An Easter Extravaganza ...

This week's Easter Extravaganza on “I'm With Stupid” was EPIC! I mean, we really nailed it this week. We talked Easter traditions, had a live remote from the resurrection, and uh, other stuff. Including our new sponsor, the Bethlehem Casino Resort and Hotel in Las Vegas where Jesus Goodbar is playing 40 nights at the Manger Room this summer.

Also, Dana just couldn't resist the “Click to Talk” button any longer and just had to try it out. So, now we know that people in the chat room can call the show via Skype using that button. I'm really shocked at how well it worked.

Anyway, it was another 45 minutes of non-stop fun and critically-acclaimed jocularity. Give it a listen if you get the chance.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

*Also, you may notice that I turned comments off. It suddenly occurred to me that since I don't blog anymore, there's no reason for me to spend so much time deleting spam comments anymore either. Plus, this protects people from the urge to say something stupid. It's a win-win.

Lent 2011: It's Gonna Be Fu ... uh ... Difficult ...

Friends, Bloggers, Lurkers … Lent me your ears.

Oh man, that was so corny it was good.

Anyway, you what time of year it is kids? That's right! It's time for people who AREN'T giving anything up for lent to criticize what others ARE giving up. I've been struggling mightily trying to decide what to give up from my already Spartan lifestyle. I put out the call on Twitter yesterday and got all kinds of ideas. Most just down right unacceptable. Things like pork, alcohol, Pepsi and the silliest of all, Gilmore Girls reruns. Folks, I gotta draw the line somewhere. And giving up Lorelai and Rory just isn't gonna happen.

Neither is pork. Even though the person who suggested it is a beautiful, smart, sweet and all-around wonderful human being. Sorry Sweet Pea, but if I give up pork, I might as well convert to Judaism or Islam. And then, I wouldn't need to come up with something to give up during lent. Of course, I'm not Catholic either, and Methodists rarely participate in lent. Then again, I haven't stepped foot in a Methodist Church in years either. I'm really just a regular, every day, non-denominational Christian who should probably stop using the Lord's name in vein and shit like that.

Oh wow! What a great idea that would be. Give up cussing for lent! Cause, you know, I really should give up cussing anyway. It's a terrible habit. Even though I am really good at it. I know my mother would probably love that. Hold on, let me see what she thinks.

Me: “While doing my blog post, I came up with a great idea for lent.”

Mom: *rolling her eyes and sighing* “What's that?”

Me: “I could give up cussing.”

Mom: *sounding a little skeptical* “Well, if you just gave up the 'F-Word' it would help.”

Me: “Help with what? What are you saying here?”

Mom: “Oh nothing. I'm just saying giving up that word would help.”

I assume she means “Help with Jesus.”

GAWD damn, she's right! This could be a great way to get on Jesus' good side. He and I haven't been getting along all that great for a while now. This will allow me to prove that I'm making a good faith effort to be BFFs with him. And, maybe he'll let our upcoming “Easter Extravaganza” coming up in a few weeks on “I'm With Stupid” go. Cause YOU KNOW that show is gonna be offensive.

Of course, if I do this, Jesus and I are going to have to work out some details. Like, I'm going to need a couple of waivers. Hey, we've done this type of agreement before. The last couple of years I've given up junk food and alcohol for lent and Jesus gave me a waiver for my birthday. So, this year I'm probably going to need a waiver for anytime anyone at Fox News does something really fucking stupid.

Like when Steve Doocey says that it's easy to beat DNA tests that use a Q-Tip to swab the inside of a mouth simply by “putting someone else's DNA in your mouth.”

Or when Mike Huckabee criticizes Harvard educated multi-millionaire Natalie Portman for supposedly “glamorizing” single motherhood and having kids out of wedlock while pretending that Bristol Palin doesn't exist.

Actually, pretty much anytime Mike Huckabee says ANYTHING. And especially when he says something stupid and someone turns to me and says “You actually voted for that Shit Bag for governor?”

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand possibly if Duke wins another national championship.

Other than that, I think I'm good go go. Holy shit this is gonna be hard!

But, I think this is a great idea. It's a different, it's a tremendous challenge, and God Dammit it's the right fucking thing to do. It won't be easy, but I know I can do it.

And, Jesus is gonna be soooooo proud of me.

Jesus' Sex Life is None of Our Business...

Some arteest in Denver has a display of his work at a local museum/art gallery type place.  There are 7 panels of his work being shown and in the corner of one of these panels is a depiction of Jesus having sex.  Surprisingly enough, there are some people who have a little problem with this.  And, like everyone who has a problem with anyone or anything in this country, they're not keeping it to themselves.  About 30 or so of them decided to protest outside of the museum to give the guy even more publicity and probably lots more people to come and view his work to publicly project their anger upon this dude.

Oh, so we're all pretending that Jesus was a virgin now?

I didn't know the alternate title for the Holy Bible was "The 35 Year old Virgin."  I mean really, we're supposed to believe that Jesus never got it on?  Have you ever seen Mary Magdalene?  That chick was HAWT!  I know this surprises a lot of people, but my research has determined that Mary looked a lot like Israeli actress Moran Atias ...


See how hot she was? I'd attack her Gaza Strip!  And check out THOSE Golan Heights!  Oh, I know that when we were kids we were all taught she looked more like Golda Meir.  But, that was just to keep us from masturbating to her.  Fact is, Mary Magdalene was damn sexy and I’m guessing Jesus was all over that!

Also, Jesus was pretty wild in his college days.  That happens when they go to a big public university.  Jesus was hanging out with a pretty wild crowd.  Prostitutes, strippers, gamblers and other partying types.  You know, "my people."

Oh sure, there's that whole "Jesus died without sin" thing, but it's entirely possible that he simply declared himself sin-free and everybody just accepted it.  Just like Newt Gingrich and Rudy Giuliani have.

I do have to tell you that I did go to Google and put "Was Jesus a virgin?" into the search engine to see what I would get.  Lots of interesting stuff there.  I did find a few sites similar to Yahoo Answers where a person posts a question and then regular everyday people answer them for us.  On one of the site I found someone posted this answer to my question...


“I DON'T CARE! I'm NOT saying I DON'T believe in God and/or Jesus. I'm just saying I DON'T CARE if He was a virgin or not! NONE OF MY BUSINESS. . . . . . . .or YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”


Don’t be getting all up in Jesus' business yo!  You don't need to know if he was a virgin or not and you shouldn't be asking.  I mean, the J-Man doesn't stick his nose in YOUR private life, does he?  He isn't out there telling who you can and can't have sex with and shit like that.  He isn't telling you not to spank it videos of Miley Cyrus dancing around in Daisy Dukes and kicks while pretending that she's giving you a lap dance, DOES HE?

HELL NO! 

They make a good point.  It's not that an artist's depiction of Jesus having sex is offensive.  It's just none of our business.

Junkless 4 Jesus II: Electric Boogaloo ....

Well, it’s that time again folks.  Today is Fat Tuesday.  That means that tomorrow is the first day of lent.  As you may remember, last year I gave junk food.  In fact, last year’s lent was called “Junkless for Jesus.”  

And, it was a rousing limited success.  For the most part I made it through.  I think there were a few moments of weakness which resulted in a couple of Krispy Kremes being consumed.  And maybe a slice of cheesecake, if I remember correctly.  But, in general is survived.

Now, I realize that giving up junk food isn’t exactly as impressive as Matt-Man’s going “Meatless for the Messiah” or his decision to give up bread this year.  But, giving up chips, chocolate, fast food burgers, pizza and the rest of that awesome stuff isn’t exactly easy either. 

This year I did consider the possibility of turning it up a notch.  I thought about going meatless.  But, about ten seconds later I rejected that idea.  I thought about saying “no hot women on the blog” but rejected that because that would basically be forcing YOU to go through Lent with me, and I don’t want to make you suffer too.

I did briefly consider going off the grid for lent too.  Actually I very seriously considered it.  I thought about giving up blogs, twitter, Facebook and all internet forums.  Okay, so Facebook would have been pretty easy to give up.  Well, not really.  There are a few people who I only have any real contact with through Facebook and I would totally miss them. 

Anyway, in the end I decided against that.  Jesus agreed that while you’re supposed to give up something you love, it isn’t necessary to give up the only real fun and enjoyment you get outta life. 

What? You don’t think Jesus and I discussed this?  Oh, you totally believe that Jesus told Larry Craig and David Vitter everything was cool when they got caught getting  blow jobs from other men in public restrooms and using the services of a prostitute respectively, but you don’t think the J-Dude and I discussed lent?  Don’t be an idiot.

Anyway, I’ve decided that the best thing to do is to give up junk food again.  The added benefit of this would be to possibly, finally get junk food out of my life.  But, just to add a little extra to it, I’m also going to do away with soft drinks.  Even diet drinks.  No soft drinks at all.  Just milk, orange juice and water.  And beer, bourbon and tequila.

Okay, I agree with what you’re thinking.  I’ll throw the alcohol in there too. 

So, there you go.  For lent this year I will be giving up all junk food, soft drinks and alcohol.  

I’m calling it “Junkless 4 Jesus II:  Electric Boogaloo” 

As a part of the agreement that Jesus and I have hammered out …. What?  Oh yeah, Jesus is totally open to negotiating these things.   Of course, it helped that I discussed this with him while he was a bit distracted watching the upcoming movie “Chloe.  That’s the one which Amanda Seyfried gets all kinds of naked in.


He totally illegally downloaded that movie and watched on his laptop.  I don’t even know how he found it since it doesn’t come out for a few months, but, lets just say he has ways of finding these things.

Anyway, what was I talking about.  Right.  My lent agreement with Jesus is basically the same as last year.  While the official rules of lent allow for people to cheat on Sundays, or at least some people have those rules, I’ll do my best not to play that way.  However, I will once again be exempt on my birthday.  Again, if Jesus didn’t want to exempt me from lent on my birthday, he wouldn’t have arranged for me to be born during lent.  Jesus also agreed that anything that I fix for dinner, like maybe a cheeseburger or grilled ham and cheese, won’t be considered junk food.  Only if I go and get it at the drive through.  That’s totally fair too and really cool of Jesus to agree to that.  Which I totally expected cause you know, Jesus isn’t an asshole or anything like that.

Okay, so there it is.  Lent is set.  It’s not going to be easy.  I’ll be the sober one at the Twitter parties and I guess I’ll have to be the sober one when Annie and Burl host their annual drunk party on March, 13th.  But, I think there has to be some sacrifice, right?

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.