First a conversation with mom…
While we were watching Jeopardy, a commercial came on for the Missouri Lottery. The spokesman was saying that they have scratch off games from $1 to $20 dollars. And he says that the twenty dollar game winner can win $200,000 a year for life! (He doesn’t mention that the state immediately puts out a hit on any winner.)
Mom: “If I ever spend $20 on a scratch off game, just go head and make reservations for me at Shady Pines Rest Home.”
Me: “I’m not worried. You won’t even play dollar slot machines in Vegas. It’s nickels and quarters only for you!”
--
Okay, so now I’ve seen it all. I was in Walmart, cause I love going to Walmart, and there was this chick walking in just ahead of me wearing a very tight white tank top (wife beater) and cut-offs. I noticed her because she had a really awesome body.
Anyway, I walked in and went over to get my razors and some sinus/allergy stuff and then headed across the building to the grocery side. As I was walking along, I noticed miss white tank top chick in the women’s clothing section. And what was she doing?
She was trying on shirts. Over her white tank top. In front of a mirror right in front of everybody. And, the shirts she liked she would put back on the hanger and hang on the wall. The ones she didn’t like? She just tossed them onto a pile on the floor.
I mean, I guess I give her credit. She was dressed and didn’t take her tank top off to try on those shirts in front of everybody. Although that would been pretty damn awesome.
So, I guess I’ll add that to my list. I’ve never seen anyone trying on clothes in a store without going into the dressing/fitting rooms. Maybe this is a new trend just like the bikini tops and cut-offs trend this summer that I enjoyed so much? We can only hope so.
--
If you watch Food Network for longer than about seventeen second you have probably seen the promos for latest Next Food Network Star Aarti Sequeria’s new show “Aarti’s Party.”
I noticed that at first they were spelling “Party” as “Paarti” and then “Paarty” and then finally just said to hell with it and decided to spell “party” correctly. Even though I normally really hate it when anyone changes the spelling of a word to make it cute or whatever, in this case I was a little disappointed that they changed it back to the correct spelling. Mainly because I now doubt there’s any chance that in her first episode she’s going to be deep-frying some potatoes and start singing “It’s my party and I’ll fry if I want to, fry if I want to…”
--
Don’t forget, this Sunday at 11 AM Easter is “Yom Kippur Me Another One” on “I’m With Stupid” with me and Matt-Man. We’re opening the phone lines and giving everyone the chance to call in and atone for your sins. I hope you guys have some good ones. Make them up if you need to. And, don’t forget, if you can’t be there to catch us live, you can listen anytime you want in archives or just download the show.
Showing posts with label Conversations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conversations. Show all posts
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Some Observations On My 4.5 Year Bloggiversary...
First, a quick conversation I had with the check out chick at Walmart:
Her: Do you want this Kit-Kat bar kept out?
Me: No, just toss it in the bag.
Her: Are you sure? It’s so hot that it will probably melt in your car.
Me: Just toss it in the same bag with the milk and frozen veggies. That’ll keep it cold.
Her: You are so smart!! I’m going to have to remember that. That’s such a good idea!
Me: I’m glad I could help.
--
So, this last Saturday was my 4 ½ year blogiversary. This blog started on Jan 12, 2006. Seems like only yesterday. Anyway, I thought I would celebrate my 4 ½ year blogiversary by listing 20 observations about blogging.
1. People are very sensitive about things that they like. If I don’t like what they like, they tend to get defensive.
2. Boobies are popular. Especially Giada de Laurentiis’ boobies.
3. People love to give others advice on how to blog and/or twitter.
4. There are lots and lots of really creative and funny as hell people out there.
5. But, Trolls are sad and pathetic people.
6. There is no observation #6.
7. Strippers that I’ve met in real life are way more friendly than strippers I’ve met on blog and Twitter. I understand that they have to be careful because of all the creeps and Judgey McJudgersons out there. But, they should know how much I love them and be my friend.
8. 90% of bloggers are super awesome people. Even the mommy bloggers.
9. If I write a blog post celebrating “curvy” women I’ll get tons of love.
10. If I write a blog post celebrating “petite” women I’ll get lots of grief and even an email telling me that finding petite women (especially Asian women) attractive means I’m basically a pedophile.
11. So that 10% can be kind of annoying.
12. Sometimes commenting is more fun than writing the posts.
13. It’s amazing how open people can be when they write about their lives and their, um, activities.
14. It’s almost impossible to stay anonymous in the bloggerhood.
15. I don’t really get the blogs written from the point of view of the family pet thing.
16. Man there are some really damn hot blogging babes out there.
17. More than 90% of my hits are coming only from the US and Canada. I’m finding it much harder to make connections with people outside of the US and Canada than when I first started blogging. I don’t know why.
18. People love lists.
19. Sarcasm is something that is either hard to convey through blogs or some people aren’t very good at picking it up.
20. I continue to be amazed at people who can produce quality blogs every single day.
Her: Do you want this Kit-Kat bar kept out?
Me: No, just toss it in the bag.
Her: Are you sure? It’s so hot that it will probably melt in your car.
Me: Just toss it in the same bag with the milk and frozen veggies. That’ll keep it cold.
Her: You are so smart!! I’m going to have to remember that. That’s such a good idea!
Me: I’m glad I could help.
--
So, this last Saturday was my 4 ½ year blogiversary. This blog started on Jan 12, 2006. Seems like only yesterday. Anyway, I thought I would celebrate my 4 ½ year blogiversary by listing 20 observations about blogging.
1. People are very sensitive about things that they like. If I don’t like what they like, they tend to get defensive.
2. Boobies are popular. Especially Giada de Laurentiis’ boobies.
3. People love to give others advice on how to blog and/or twitter.
4. There are lots and lots of really creative and funny as hell people out there.
5. But, Trolls are sad and pathetic people.
6. There is no observation #6.
7. Strippers that I’ve met in real life are way more friendly than strippers I’ve met on blog and Twitter. I understand that they have to be careful because of all the creeps and Judgey McJudgersons out there. But, they should know how much I love them and be my friend.
8. 90% of bloggers are super awesome people. Even the mommy bloggers.
9. If I write a blog post celebrating “curvy” women I’ll get tons of love.
10. If I write a blog post celebrating “petite” women I’ll get lots of grief and even an email telling me that finding petite women (especially Asian women) attractive means I’m basically a pedophile.
11. So that 10% can be kind of annoying.
12. Sometimes commenting is more fun than writing the posts.
13. It’s amazing how open people can be when they write about their lives and their, um, activities.
14. It’s almost impossible to stay anonymous in the bloggerhood.
15. I don’t really get the blogs written from the point of view of the family pet thing.
16. Man there are some really damn hot blogging babes out there.
17. More than 90% of my hits are coming only from the US and Canada. I’m finding it much harder to make connections with people outside of the US and Canada than when I first started blogging. I don’t know why.
18. People love lists.
19. Sarcasm is something that is either hard to convey through blogs or some people aren’t very good at picking it up.
20. I continue to be amazed at people who can produce quality blogs every single day.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Some Conversations From This Past Week...
Mom: "The season finale of 'NCIS' is this week."
Me: "Oh? I thought maybe it was next week. Wasn't sure."
Mom: "Nope, it's this week. Part 2 of a two parter. Probably going to have some kind of cliffhanger. Like wondering all summer if someone is dead."
Me: "Will it be Gibbs or DiNozzo?"
Mom: "Probably Gibbs"
Me: "Haven't they done that already?"
Mom: "Couple of times. It's a dangerous job."
Wednesday:
I was sitting in a stall in the men's restroom at the mall, minding my own business when two dudes came in and walked up the urinals...
Dude 1: I knew we were going to have to go to Branson to find a job for the summer.
Dude 2: This is ridiculous though.
Dude 1: I hate this fucking town.
Dude 2: So where do you want to apply.
Dude 1: Well name of restaurant redacted for legal reasons is the best place to work up there.
Dude 2: But, you have to give that owner a blow job to get the job though.
Dude 1: It might be worth it though.
Dude 2: You wouldn't suck some dude's dick for a job, would you?
Dude 2: For what they pay? And you get free meals for every shift you work. Damn good food too.
Dude 1: But you would be sucking another guy's dick.
Dude 2: You're right.
Dude 1: Thank God. I was getting worried.
Dude 2: Besides, as soon as I was hired everyone would know that I did it.
Dude 1: My point exactly. You gotta keep things like that quiet.
See .. This is one tough economy folks. Guys looking for summer employment are talking openly about being willing to give blow jobs to get hired.
Of course, those two guys went to the bathroom together and stood next to each other at the urinals, so giving blow jobs for employment might not be that much of leap for them.
Email:
The last few days I’ve been part of this long email thread in which a couple of people have been trying to convince me to play one of those Zoo games on Facebook. I don’t even know the name of it. I’ve been resisting. Anyway, I’m not going to reprint the entire conversation here. Just the very last one…
“Trailer park...humph. At least my cheetah is not doing inappropriate things to my hippo!”
Me: "Oh? I thought maybe it was next week. Wasn't sure."
Mom: "Nope, it's this week. Part 2 of a two parter. Probably going to have some kind of cliffhanger. Like wondering all summer if someone is dead."
Me: "Will it be Gibbs or DiNozzo?"
Mom: "Probably Gibbs"
Me: "Haven't they done that already?"
Mom: "Couple of times. It's a dangerous job."
Wednesday:
I was sitting in a stall in the men's restroom at the mall, minding my own business when two dudes came in and walked up the urinals...
Dude 1: I knew we were going to have to go to Branson to find a job for the summer.
Dude 2: This is ridiculous though.
Dude 1: I hate this fucking town.
Dude 2: So where do you want to apply.
Dude 1: Well name of restaurant redacted for legal reasons is the best place to work up there.
Dude 2: But, you have to give that owner a blow job to get the job though.
Dude 1: It might be worth it though.
Dude 2: You wouldn't suck some dude's dick for a job, would you?
Dude 2: For what they pay? And you get free meals for every shift you work. Damn good food too.
Dude 1: But you would be sucking another guy's dick.
Dude 2: You're right.
Dude 1: Thank God. I was getting worried.
Dude 2: Besides, as soon as I was hired everyone would know that I did it.
Dude 1: My point exactly. You gotta keep things like that quiet.
See .. This is one tough economy folks. Guys looking for summer employment are talking openly about being willing to give blow jobs to get hired.
Of course, those two guys went to the bathroom together and stood next to each other at the urinals, so giving blow jobs for employment might not be that much of leap for them.
Email:
The last few days I’ve been part of this long email thread in which a couple of people have been trying to convince me to play one of those Zoo games on Facebook. I don’t even know the name of it. I’ve been resisting. Anyway, I’m not going to reprint the entire conversation here. Just the very last one…
“Trailer park...humph. At least my cheetah is not doing inappropriate things to my hippo!”
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I Get Phone Calls ...
First of all Happy Birthday to …… Dana! Dana’s birthday is Saturday, so everyone go and wish her a happy happy birthday.
Okay, I think I’ve blogged about my mother’s very good friend M.E. before. And I think I’ve mentioned that she’s down right insane. I thought for a while that maybe she was just suffering from a little early onset dementia. But now I’m just pretty sure she’s batshit crazy.
I walk into mom’s apartment this afternoon and she is on the phone. She says “Hey, Jay is here, maybe he can tell you what that is.” Then she hands the phone to me without telling me who she is talking to.
Jay: “Who?”
Mom: “M.E.” *with a shit-eating grin on her face*
Jay: *whispering* Noooooooooooooooooo!
*deep breath*
Jay: HOLA!
M.E: Jay … I think there might be an extra terrestrial hovering over my house or maybe my house has been invaded by them or something.
Jay: LOL Wut?
M.E: Every once in a while, something happens and I suddenly hear this garbled message from my answering machine. But, the phone hasn’t rung or anything. And it’s not a message from some who has called. I just suddenly hear this voice. THEN all the digital clocks in my house start blinking 12 o’clock.
Jay: Umm …. Okay.
M.E: So I wonder if this could be some kind of extra terrestrial or something.
Jay: No, I don’t think that’s likely. I’m thinking your getting an occasional and very minor electrical surge of some kind. Not enough to make the lights flash, but enough to knock out your digital clocks on the coffee maker and microwave and stuff and reset your answering machine.
M.E: Do you think so? Cause it does this to all my digital clocks.
Jay: Yup
M.E: Like my coffee maker and microwave and vcr and other stuff.
Jay: Right
M.E: You don’t think it’s something else?
Jay: No, I don’t think so.
Jay: *looks at mom and shrugs shoulders and shakes head*
Mom: *smiling from ear to ear* yells: Tell him about the porn line!
Jay: Flips mom off thinking we’re heading for another one of those loooooong drawn out discussions about whatever silly thing M.E. has dreamed up this time.
*A little back story here. M.E. had this pay as you go cell phone that she never couldfigure out how to turn on get to work properly so she tried to send it back to Nokia who made it and then was told to send all complaints to AT&T.
M.E: You know what happened when I called the 1-888 number to get Nokia to fix my phone?
Jay: No
M.E: It was a damn porn line.
Jay: No way!
M.E: Yes, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was straight up porn!
Jay: Oh bummer. Lesbian porn is better than straight porn.
Jay: That’s unbelievable.
M.E: I know! I called it FOUR TIMES to make sure I didn’t misdial the number.
Jay: *trying to hold it all in now* Called 4 times?
Mom: *laughing hysterically*
Jay: *goes into another room but loses it*
Jay: That’s just crazy.
M.E: I was just so appalled. Putting a porn line number on there like that.
Jay: *tears flowing and laughing uncontrollably*
M.E: So you know what I did?
Jay: What?
M.E: When I called Nokia I told them about that number. I told that girl I talked to call that number and listen to that outrage!
Jay: Did she do it?
M.E: She was a Chinese girl* She told me she would put me on hold and call that number
Jay: A bunny?!? Giggity!
M.E: And you know what?
Jay: What? *still laughing and still refusing to look at mom cause she’ll just make me laugh even harder*
M.E: She never came back on the line. She just cut me off.
Jay: No way!
M.E: Yes. She just cut me off and didn’t come back on the line.
*long pause*
Jay: I’ll be honest with ya. That’s pretty damn funny.
M.E: Well I gave your mother number in case you guys want to hear it too and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Jay: You gave mom a number to a porn line?
Jay: *looks at mom*
Mom: *points to 1-888 number on note pad while laughing hysterically again*
M.E: Yup. You guys can call it and see what I’m talking about here.
Jay: Oh, uh .. okay.
M.E: Anyway, so you don’t think I have extra terrestrials hovering over my house?
Jay: Probably not. But, I can make a tin foil hat for you if you want.
M.E: Well, it’s probably just some fluky electrical thing.
Jay: Yeah, probably so.
Anyway that was pretty much the end of that phone call. After hanging up and collapsing into a chair laughing for a few minutes…
Mom: I called that number
Jay: Really? Was it porn?
Mom: It was Nokia customer service. How much you wanna bet she called the wrong number 4 times.
Jay: How much you wanna bet she called the wrong number and then hit “redial” 3 times?
A few minutes later:
Jay: How much you wanna bet that when that woman at Nokia put M.E. on hold and called the number M.E. gave her, the phone in the cubicle next to her rang? That’s why she just hung up on M.E. Then she went to break and told the others “Let me tell you about the loony woman who called me today!”
*You’re probably wondering how M.E. knew the customer service girl was “Chinese?” She didn’t. In M.E’s world people are white, black, Mexican and Chinese and that’s it.
Okay, I think I’ve blogged about my mother’s very good friend M.E. before. And I think I’ve mentioned that she’s down right insane. I thought for a while that maybe she was just suffering from a little early onset dementia. But now I’m just pretty sure she’s batshit crazy.
I walk into mom’s apartment this afternoon and she is on the phone. She says “Hey, Jay is here, maybe he can tell you what that is.” Then she hands the phone to me without telling me who she is talking to.
Jay: “Who?”
Mom: “M.E.” *with a shit-eating grin on her face*
Jay: *whispering* Noooooooooooooooooo!
*deep breath*
Jay: HOLA!
M.E: Jay … I think there might be an extra terrestrial hovering over my house or maybe my house has been invaded by them or something.
Jay: LOL Wut?
M.E: Every once in a while, something happens and I suddenly hear this garbled message from my answering machine. But, the phone hasn’t rung or anything. And it’s not a message from some who has called. I just suddenly hear this voice. THEN all the digital clocks in my house start blinking 12 o’clock.
Jay: Umm …. Okay.
M.E: So I wonder if this could be some kind of extra terrestrial or something.
Jay: No, I don’t think that’s likely. I’m thinking your getting an occasional and very minor electrical surge of some kind. Not enough to make the lights flash, but enough to knock out your digital clocks on the coffee maker and microwave and stuff and reset your answering machine.
M.E: Do you think so? Cause it does this to all my digital clocks.
Jay: Yup
M.E: Like my coffee maker and microwave and vcr and other stuff.
Jay: Right
M.E: You don’t think it’s something else?
Jay: No, I don’t think so.
Jay: *looks at mom and shrugs shoulders and shakes head*
Mom: *smiling from ear to ear* yells: Tell him about the porn line!
Jay: Flips mom off thinking we’re heading for another one of those loooooong drawn out discussions about whatever silly thing M.E. has dreamed up this time.
*A little back story here. M.E. had this pay as you go cell phone that she never could
M.E: You know what happened when I called the 1-888 number to get Nokia to fix my phone?
Jay: No
M.E: It was a damn porn line.
Jay: No way!
M.E: Yes, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was straight up porn!
Jay: That’s unbelievable.
M.E: I know! I called it FOUR TIMES to make sure I didn’t misdial the number.
Jay: *trying to hold it all in now* Called 4 times?
Mom: *laughing hysterically*
Jay: *goes into another room but loses it*
Jay: That’s just crazy.
M.E: I was just so appalled. Putting a porn line number on there like that.
Jay: *tears flowing and laughing uncontrollably*
M.E: So you know what I did?
Jay: What?
M.E: When I called Nokia I told them about that number. I told that girl I talked to call that number and listen to that outrage!
Jay: Did she do it?
M.E: She was a Chinese girl* She told me she would put me on hold and call that number
M.E: And you know what?
Jay: What? *still laughing and still refusing to look at mom cause she’ll just make me laugh even harder*
M.E: She never came back on the line. She just cut me off.
Jay: No way!
M.E: Yes. She just cut me off and didn’t come back on the line.
*long pause*
Jay: I’ll be honest with ya. That’s pretty damn funny.
M.E: Well I gave your mother number in case you guys want to hear it too and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Jay: You gave mom a number to a porn line?
Jay: *looks at mom*
Mom: *points to 1-888 number on note pad while laughing hysterically again*
M.E: Yup. You guys can call it and see what I’m talking about here.
Jay: Oh, uh .. okay.
M.E: Anyway, so you don’t think I have extra terrestrials hovering over my house?
Jay: Probably not. But, I can make a tin foil hat for you if you want.
M.E: Well, it’s probably just some fluky electrical thing.
Jay: Yeah, probably so.
Anyway that was pretty much the end of that phone call. After hanging up and collapsing into a chair laughing for a few minutes…
Mom: I called that number
Jay: Really? Was it porn?
Mom: It was Nokia customer service. How much you wanna bet she called the wrong number 4 times.
Jay: How much you wanna bet she called the wrong number and then hit “redial” 3 times?
A few minutes later:
Jay: How much you wanna bet that when that woman at Nokia put M.E. on hold and called the number M.E. gave her, the phone in the cubicle next to her rang? That’s why she just hung up on M.E. Then she went to break and told the others “Let me tell you about the loony woman who called me today!”
*You’re probably wondering how M.E. knew the customer service girl was “Chinese?” She didn’t. In M.E’s world people are white, black, Mexican and Chinese and that’s it.
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