uhhh .. Nah, I don’t think so.” And then they were like “Oh, okay then. No prob babe.” I thought about doing this whole post with no punctuation, but then decided that was be so freaking annoying, so I didn’t. It’s annoying enough that I can’t put an extra space between the end of one sentence and the beginning of another. I bet this is going to look really stupid on the blog and piss people off. Oh well, sorry about that. Speaking of piss, I think some people were a bit disturbed by the sight of my urine stream on the blog the other day. But hey, what can I do? Art is disturbing sometimes. I’m surprised that pic didn’t get more “views” on Flickr though. Maybe I need to put more tags on it. I’m sure there are some piss fetish people out there that would really be turned on by that pic. Weirdoes. Oh HOLY COW Iron Chef America ended in a tie! Of course it did. They were both wrapping everything in bacon. Everybody gets a perfect score when they do that. Okay, that’s it. I’m getting something to eat. Laterz.

/stream of consciousness rambling.

New Year, Same Shit ...

- So, this is 2009 huh? I gotta tell ya. So far I'm not seeing or feeling much difference between '09 and '08. Oh sure, I'm keeping an open mind and am willing to give this 2009 thing a chance. But, so far? I'm unimpressed.

- Have you seen that new Welch's Grape Juice commercial with Alton Brown? At the very end of it Brown says "Welch's! To health!" But, the first few times that commercial ran, I thought he was saying "Welch's, to HELL." Which would have been an odd way to end a commercial for your own product.

- Overheard in the mall the other day: I was walking along, minding my own business when this couple come strolling up behind me and ..

Man: Well, she sure is cute
Woman: You haven't seen her in daylight.
Man: That wasn't nice.
Woman: Besides, most of the time you spent with her, she had her back to you and her face in a pillow.
Man: Good point.

That's why I don't wear my iPod when I'm going for my little walk. Well, that and the fact that I can't find it. I think I know where it is though. I just haven't looked.

- The NFL Playoffs or "Smokey and the Bandit" .. tough choice.

- So I have this cheapo little cell phone right? It's one of those pre-paid things, so it doesn't really count. No texting or surfing the net on it or anything like that. But, I have it with me usually when I'm out and about and I have it turned on.

Anyway, all of the sudden the thing rings! So I answer it and there's this girl on the other end of the line and she says "Hi! Is, uh, Dee Dee there?"

So I told her that she had a wrong number she was like "oh okay" and hung up.

About 2 minutes later the phone rings again. It's the same girl looking for Dee Dee again. So, again I told her that she had the wrong number. And, oh btw, this is the same wrong number you just called.

Then a couple of minutes later the phone rings again. Yup, you guessed it. Same chick. Still looking for Dee Dee. This time I had a better answer for her...

Me: "Yeah, I would like to let you talk to Dee Dee, but I have tied up and stuffed into the trunk of my car."

Her: "Huh?"

Me: "Wrong number again."

Her: "Well you don't have to be so mean about it. It's just a wrong number."

Me: "But, it's the SAME wrong number three times now. Try a different number and you might get a different result!"

Then she hung up.

Seriously, I can understand a wrong number. I can even understand thinking that MY number is the right number and she just messed up and dialed a different number. So calling my number again I can understand. But, after she messed it up twice, why did she call THE SAME NUMBER a third time? What a dumbass.

See, 2009 is no different than 2008 was. Just full of dumbassery.

How long until 2010 gets here?

Friday Randomness ...

First a PSA:

Everyone go over to Mrs. D’s blog and congratulate her and Mr. D! Mrs. D is going to have baby #2! Congrats!


So yeah, I kinda disappeared for a few days there. Mostly because I just had nothing to say. Kinda like now.

I was thinking of saying something about the election, but lots of people already have done so much more eloquently than I could. I mean, I guess I could give some fancy analysis about what it all means and how the results mean a lot less than some people on the left want to think they mean, and more than what some people on the right want them to mean, but what’s the point?

I will say though that early voting is the tits! Every single state should allow early voting. It makes things sooooo much better and so much more convenient for the voters. And making it easier to vote and giving people more chances to participate in the electoral process is a good thing. And if I was wondering whether or not I liked the early voting idea, when I saw Fred Barnes on Fox News yelling “This early voting has got to stop!” I knew early voting was good. Anything Fred is that opposed to is definitely good for America.

Okay, in fairness Fred’s biggest problem with early voting is that he was forced to vote along with a bunch of “poor” and “old” people that he clearly doesn’t like to be subjected to.

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I wonder why it is that when I get a direct message from Twitter I get it on my email, but it doesn’t show up on my Twitter page? Strange.

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Back to the election, Arkansas voters freaking spazzed out. The voters (not me, I voted NO) voted to ban not only gay adoption, but to ban ANY unmarried couple and single people from being foster parents. That’s just fucking stupid.

We also voted (again not me, I voted NO) to allow the General Assembly to meet in regular session EVERY YEAR instead of every other year as is the law now. WHYYYYYYYY? They do enough damage every two years as it is. Oh and how do they propose to pay for the expenses that go along with the General Assembly being in session every year?? Dumbasses.

Not to mention the stupid fucking water bonds issue.

I did vote YES on the Lottery, which also passed. Normally I vote NO on that, but this time it was a stand alone lottery bill and didn’t include local option for casino gambling. I’m not opposed to casino gambling, I’ve done my fair share of it in my day, I’m just opposed to casino gambling here in Arkansas.

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Woo hoo! NFL on Thursday Night! What a country!

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Since I didn’t do a fantasy football post this week I need to post a cheerleader pic today I guess. So, in honor of Moe Wanchuck over at the Palm Isle here are some cute Michigan State Cheerleaders …


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How ‘bout some more words added to my F-list…

Transition (not Anndi’s blog Transition, of course)
Landslide
Center-right
Center-left
Mandate (not mandate.com though, I mean, if that’s your thing that I’m cool with that)
Liberal agenda
Conservative agenda
Obamacons
Palinites, Palin People, Palinwhatevers
Republican Civil War
Permanent Democratic Majority
Campaign Post-Mortems
Throw *insert name here* under the bus.

The F-list is the brainchild of Death Chic...


Okay, that’s all I’ve got.

Just Some Stuff ...

There were a couple of things brought up on posts last week and some of the comments so I thought I’d hit on those things here. Plus a couple of other things too.


- While I’m definitely considering some kind of overhaul of the blog, it probably won’t include a move to Word Press. I don’t know if I want to go to that much effort. Maybe just a change of the look of this blog. Besides, I don’t want to have to ask people to change their links on their blog rolls.

Most importantly though a few people said that they don’t like Word Press very much. Knight was the first to mention this and well, we all know that Knight freaking rules and I’m pretty much going to do whatever she wants. So, no Word Press.

Speaking of blog rolls, I’ve really got to do something about mine. Its a mess. I have many on there that are no longer blogging and I have several that need to be added. And a few who went private and didn’t invite me. Not that I’m bitter about that at all. I don’t know why I obsess over this blog roll so much, but I do. I don’t wanna leave anyone out. I used to look at other people’s links to see if I was there, but I don’t do that anymore.

Maybe I’ll just add that “Follow Me” Option to the sidebar and let that be my blog roll?


- I agree that is does seem odd that there would be a Mexican Consulate in Omaha, Nebraska. I really don’t think the Mexican population there is very big at all. But then again, there’s a Mexican Consulate in Little Rock too. Hell, you can fly direct from Little Rock to Mexico City now.


- I’m surprised by how picky some of ya’ll are about your redheads. I remember back in the summer all the talk by some people about if Barack Obama is “black enough” and I thought that was silly, but I had no idea that redheads and redhead lovers were so militant about someone being “redhead enough.”

Unfortunately I think I’ve found all the redhead cheerleaders there are for my Wed posts. I’ve looked and looked and looked. It’s just been killing me to look at ALL THOSE cheerleader pics trying to find a redhead for you people.

Anyway, just for the hell of it, here is my current favorite redhead (although I admit that I haven’t seen whether or not the carpets mach the drapes, but she looks like a “real” redhead to me) Christina Hendricks …


You probably, or at least should, know her as the smoking hot Joan Holloway on Mad Men. Or, you might know her as the smoking hot Olivia on one of my other favorite shows Life. Aaaaaaaaand some of you might even remember her as the smoking hot Saffron from Firefly back in the day.


- I can’t believe there was no Sunday Night Football on NBC this week. Who’s idea was this? Just because they didn’t want to put on an NFL game opposite the World Series? All out of “professional” courtesy? Pffft .. I say the NFL should just MLB’s ass in the ratings head to head. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if just a regular season NFL match up whipped a World Series game in the ratings? Yeah, I think it would be.


- Last week while Kell was here, she made a big pot of White Bean Chicken Chili. It was so yummy I decided to make a pot of it again tonight …


I love this stuff!


And finally, in honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, there are several bloggers doing their part to Save The Ta-Ta’s!

G-Man over at Man Overboard is actually making a donation for every set of Ta-Ta’s that a blogger sends him. He’s up to $26 so far, and there’s still a week to go. Let’s see if we can get that total up there some more this last week people!

And, Olga the Traveling Bra and Claire want you to “Smoosh” your boobies. Follow THIS LINK to find out what she’s talking about! It’s all in the name of breast cancer prevention. Oh, and it’s also Doodle Week too. So those of you who are handy with some kind of MS Paint software or something similar, go over to OTTB and find out what Doodle Week is all about too.

Mostly Useless Random Crap ....

Okay, so I’m suffering from a bit of blog block. Actually, it’s more of a self-imposed blog block. There are a lot of things I keep thinking of blogging about, but then I decide that nobody cares about those things and I just let it go.

Sometimes I type out these long rants about different things and then I just save them to my desktop and let them sit there for a day or so then trash them. Even if I don’t post them, it makes me feel better to just get it out of my system.

Maybe I should set up a rant blog that is completely anonymous and just post all my crazy shit there? But wait, isn’t that was THIS blog was supposed to be? Oh well.

Speaking of blogs, I haven’t responded to comments in a while either. Damn, I’m getting sloppy here. This is not the kind of blogging activity that you guys have come to expect from me. I must get back to making sure that you have an exceptional blogging experience here at Cynical_Bastard.

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I was recently given awards by … uh .. I think Charlene and Mrs. D. And .. um .. shit, I really should thank people for those awards like the day after they give them to me so I can remember these things huh? I mean, if I can’t remember where I put my damn keys, why do I think I would be able to remember who gave me a blog award??

Anyway, if I left somebody out I apologize. Just let me know what a thoughtless prick I am in comments, okay?

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So I’m sitting here the other day flipping through the channels while thinking about what to blog about and I flip past Great American Country channel and suddenly had to go back. Yup. There was a black guy with a guitar standing in a field singing a country song. I then noticed from the graphic on the screen that this was song #11 on their weekly country countdown.

I stared at this video for a second and thought about how cool it was that Barack Obama has already brought so much change and acceptance to this country that a black guy can have a song on the top twenty country countdown. I was so happy about this that I almost began to cry a bit.

Then I realized that it was Hootie (Darius Rucker) from Hootie and the Blowfish fame just trying to revive his long dead career by going country.

And then I died a little inside.

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What's the deal with all of these people who want to stand sooooo close to me while waiting in line? You know these people? You're standing in line at say the convenience store and the walk up behind you and they're so close you can actually feel their breath on your neck? God I can't stand those people.

I've actually turned around and told people to move before because were so close. Once, while standing line in Wal-Mart these too teenage dudes walked up behind me and one kept getting closer and closer until I finally turned around asked him if he wanted to ask me out or something. Boy did he get pissed. Then his friends started laughing at him and gving him shit, which pissed him off even more.

Then I elbowed another guy once. He's lucky I didn't smack him right in the balls.

Anyway, a little personal space if you don't mind people.

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Speaking of convenience stores .... The other day while I was in line (giving the person in front of me plenty of room) the clerk informed a woman that if she got two small Kit-Kat bars from the sale barrel she would actually get more Kit-Kat goodness for a lower price than the one Giant Kit-Kat she was buying. So, the lady said okay and did just that. Then the clerk quickly said "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

I thought she was saying that her boss would get made because she sold something less profitable, but that wasn't it. She said that she did something similar to a lady last week and the lady got angry with her and asked "Why? Do think I can't afford this or something?"

Again people, are we really this sensitive and touchy? Is it so bad now that even if someone is trying to save you money, you take it personally? Somebody is trying to honestly point out to you that you can get more for less and you are going to take it as personal attack on your character and financial fitness? That's just fucking pathetic.

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But, you know what’s NOT pathetic? My favorite network TV show, Pushing Daisies. And not just because it features Anna Friel goodness…


but because that show kicks ass.

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Speaking of great shows, is everyone also watching the final season of The Shield? OMG it’s freaking awesome! I can’t believe this is the final season. I don’t want it to end at all.


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Okay, that’s all I’ve got. I’m seriously considering vlogging for tomorrow. I just need to come up with something to vlog about.

Slow News Day ...

Here is what my weekly horoscope says....

“You’re normally a very confident and positive person, Pisces. But lately you’re a skeptic. Find out what’s bugging you.”

Heh. “Confident and positive?” Somebody hasn’t been reading this blog.


Dear Alltel,

If your company’s primary mission to make sure that your exorbitantly priced DSL will go down at THE MOST inconvenient times for me, then consider it ‘mission accomplished’ my friends. In fact, have the CEO give himself a multi-million dollar bonus and a much smaller bonus to the person who came up with the idea. And then go and pass along my personal congratulations to all the people who worked so hard to make your dream possible. Great work guys!

Love,

Jay


You know, all I hear from ESPN is how the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry is the BEST in baseball and how it’s such a tough, mean, nasty rivalry. But, then I see things like this and I think that it’s much more of a friendly rivalry...


Awwww .. isn’t that soooooo sweet.


I’m really ready for the Olympics to start. Mainly because they’ll never get over with if they don’t ever start. Seriously, was awarding China the Olympics a terrible idea, or the worst idea ever?


I’m also having a hard time deciding who to root for in this Andrew Giuliani V Duke situation where Giuliani is suing the school because he was kicked off the golf team. An over-privileged asshole son of an asshole politician with a stunning sense of entitlement or Duke University. Tough call on that one.


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In other news you might notice that a whole bunch of people have been added to the Bastard Nation. Uh ... that’s the blog roll over there on the sidebar. You will notice that it is still in alphabetical order, except for my good buddy Chelle being on top as always, so look through and make sure that I didn’t leave you off.

If I did leave you off the blog roll, it wasn’t anything person. Just let me know and I’ll add you. Unless your one of those people who have NEVER commented on this blog and send me an email asking me to add you MY blog roll. Nothing personal people, but it really doesn’t work that way. No matter how awesome your blog or web site might be.


And finally I have set up the Fantasy Football league and will be unveiling all that good stuff on Wednesday. I’ve decided that Wednesday is going to be football day here. So, for all you communists people who hate football you’ve been warned.

Random Randomness and Stuff ....

- Someone from my alma mater has called me every single month for a full decade now asking me to donate to the business school. My perfect record of saying “no” remains intact after Tuesday night.

But, I do have to give them credit. No matter how many times I move and no matter how many times I change phone numbers, addresses and emails, they still track me down. If the CIA would put these people in charge of tracking down Osama bin Laden to ask him for donations to the Business School we would have that bastard in custody in about a month.

- I keep hearing people go on and on and on about InBev buying out Anheuser Busch and how terrible this is. But, personally I’m a little more concerned about Abu Dhabi buying the Chrysler building. At least Busch was bought out by a company that operates in a free and democratic country.

- As I mentioned on Twitter, I set up my new wireless adapter Tuesday. I actually got it to working in just a few minutes. No cussing or throwing anything at all. Amazing.

- I recently found the fan pages on Facebook. So, while a lot of people were joining the fan pages of really great causes such as UNICEF and The American Cancer Society and other organizations, I was joining the fan pages of The Hills, The Girls Next Door and The Gilmore Girls. Don’t judge me.

- Each of the last three mornings I have woken up lying on my left side with the light from my clock radio blinding me. This is weird because I almost never sleep on my left side. I start out on my back, then roll over onto my right side, then left side (and maybe back and forth anywhere from 2 to 7,188 times depending on how much trouble I have getting to sleep) and then finally onto my right side and sleep there.

I also haven’t had any memorable dreams the last three nights. Can I only dream if I’m lying on my right side?

- I’ve mentioned here before my absent-mindedness from time to time. Losing things that are actually in my hand, or get up and walk into another room and stand there not remembering what I went in there to get. Of course, the most infamous of these moments was when I put the left over mac & cheese into a container and then put the container back up into the cabinet instead of the fridge. It sat in that cabinet for at least a week too. Needless to say that got tossed without the lid coming off that bad boy.

Well, I’m also quite destructive and klutzy too. I tend to run into things that I know are there cause I they have been there for years. Not just chairs or tables, but door facings and even walls. I have the microwave in the pantry area cause there isn’t enough room for it on the counter. I was getting some yummy Sirloin Burger Soup out of it not too long ago and ran right into the wall with it and spilled it. I think I cussed a bit that time.

I also tend to knock things over and knock things off tables and counters. It would seem impossible for me to reach some of the things I knock off the counter when I walk by, but somehow I manage.

When I’m wearing a hat I ALWAYS hit the bill of the hat on the car when I’m getting into it and knock the hat sideways or clean off. Every. Single. Time.

I’ve dropped my camera ... TWICE! The second time would have really done damage had it not fallen on my foot rather than the pavement.

Just yesterday I pulled off two impressive moves.

1. Not long after setting up my new wireless adapter I had it sitting on my little Table Mate II that I keep my laptop on. When I pushed the table back and stood up to do something I knocked the wireless adapter off the table and watched it bounce around on the floor. No damage, luckily.

2. As I was emailing somebody last night I was just typing away and the little table was shaking like Pam and Tommy Lee’s bed on a Saturday night. The shaking knocked my water bottle off the table. For some reason I decided to try to “save” the bottle. When I reached for it I banged my forearm on the edge of the table, then instead of catching the bottle I batted it up in the air and it hit me in the forehead.

Bonus: The bottle was empty and the cap was on it, so there was no need to desperately try to “save” it.