Monday Meanderings...

So I was in a convenience store Sunday and saw four guys coming out of the men's restroom.  FOUR.  And there is only ONE toilet in that bathroom.  The amazing thing was that nobody else in the place seemed to react to them at all.  The door opens and the four of them come out of there and everyone except me it just "yeah whatever" and nobody says anything or anything else.  Clerk looked at them and then just went back to whatever she was doing.  I had no idea this was such a common event.  Maybe I should get out more.

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There are 175 million people using Twitter.  Of that only 376 follow me.  And of that only about 25 ever interact with me.  And of that only about 12 or so interact with me regularly.  I feel so freaking insignificant.

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So I got a Google Voice number.  501-492-9617.  I don't really know why I got one.  I was going to post it on the sidebar and I still might. Well, I did on my Tumblr but I don't know why.  Anyone who wants my number just has to ask.  Or check your phonebook on Facebook cause I posted it there. 

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Do you think the whole "Slutty Halloween Costume" thing is payed out? 

Okay, maybe not.

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I didn't hand out any candy or anything again this year on Halloween.  I'm just not a big fan.  I don't really like scary movies, I don't like haunted houses or any of that shit.  The main reason I don't hand anything out though, is that I get very few trick or treaters here.  There are some kids that live in the complex, but not enough to make it worth going and getting stuff to hand out.  I would really hate to get a lot of stuff and then only have 5 kids and have tons of candy and stuff left over.  No really, I would. 

But, if I did hand stuff out here's the best Halloween candy:

1. Hershey's miniatures (Dark chocolate, Mr. Goodbar, Milk Chocolate, Krackel.  In that order)
2. Kit-Kat Bars
3. Butterfingers
4. Smarties
5. Snickers

You know what I really hate. People who hand out things like toothbrushes and dental floss.  I know there are always people who have a stick up their butt about anything fun, especially when it's for kids, but C'mon Man!  That's just stupid and bitchy.

And yeah, yeah, yeah, I know SOMEBODY is going to say "Hey I hand out toothbrushes!" or whatever.  That's my #1 argument about social media and blogs. Anything anyone says there's always somebody there to be fake offended and say "Hey, I do that" or "Hey, what's wrong with that"  or "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"  I don't care.

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Even though I don't really care for horror movies that much (slasher films don't bother me, I find them funny) I will now list my favorite horror/suspense/thriller movies:

1. The Exorcist
2. The Shining
3. Silence of the Lambs
4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
5. Wait Until Dark
6. The Ring
7. Psycho
8. Young Frankenstein
9. The Omen
10. Bram Stoker's Dracula

Of course all this scariness and shit is totally offset by "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

 

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And finally, I never root for any NFL player to get hurt, even if it helps my fantasy team, but didn't we all enjoy THIS just a little bit yesterday? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Athlete Dongs and My Attempt at Voting...

Over the past year there has been a rash of athlete dongs showing up on the internet.  Greg Oden, George Hill, Santonio Holmes and Visanthe Shiancoe have all showed off their "boys" on the internets.  Well, not really intentionally.  Oden, Hill and Holmes all sent their pics to women hoping to get a little action only to have those girls post the pics on the net.  Shiancoe just happened to be standing in the locker room naked when Fox Sports cameras were rolling.

Now people sending racy cell phone pics to others is a pretty common practice.  A practice I support 1000% and think should continue unabated.  The only problem I've had with these athlete dong pics is that they have made me feel really inadequate.  Well, they DID until Brett Favre's pics showed up on the net.  Now? I'm feeling much better about myself.

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I have a couple of pet-peeves that I just can't let go any longer.  The first one I tweeted about on Monday.  I don't know why people find postal codes so difficult.  I agree  that they're more difficult than time zones, but apparently time zones confuse the fuck out of a lot of people too.  But, if someone is writing a blog post, or worse, an article for a newspaper or magazine, there really isn't any excuse for getting the wrong postal code for a state.  Google is only a click away people.

But, I do want to clear this up.  Arkansas' postal code is AR.  Not AK (Alaska), AL (Alabama) or AZ (Arizona)

Okay, I can get the confusion with Alaska.  I mean, Arkansas does have a "K" in it.  But what the fuck is the deal with all the people who keep trying to use "AZ" for Arkansas?  I'm sorry, but there is no way someone can type or write "AZ" and think that would be Arkansas' postal code. It doesn't make any fucking sense. There is no "Z" in Arkansas.  Focus people!

Okay, here's my second one.  I've suddenly seen this one all over the place and I can't decide if it's stupidity or if it's the new "cool" way to do this.  But folks, when you are talking about rooting for your favorite team, say the Cowboys just for an example, please stop saying things like "I 'route' for my Cowboys whether they win or lose."

"Route" .. Really people?  You don't know the difference between "Root" and "Route?"  Oy vey!

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So mom decided to vote absentee this year.  At first she wasn't going to vote, but then she decided she wanted one more chance to vote "Yes" on the Wet/Dry issue.  So she requested and got an absentee ballot.  I told her when she was done to just give the sealed envelope to me and I would take it to the clerk's office and then go downstairs and vote early and get that done with.  Such a simple, yet brilliant plan right?

Well turning in her ballot was simple enough.  I did have to talk to someone I went to high school with and didn't really care if I ever saw again, but other than that, it was no problem.  Then I ran downstairs to the courthouse basement (where the jail was way back in the day) to vote.  But, there wasn't anyone there.  Then I remembered that last year they had moved early voting over to one of the multitude of empty buildings downtown so that nobody would have to deal with the stairs at the courthouse to get to the voting booth.  So, I headed over to the place across the street but when I got to the sidewalk I could see that there wasn't any voting going on over there either.

I then walked around the courthouse looking to see if there was a "Vote Here" sign in front of any of the buildings.  Nothing.  "Hmm,” I thought to myself.  Then I remembered reading in the paper that voting would be moved to one of the multitude of empty stores at the mall.  I remember thinking how smart that was because the mall is 98% empty and there is plenty of parking.

So I drove to the mall and when I walked in I realized there wasn't any voting going on there either.  Just old people walking laps and a couple of little demon spawn kids playing on the little indoor slide and play center.  I decided that since I was there I should walk a couple of laps.  I didn't want the trip to be a total waste.

Anyway, I drove home thinking about how much easier it would have to have just run back into the courthouse and ask the clerk where the early voting was.  But, I would have had to talk to my old high school classmate again, so it's probably best that I didn't.  After I got home I decided to look online to see if they listed early voting locations and they did!  It says the courthouse and the mall.

Needless to say I was a little miffed trying to figure out why nobody was there late Tuesday afternoon.  Then I looked at the dates again.  Starting Oct 18th.

Uhh .. Yeah, that's NEXT Monday.

Crap.

Roids, Washed Up QBs, Losers and a Hottie ...

I don’t really care all that much about Alex Rodgriguez testing positive for steroids. I am rather concerned about what he might be taking that had turned him orange though …


That’s some weird shit man.


So, Brett Favre says he’s retiring. Again. I can’t wait until August when he un-retires. Again.

I can see it now. He announces he’s coming out of retirement and will play for the Detroit Lions.

Some blowhard on ESPN immediately says that Detroit is the “odds on favorite” to win the NFC, even though they went 0-16 last season.

Favre leads Detroit to 3 wins while throwing 19 interceptions and 12 touchdowns and is named to the Pro Bowl.

Seems as though Jets fans aren’t all that nostalgic about the Favre years…




So yesterday my good friend Dana posted about a few sets of parents who are so frustrated with their kids lack of discipline and whatever that they have resorted to making the kids stand on street corners holding up signs telling everyone what they have done.

One of the stories she referenced was this one that I sent her …


Now, for the record, I’m totally in favor of parents taking creative measures to get their kids attention. I think the public humiliation idea is worth a try. But, that’s not what I’m going to talk about here. No, I want to talk about the kid’s grades.

You will see in the pic that the kid got an “E” in both English and Algebra. You might be wondering what an “E” grade is. Well, I had to look this up too.

Turns out, it’s a failing grade. But, an “F,” which stands for “failure” has been deemed to be too mean to the poor, delicate little snowflakes, so they had to change the failing grade to “E” for “Effort.”

Hey, even my adopted alma mater of Arizona State University has done this, so apparently it’s pretty common.

Needless to say when I read about that I just laughed my ass off. By all means let’s make sure they don’t feel bad about themselves when they fail a class!


*Breaking News*

According to THIS article, Julia Louis Dreyfus says that not only has she ALWAYS been down with the idea of doing nude scenes, but that she is still willing to do one. She says the only problem is, no one has ever asked her to.


Ahem …. *Picks up camera and switches it’s setting to “video”*


Hey Julia .. wanna do a vlog together??

Football Wednesday!

The blog league is set! We are ready to go. Here’s the lineup....

Top Division:

1. Deatheaters ................... Me!
2. Amazon Gargoyles ....... Dana
3. The Snarkers ................. WNG
4. Youse Guys ................... Dianne
5. Corky’s Crew ................ Captain Corky
6. The Crushers ................. Karen
7. Oxidents Happen ........... Tali

Bottom Division:

1. New York Rockers ........ Rockdog
2. Bagwine Boners ............ Matt-Man
3. Sin City NE ................... NE*
4. Emmeline’s Harem ....... Emmeline
5. Bronx Bombers ............. Bond
6. The Texas Tamales ....... Kat**
7. ????????? ...................... M***


*NE’s blog is private. Why? I don’t know.
**Kat doesn’t have a blog, but she is on Blogtalk Radio. And she’s cool.
*** M will set up her team whenever she feels like it I guess. ;-)
BTW, my apologies to M for not putting her blog Rumblings and Bumblings on the “Hot Babes” list yesterday. She definitely belongs on THAT list!

Ok, so now it’s time to get busy! I will be sending out an email reminding everyone to rank his/her players and all that cool stuff.

To rank your players simply go to the league page and then click on the “draft” tab.


Then click on “rank players.”


If you want to just use Flea Flicker’s player rankings, just click “save” and you’re ready. If you want to change the rankings up then you can click and drag players or search for them and add them that way.


Again, the live draft is on Thursday August 21, at 7:30 PM CENTRAL. If that doesn’t work out for you the computer will auto pick for you from your player ranking list.

If you do plan on being there for the live draft (and even if you are there you can still do the auto pick by clicking the “away” box or just letting your 1:30 expire without picking and it will pick for you) and plan on picking your team yourself then I HIGHLY recommend you going through a few mock drafts. Just to be sure that you are comfortable with the way the draft works.

The “Mock Draft” tab is on the main page when you log in.



Now, a lot of people think that the pre-season is boring. But, right now is an important time folks. There are a lot of questions that need to be answered like ....

1. Will Peyton Manning’s knee be 100% by the time the season opens.

2. Is it worth it to draft Steven Smith and just bench him during his two game suspension or should you wait and hope that he’s available after week two?

3. Ditto for Brandon Marshall.

4. Is Tony Romo going to be too distracted by Jessica Simpson dancing nekkid for him on webcam to study the playbook?

5. Is Barack Obama Aaron Rodgers ready to lead?

6. Will ESPN set up a special Twitter so they can update us on Brett Favre’s every move?

“6:15 AM Favre’s alarm goes off”
“6:17 AM Brett is having sex with his wife.”
“6:17:30 AM Brett is getting in the shower.”

7. Has Matt Leinart really decided that football is as important to him as knocking up volleyball players and partying with underage chicks?

8. Will Darren McFadden be the stud everyone thinks he will be in Oakland?

9. Will Reggie Bush be so distracted by Kim Kardashian’s ass and the fact that her sister Kourtney is actually the hottest Kardasian, that he doesn’t study the playbook enough?

10. Should I draft the Buccaneers Cheerleaders?


See there are a lots of important things to worry about in pre-season.