SERVE AS A WAY OF LIFE ON LIBERTY
Sandor Marai
Divorce in Buda (fragment )
" Picture a person you love is seriously ill ... and the only way to cure it is to do an autopsy while they are alive, open, analyze and experiment with living matter, because then maybe find the way to save her ... I would like to cure Anna. She knows now. There is something in between that prevents it is totally me. Your body is docile, his soul is ready for anything, and yet, refuses to surrender his deepest secret, the only private property, the most important to her, a memory, a wish, something I do not know. What does this trifle compared to the infinity of life whole? Nature works with enormous waste: only in the human brain there are six hundred billion cells. What matters, therefore, a hidden feeling, an emotion unconscious? Sometimes I think it does not matter much. And some think that everything depends on it. Of course, you can not live with this constant tension. I try to serve others, which for me is the only meaning of life. I have to work, regardless. I do an autopsy on myself. No mercy. I lie on the operating table and examine all my feelings and memories in the hope that the blame is also mine, that I was mistaken, that has not loved Anna, who has not loved enough, that was not clever enough or clever ... because we may need too cunning for love. "
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