Junkless 4 Jesus II: Electric Boogaloo ....

Well, it’s that time again folks.  Today is Fat Tuesday.  That means that tomorrow is the first day of lent.  As you may remember, last year I gave junk food.  In fact, last year’s lent was called “Junkless for Jesus.”  

And, it was a rousing limited success.  For the most part I made it through.  I think there were a few moments of weakness which resulted in a couple of Krispy Kremes being consumed.  And maybe a slice of cheesecake, if I remember correctly.  But, in general is survived.

Now, I realize that giving up junk food isn’t exactly as impressive as Matt-Man’s going “Meatless for the Messiah” or his decision to give up bread this year.  But, giving up chips, chocolate, fast food burgers, pizza and the rest of that awesome stuff isn’t exactly easy either. 

This year I did consider the possibility of turning it up a notch.  I thought about going meatless.  But, about ten seconds later I rejected that idea.  I thought about saying “no hot women on the blog” but rejected that because that would basically be forcing YOU to go through Lent with me, and I don’t want to make you suffer too.

I did briefly consider going off the grid for lent too.  Actually I very seriously considered it.  I thought about giving up blogs, twitter, Facebook and all internet forums.  Okay, so Facebook would have been pretty easy to give up.  Well, not really.  There are a few people who I only have any real contact with through Facebook and I would totally miss them. 

Anyway, in the end I decided against that.  Jesus agreed that while you’re supposed to give up something you love, it isn’t necessary to give up the only real fun and enjoyment you get outta life. 

What? You don’t think Jesus and I discussed this?  Oh, you totally believe that Jesus told Larry Craig and David Vitter everything was cool when they got caught getting  blow jobs from other men in public restrooms and using the services of a prostitute respectively, but you don’t think the J-Dude and I discussed lent?  Don’t be an idiot.

Anyway, I’ve decided that the best thing to do is to give up junk food again.  The added benefit of this would be to possibly, finally get junk food out of my life.  But, just to add a little extra to it, I’m also going to do away with soft drinks.  Even diet drinks.  No soft drinks at all.  Just milk, orange juice and water.  And beer, bourbon and tequila.

Okay, I agree with what you’re thinking.  I’ll throw the alcohol in there too. 

So, there you go.  For lent this year I will be giving up all junk food, soft drinks and alcohol.  

I’m calling it “Junkless 4 Jesus II:  Electric Boogaloo” 

As a part of the agreement that Jesus and I have hammered out …. What?  Oh yeah, Jesus is totally open to negotiating these things.   Of course, it helped that I discussed this with him while he was a bit distracted watching the upcoming movie “Chloe.  That’s the one which Amanda Seyfried gets all kinds of naked in.


He totally illegally downloaded that movie and watched on his laptop.  I don’t even know how he found it since it doesn’t come out for a few months, but, lets just say he has ways of finding these things.

Anyway, what was I talking about.  Right.  My lent agreement with Jesus is basically the same as last year.  While the official rules of lent allow for people to cheat on Sundays, or at least some people have those rules, I’ll do my best not to play that way.  However, I will once again be exempt on my birthday.  Again, if Jesus didn’t want to exempt me from lent on my birthday, he wouldn’t have arranged for me to be born during lent.  Jesus also agreed that anything that I fix for dinner, like maybe a cheeseburger or grilled ham and cheese, won’t be considered junk food.  Only if I go and get it at the drive through.  That’s totally fair too and really cool of Jesus to agree to that.  Which I totally expected cause you know, Jesus isn’t an asshole or anything like that.

Okay, so there it is.  Lent is set.  It’s not going to be easy.  I’ll be the sober one at the Twitter parties and I guess I’ll have to be the sober one when Annie and Burl host their annual drunk party on March, 13th.  But, I think there has to be some sacrifice, right?

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.