nothings gonna change my world.

Wow we haven't updated in a looong time. Well a lot of things has been happening in my life since the last update. One important event is the birth of my baby sister, Sophie Soo Yun Kim--born on July 7, 2008 at 5:15am. I am sorry to not have pictures up because it is on my cousin's camera who has still not uploaded them ;(. The last couple days with this newborn has been crazy. The crazy thing is our seventeen year old difference. But I am not worried about us not being close. Our family is always close. But she is so cute but I realize, babies scare me. Whenever she cries, I am scared to DEATH that I would not be able to get her to stop and sometimes she is so fragile. But she is an angel and I love her to death and she is happy addition and now my family is very happy and in a very good mood (especially my father). Our life has not totally changed 180 because of her, but it has slightly changed. Wow I have forgotten what it is like to raise a baby. The toddler years are the worst. When my sister Tiffany (now she is nine) was 4 or 5, she was a holy terror. I pretty much raised her then because both my parents were working and she would spread peanut butter and ketchup everywhere the moment I would go away from the room. She is still a bit of a terror, but at least she can take care of herself now.

So while my mom and dad were at the hospital, my sister and I were up all night and I finally got to watch Across the Universe. It has sitting in my computer files forever!!! Well it is one of my favorite musicals but as a movie, it wasn't great. The beginning was confusing with the not smooth transitioning of introducing characters. Pretty much bad transitioning for most of the movies and it got pretty trippy/hippie sometimes. But the thing that saved it was the music. ALL THE SONGS WERE FREAKING AMAZING and beautiful. Jim Sturgess is an AMAZING SINGER (and that girl...whose name i cannot remember). And their love was beautiful. I love the ending.

So I finally got my AP scores. Whoot. I actually go it the day Sophie was born. Haha very...joyous. Hanh called me at the hospital and I checked it the minute I went home. Well I just ripped it open and saw the scores 4,2,5,4. One 4 was from last year's ap world history. But I got us history - 4, chemistry - 2, english lit & comp - 5. It was freaking amazing and sad. I am sad about chemistry but I deserve the score. I was not smart enough in chemistry. I can only balance so much ap classes in my life. I am not a megagenius but I AM EFFIN PROUD OF THOSE OTHER TWO SCORES ESPECIALLY THAT FIIIIIIVEEEE! I thank my wonderful teacher for making me WANT to be a good writer, for making me WANT to improve, and for HELPING me grow and I thank myself for actually doing good in english this year and actually getting an A (one of the only two A's for that year in english ap). I don't know how I did and why I got it and I wish collegeboard gave DETAILED score results but DAMN, I am freaking amazed at myself. I deserved my scores through and through. I have never studied so hard for so long, not even last year.

So today, I had a very nice day. "The group" --adrienne, jerri, tiffany, kingston-- came over to my house and we went swimming and then went to park to play night tag/hideandseek with my cousins and sister. It was a lot of fun actually especially when it is dark at night and you can only see figures instead of faces. But mannn, it was a lot of running since we declared a "free for all" so the whole park was open for hiding. And in the process of hide and seek, Tiffany managed to break a pipe and water gushed on the walkway and grass and we got scared but also make a youtube video to tell the story and went home so we would not get caught. I hope it is still not running, then the whole grass area and neighborhood would get floooded, OOOPS.

Afterwards, my aunt really wanted to go to Red Berry (my workplace) because she was craving frozen yogurt. I took her and my cousins there the day before and she loved it. So we had to get yogurt for my two aunts and little cousins and the total came out to be 48 bucks!!! That is a lot of yogurt. But it was good. I got to my work even when I AM NOT WORKING.

It is always to take pictures, to remember days like these. We take pictures at the park too much. I love the TOOOP picture!!! I think it is so cute.

.christina.

je ne suis pas mademoiselle stresseé

because kristina is mademoiselle stresseé!

it's funny that we still have homework!!! well, actually it's not, but it just feels weird. today were the seniors last day at school, and i feel a little sad although i did not know too many of them that well. but its so odd. everything is winding down, and yet i just don't how to feel. to be honest, i just feel blah everyday.

i think i'm gonna have a very bad grade in pre-calculus this semester... and i'm not ashamed to tell everyone about it! because really, i deserve that grade, whatever it is that i'm going to get, and i'm going to welcome it (even if it is an F. OMFG, yes i know. the worst grade i've ever gotten in my life--the worst grade anyone can ever possibly get in their lives. but anyways,) i've realized that math is simply a weakness of mines, and i'm not afraid to just admit it to the world. yes, i am lazy and did not really try to improve my math skills at all. well actually i did, but i know i didn't try hard enough, because if i did i could've. and yet, for some reason i'm still not ashamed! i'm not ashamed... because i know i have other great aspects to me that other people don't have. and i know i've done great things this semester that i'm sure a lot of other people can't do as well as i can do, or simply can't even do at all.

for example: ------------------------
MY JUNIOR PROJECT! oh my god. that is the biggest accomplishment i've made this year, and i'm so freaking proud of myself. it didnt really seem that hard anymore by the end of it all... but the process was so tedious. and i've gotta say, i think i did a pretty damn good job. actually i've always done a good job in cosgrove's literature class (besides that one time i slacked on my data sheet for my junior project and got a C in his class-- which was lame because that assignment was the only thing in our grade). Like at the beginning of the year, when we had our "All the Pretty Horses" essay; i got an A on it!! and few people got the 94% i did :)

I also improved in AP PHYSICS!!! I'm confident i'm going to get a B in that class this semester. and i'm also confident that i did a good job presenting my science project this past wednesday! not to mention i'm thinking i did alright on that ap test... although i'm not going to say i'm confident i passed it :| so maybe i didn't do alright, but that's alright!

I ALSO SCORED OKAY ON MY SATs! yeah, basically. it's obviously not the best score ever, but i scored in the average area for UC DAVIS' incoming freshmens :D (as the statistics on collegboard states). so i guess i did pretty good for taking it for the first time.
------------------------

okay. so basically my point is: i'm only going to concentrate on the positive aspects of my life. i think it's great if you are a well-rounded person, and are good at everything. but i think it's even greater if you're able to focus yourself in on the things that you are really good at and you do enjoy doing. that way you won't only be good in those areas, but you can be super amazing in them. and that way you can stay committed to them and be passionate about them, so you will be able to make a great contribution to this wonderful, wonderful world!!

well anyways,
here's a little update on my life!

our yearbooks this year.

i found these cool mountain dew bottles in fresno last weekend.

garu died. and came back alive with a new type of flower. the other ten flowers dried away because i neglected to water them :| i still dont know what kind of plant he is.

my siblings are so odd, but they've been rooming with me everynight. since i'm a scaredy-cat! my grandpa scares me with his scary stories...

my little baby cousin is so cute. he loved the chickens. unfortunately we ate them. yes, we're beasts and asian. it's only a fact.

more fantabulous photos from fresno this weekend, of my cousins. i developed them in photography, for my photography sequence. (this is not the whole sequence)

- mademoiselle PACHIA

life is sweet again.

I AM DONNNNEEEEE!!!!!
THE STRESS IS OVER.

Today was my last and final AP of junior year. I am very ecstatic. No more cramming, no more stress, no more sleepless nights. I am done. I took AP US History last Thursday, AP Chemistry yesterday (tuesday) and AP Lang and Composition today. I seriously believed AP Lang and Comp would be the hardest even though I am very good at English. Everyone was scared of what the prompts would be and if we would be able to write all three essays in 2 hours and 15 minutes. But I did it, I accomplished it. I honestly believed I passed all my tests (but if I just screwed myself by saying that, I will probably cry when I get that 2). I was actually pretty on it this year. I focused and studied (though I could have studied more for ap chem) so I think I will get the score I deserve. But I really don't see why colleges weigh APs more because AP tests are DEFINETLY harder fo'sho. I mean I've written a total of SIX ESSAYS in a FOUR HOUR TIME CONSTRAINT practically. APUSH was three essays in an hour and fifty-five minutes and AP LANG&COMP was three essays in two hours and fifteen minutes. For SATs, it is only one essay in 25 minutes and those SAT prompts are a piece of CRAP. YES A PIECE OF CRAP. Why the FUCK would I want to write an essay on abstract concepts like "courage" and "winning". Forget that crap.

Well Tuesday, after my AP Chemistry test, I seriously felt like my brain had melted away. The multiple choice wasn't bad but when I saw the first free response, I got depressed. I felt like giving up already but I did my best to do what I could. But lets just say I left quite a few blank. I was pretty depressed afterwards but Kingston and Angelo assured me I passed because they did just as bad as I did last year and still passed. But yeah I felt like serious crap afterwards. I was tired, did not want to learn and I was falling asleep. But today after my AP Lang test, I felt happy. BECAUSE IT WAS OVER!! I was really tired by the third essay though. I wrote pretty crappy because one, it was a crap prompt, and two, I just wanted to be done. I just wanted to be done with the whole thing so I just rushed and wrote whatever to get through it. But I think I did pretty damn well on my other essays that I can live if I get a five on that last opinion essay.

After the ap test today I went home early. My dad picked me and I just watched mindless tv for a couple hours. Then Min came over to swim. We swam for quite awhile, then Tiffany came over. We decided to go celebrate and go to El Super Taco. We shared Min's veggie burrito and nachos. It was good and I was full. Then I got a job application at the new Red Berry that just opened near our Safeway. Then we drove to this cool park and was climbing on these rocks and rope prism. Then went back to my house to swim some more. Tiffany had to leave at 6 but Min and I kept swimming till like 7. It was nice.

Three more weeks, and it is summer. I am pretty much done with summer. I don't care about anything else because my aps are over. Life is sweet.

Summer here I COME!!!!

--christina.

just do it.

Follow her words, just do it sometimes.

Though you can judge me from my blogs, where I rant about my pathetic nerdy life and the crap about the world, I do have fun. YES FUN!!! In person, I am kind of a crazy, loud person. Actually most of my friends are crazy, loud PEOPLE. Most of them. And I am kind of known to be cocky (in nerd ways though, im hellla ugly so i dont need to be proud about my loooks) and have that reputation as a crazy fun dancer? Like at senior ball, I pretty much danced with anyone and everyone. Though too bad, no one ever looks out for poor little me and I usually get caught. Yeah but actually I am not really one of those people afraid to not volunteer. At first I wont, but if no one does, I will go out and freaking answer the question in class or volunteer to be some dummy for the example for the teacher, it is okay I can make a fool out of myself. I really don't like it when people just get too scared for "being themselves" or just restrain themselves to protect themselves from the opinions of others. Just have a little confidence and just do it.

Anyways, here is my debrief on the AP US test. THANK GOODNESS IT IS OVER. One ap test down, two more to go. So I spent Tuesday and Wednesday with my study group at my house. On Wednesday we had an hour and half in Garcia's class after class to go over minimal things about the test and history and then we were at my house from like 5:30-7? We just went over anything we didn't know and took a practice test in our prep books. It was a good session, I felt good afterwards. That night, I kept waking up like every four hours. It was crazy. But I woke up early, crammed... a little I just looked up my Amendments as I was eating breakfast. I went to school, visited Garcia's class for his last words of wisdom (he had none) and went to take my test. The multiple choice was not that bad. I skipped 9 total. Though I was really tempted to guess but I knew I had to skip them. I skipped mostly ones to do with social people, books, etc. But I am confident on MC. BUT FR...I don't know. THE DBQ WAS SUPER EASY but I took too much time writing it because I knew soo much information on it. So I had to stop halfway and start my other two. I had like 25 minutes left to finish the DBQ and the conclusion of the last essay. So I wrote half an essay in like less than 15 minutes. I had two minutes to spare and I could barely look at my essays. I was so DONE! I am not confident on essays unlike last year where I was really confident on AP World History, but I am for SURE I passed with a 3. But I really want a four. I will be really disappointed if I don't get a four or five. I really would.

But yeah this weekend is like total nerdass weekend. I have study session for AP chem on saturday at SCHOOl then ap english at maggie's house. Freaking insane in the membrane. After WEDNESDAY, can you say PAAAARTAAAAY? I need some yog-yog to cheer me up.

---christina.

bracelets, and tests, and clothes, OH MY!

aujourd'hui est cino de mayo!!!

i've been obsessed with making friendship bracelets these last few days. i've seen a few people at school making them since last year, but suddenly its everywhere! everyone's making them! and i've been sucked in too. ahhh, it's such a horrible time to be bumming around and spending useful time threading away at bracelets!!! :| but i do it anyway. myyy goodness.

i'm studying for my ap physics test of course, but i've decided that if i don't pass them, then that's just the way its going to be. and so, i'm going to place more concentration on my junior project... even though my ap test was $84! *s0bs*

today tommy gave me these fake rayban sunglasses he got for free from zumiez, when he went to turn in his job application. they were really cute :) although one side of the lens were scratched a little. but that's okay, because i love it anyways. after getting my eyes checked on friday by my optometrist, it turns out that i dont really need glasses afterall! (although i can get them if i want them-- he gave me a prescription) but my mom's not getting me any because they're way too expensive. oh well, one of these days i'll just go to the drug store and pick up a generic pair of cute emos in the pharmacy section. i saw these reeeaalllyyy cute yellow ones with colorful specks all over them, at rite aids last year. i wonder if they're still there...


i also forgot to mention that i FINALLY bought a polaroid!!! i got it from my wonderful, wonderful, wonderful photography teacher. he gave it to me for a buck... which i still havent paid him back for yet (i'm such a bum). but it's really nice. i got it about two weeks ago, or something like that, i just forgot to post about it. i'm sad that my photography teacher is retiring this year though! i was really looking forward to ditching class next year to visit him, like a lot of seniors this year like to do :( i'll miss that fella <3

(notice that in the pictures above, my arms are filled with friendship bracelets.)

on another note, SATs weren't that bad. i read the SAT book and really, all the advice it gave, is same stuff ck talked about in her post before me. i guess i'll sign up for SATs II then... and my ACTs. (oh my goooooddnesssss, this is soo much moneeyyyyyyy.)

i'm going to be so happy when summer is here!

except i've been neglecting my room. so i'm going to have a whole lotttaaa crap to clean up when all of this is over :| (and you havent seen my closet.)

♡ pachia

P.S. - i cannot wait to go shoppppppping! :D

SATS!!!

So today was my first time doing the SATS! Yes how exciting. After hearing all the horror stories from my peers who have taken SATs already, after watching all those crazy teen SATs movies, and after being scared for my life (not really), IT WAS NOT THAT BAD. Maybe I am just being cocky and stupid and I am probably going to get a really horrible score in like august but you know what, I think I did pretty okay. I cannot DISCUSS what exact questions that tripped me up (in case collegeboard finds me out and cancels my score -___-) but after taking my SATs, here are some tips that would help for future SATs takers.

tips on doing good on the SATS.

1. go to sleep early. seriously, it is a freaking FOUR HOUR TEST and if you are not rested, you will be falling asleep. don't talk on the phone cramming with a friend until 12 am like i did. but i wasn't that tired.
   
2. eat breakfast. hunger pains = HEADACHE. i went to mcdonalds before and ate a little meal. but yeah dont FILL yourself up too much because you don't want to think about going the bathroom while rushing through your test.
3. bring water and tissues. my room was stuffy as hell and allergies everywhere, it was sick, good thing they had tissues but if they didnt, my sleeves would be all nasty and green. yeah yuck. and yeah you might get thirsty.
   
4. dont stress too much. i was pretty chill about the whole test and a whole lot more confident and i did well because i was very relaxed. anxiety makes the test a whole lot harder.
   
5. if time is the issue, just do all the questions you know without having to ponder for more than two minutes on. mark the ones you skipped, and go back. if you DO NOT KNOW IT AT ALL (especially on the math or the vocab on the english), just dont answer it. i had at least five or less skipped on each section. you don't have to answer all the questions but doesnt mean you cant guess. if you can eliminate, go with your gut feeling.
6. for the essay, just think about your thesis for like a couple minutes and just WRITE. how the heck are they supposed to expect us to write a full length essay in 25 minutes? you dont have to be inspirational, just do like three or more paragprahs. and QUOTE people. specific outside evidence to support your argument = GOOOLD.
   
7. for the english, look at questions first and see if you can answer any and then go read the paragraph. i actually had time to read the paragraphs but i always looked at questions first.
   

You don't need to spend a million bucks on an SAT class. I just saved you a million right there.

I am very thankful for my AP Lang&Comp teacher because she hella prepared me for taking multiple choices with COMPLEX passages in a time constraint. Those multiple choices for English were nothing compared to my AP class. In AP, half the time we are trying to answer multiple for passages we dont even know what the fuck are talking about. Yeah but I effed up my essay because THEY ONLY GAVE TWO PAGES to write on. I flip and I was like WTF WHERE ARE THE OTHER PAGES. I write too much. And I had like five minutes left so I kind of gave up... But it is okay. It was my first SAT so I wasn't too worried about it. I just want to see where my weaknesses and strengths are. The math wasn't as bad as I thought. But I still skipped more math questions than English for sure. I just hope I did really good on English. The time constraint was not that bad actually. I just hated how long it was and I had super bad allergies because my room was stuffy as hell. At least I had a friend in there to chill and talk with during the breaks.

I am very relieved that SATs are over (cept the SAT IIs in june for me) so now I can go full on study for APS!!!! AUGH. That shit is what scares me the most. How the heck are they supposed to judge how well we are qualified to be in a " college class " by making us answer like 75 multiple choice in less than an hour and write three ESSAYS in TWO HOURS?!!?!

Well now to get ready for Senior ball. I hope I can party all the stress out.

--christina.

failure is not in MY DICTIONARY.

Yeah to QUOTE PACHIA:

"why does it feel like whether i fail or succeed, in the next couple of weeks, is going to define the rest of my life?! i hate that. pressure about school just does that too you."

If I can get make and SURVIVE up until MAY 14th, I CAN SUCCEED. Just gotta keep going. Gotta KEEP ROOLLLLING. I cannot lose stride. I cannot give up. I cannot get down with the spring fever and fail to lose control. But it has been happening. But I won't let it happen to me. I was keeping on top of it, but this week... was one of those weeks. I was doing homework up until WEDNESDAY. Downhill from there. But yeah I have been studying AP US History (pats self on back) and I have been trying. But you know, MAY is the worst time of the year. Everyone is tired and drowsy. Everyone is freaking sneezing and red-eyed (in sacramento) because of allergies. Everyone is WAITING for summer to come. Everyone is counting down the days.

SO EVERYONE, lets do it. Lets make it. Lets end the year with a

BANG BANG BANG!!!!

If I can do it, you can do it.

And to quote MELANIE

"I'd rather be upset that I worked hard and didn't get what I wanted than regret that I didn't put all my effort into things when I still had the time. Everything is going to pay off one day and even though we're complaining now, this is all going to be worth it."

It is going to be worth it. After AP testing, sweet days of bliss will follow. After that all my classes will be easy breezy. Anyways, why is it the worst things but the best things happen? So I was trying to convince myself that this month, I WILL BE SOCIAL HERMIT. I will turn on the "nerd" button and study study study, like I should. But last week, I was feeling emo and a loser because I was a social hermit last weekend. But when I try a social hermit, people bring back out and tempt to go out and fill up my social calendar. NO NO NO. Sadly to say, I am totally busy and driving myself crazy. Tomorrow is finally LUAWOW for our Pacific Islander's Club (though I am not a pacific islander). It will be crazy fun and a great time. I hope we give a great performance. Yeah so I have tons of homework and I will be busy ALL SATURDAY. GREAAT.. Then next weekend, SATURDAY is SATs and SENIOR BALL which I was invited to. ACK. THE AGONY. It will be nice to party after taking a five hour test, but I AM FREAKING WORRIED about my attention span next week. Knowing me I will be like PARTY PARTY PARTY from Monday to SATURDAY!!! BUT I CAN't. We have those freaking lame California Standardized testing next week also so we get three half-days (yay) but I still have to stay after school till like 2 to do AP Chemistry and AP US study groups. Great.

Once it hits JUNE, I am going to JUUUUUUMMMP FOR JOY! I hope I inspired you to try and DO BETTER.

christina.

p.s. and my birthday is next wednesday and i dont even have time to celebrate. superduper crazy seventeen. whoot. bake me a cake.

time is t i c k i n g, time is ticking

Epik High's new fifth album is out! I am super happy about it. I wish I could go and buy a copy but sad to say that I cannot support artists and I have resolved to downloading. But that is okay. I just felt like posting since I haven't posted in like.. awhile? Feels empty if me or Pachia do not update in like a week or so.

Time is ticking for the AP TESTS. I have two weekends before my first test happens. Oh joy. And also I realized how time has GONE BY SO FAST! I was thinking about blogging about it and so I guess I will. My best friend from sixth grade added me on facebook. It was a total shock and surprise. We lost contact after she went back to Hong Kong in seventh grade. I was sad because we got really close, really fast back in sixth grade. I had to transfer late to a new school. It was surprising but Joyce and I became such good friends so quick. I used to go to her house every weekend in the summer and we would swim and listen to the Hilary Duff movie soundtrack because we went to go see it with a couple other friends at my birthday party. I even went to a new middle school, that was very far from my house, just to be with her. I hadn't really thought her until recently. After talking to her on facebook for the last couple days, it opened a whole flood of memories of sixth grade and memories at middle school. When she posted some old pictures of us and friends from sixth grade and seventh grade, I WAS SO SURPRISED at how young we looked. We really did look like little kids and I remember how "grown up" we tried to act. How hilarious it is to think back at it.

THIS WAS ALMOST FIVE YEARS AGO!!!
Look at nerdy me in the glasses.

It makes me smile though. I still think I was the same person from back then, but looking at those pictures now, I see I am not. I have grown a lot. Pretty weird to see me now, seventeen in a week and half (OOOOOOOMMMMMMGGG I AMMM GOONNNA BE OLD) and look at me back then, twelve years. Wow. A big difference. I can't believe how many things have changed in the last five years. I thank Joyce for reminding me of those times and opening all those memories back again. They were good memories. I can't wait to see her again for the first time in five years in September. She is finally coming back for a visit to America. Maybe we will have a little Merryhill/Sutter reunion with our old classmates. That would be a surprise. But I doubt much about any of us has changed. We all look the same but slightly a little older, maybe a little wiser (or stupider), and just a little more happier. I am glad those horrid middle school days are over.

More PostSecrets

christina.

nooooo. my break is ending.

WHY OH WHY DOES SPRING BREAK LAST A WEEK? I am dreading the end of this weekend. Back to school and we HAVE FINALS. How horrible is that. Augh. Life is becoming sucky after such a beautiful week. I have a pile of homework to do and I am dreading to do it. I have to clean my room too. This is why I hate SUNDAYS!!!!

So I have wasted the last two days with this:

I am usually pretty late with social networks. I usually refuse to get them but I eventually give in. Whatever. Facebook is pretty okay. I just enjoy having superpoke wars. But now I am already bored with it. But I regret getting it after this break. Because I will probably end up hours on it along with myspace and soompi and not do my homework. You horrible people who make these addicting social networks and forums. YOU RUIN LIVES. Think of the grades that have lowered because of your addicting website. I think I have gotten steadily worse in school ever since I discovered the wonders of the internet back in sixth grade. All the hours I wasted not studying. Wish I could have slapped myself back then. Don't you just hate yourself when you realize how stupid you were a couple years ago and how you could have benefited yourself now if you have changed stupid habits like that. Yes I know that is confusing but you get the jist right.

Yesterday I spent an hour trying to fix the vacumn with my brother. I broke the vacumn, I don't know how but it broke. Well we were able to unscrew stuff and figure out what made it work and we fixed it. I was very happy to fix it. I felt so accomplished. Maybe I can even be an engineer. Yeah right. Well I went to Borders and I decided to buy two new books. AP PREP BOOKS. WHOOT. :(
Who the hell models for these books? I bet they have never taken an AP test in their life because YOU WOULDNT WANT TO MODEL FOR THESE BOOKS. Though I do life how culturally accurate they make these AP prep books by trying to promote diversity with covers with different ethnicities. I bet so that way those white supremist kids can say "ill buy the prep book with the white kid on the cover because it is better". Well I do thank the people who write these prep books because all the ap procastinators in the world would not be able to survive without them. Or else we would just have to read our textbooks. And that would suck. Though I can proudly say I read 95% of my AP US history textbook. And I am very proud to say I read like 96% of my AP World History textbook (except I skipped all the crappy inset pages). The AP World book was horrible and I cannot believe a college student can read it let alone a little sophmore like me last year. Sigh the things we do to get into college. I am sure there are kids out there sacrificing a limb or two for the college they want to get into. I am horrified at the college application system and all the greedy middlemen involved in the process. We have to at least pay like $60 for a freaking application even if we don't get into the college. How sucky is that. Very sucky. It is already horrible enough that our parents save since we are born for our college education, they get broke the first year we get into college. Well that is what student loans are for rightttt? Yep, the minute I get out of college and get into the workforce, I have to pay for the stupid ass degree that I worked my ass for. And for some people, they can't even get a decent job with their degree. They end up working at Verizon or for their parents' restaurants/dry cleaners (yes I know people who have ended up like this). Is this what America was made for?

So I read a book at Borders today (well I skimmed) about baby boomers and their good deeds and how so many of them are becoming philanthropists and the first page was on congratulating on the baby boomers for being alive for so damn long and for realizing that they are alive and kicking and they want to keep working. And it went on to talk about how the baby boomers were realizing all the problems in the world and they wanted to "fix them" like global warming and genocide and war in IRAQ. Well thanks baby boomers but you guys pretty much caused those freaking problems for us, generation X and Y. So it has been raining a lot in the mid-west states and why? BECAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING. Yes weird weather patterns = global warming. Well Hanh told me a couple days ago that apparently all the baby boomers are asking for their social security money NOW (because they raised the age up and the economy is getting pretty bad) and they are all getting it this year. So pretty much the social security fund is pretty dried up. Great so probably I will be working until like 90 years old if I live that long. But I mean you can't live on social security alone for retirement, that is why I see like 50 year olds working at Walmart because the cost of living is not going to covered by social security and retirement alone.

Yeah and to complain about the education system in CALIFORNIA. So the budget has been cut again by Mr. GOVERNATOR. Yes and my english ap teacher told my class she spends at least a couple $1000s on just her classes alone for PAPER and other supplies. It is pretty ridiculous. And the governor tried to pass a univeral health care proposal for California? Screw universal health care, we need to educate the people first. My school is not that poor but even we are suffering under the budget cuts. Now think about the schools who are totally below welfare zones. Those kids have no opportunity and nowadays the only way to get into a REAL college is through aps, sat scores and extracurriculars and all of those add up with MONEY. And the UCs are raising tuitions like crazy and raising the bar on the percentage of applicants. UC Davis = school that most people at my school dont want to go to because it is so close to home only accepted 5% of their applicants THIS YEAR! WTF. Everyone go apply to UC Berkley next year so I can be like the only one to apply to davis. Maybe that will give me a better chance. I hate how everyone applies to 20 colleges that they don't even care about just to see if they "get in". It is a waste of MONEY and it is unfair for the kids who apply to FIVE college because they really want those FIVE colleges. And end up getting into ZERO while those kids with their 5.6 GPAS get into ALL 20. Life is unfair. Yes it is.

And my rant about life is over. Back to thinking about doing my synthesis essay.
So where has PACHIA been? She needs to update .

--CHRISTINA

allergy season, i can feel it in the wind.

I finally ordered my boutiner (sp?). I decided cream with gold ribbon to match my dress. So no prom worries except for asking for extra money from my parents. Every time I bring up the subject of prom my mom gets very huffy and puffy. She just gets mad I am spending money but I rarely spent any money. I feel worse because I didn't spend that much money compared to my date. I feel bad just for asking money for paying for my AP tests. And I am only spending $15 because I got the reduced amount because I get free lunch. But still taking three AP tests. When my mom gave me the money she just gave me another lecture how I better do well because of the money I waste. When it comes to talk to my parents about school, it gives me a headache. It makes me want to hyperventilate. Just thinking about the stress makes it hard for me to breathe. I get very annoyed of the lectures my parents give me about my education. I know I am not numero uno in the class or even close to top ten, but I try. I have been feeling very stupid lately. I can't even get an A in Spanish 3. I feel like a loser. It is very depressing.

Anyways. So we just read Catcher in the Rye in AP English 11 and it is a pretty interesting book. I can relate to Holden to some extent but I really hated how critical he was about everyone around him. What gives him the right to call everyone "phonies" ? But I think he is a pretty interesting character. It is a hilarious read at some moments. But I think one line that stood out to me particulary at the moment I was reading was when Holden is describing this old museum he used to go to all the time when he was a kid. The museum never changed but

...the only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldnt be that, exactly. you'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or..you'd have a substitute taking the class, instead of Miss Algetinger...Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be different in some way--I can't explain what I mean. And even if I could, I'm not sure I'd feel like it.

Do I have a place like that? A place where time has stopped still and left it as it is but the only thing that has changed is me? Haha. That of course reminds me of the story of where I saw my old house with my mom and it wasn't the same. The house I had grown up for almost five years (not long but seems long) during my adolescence was gone. It was still there. But the new owners had changed it to a place that did not look like home to me. It was quite sad. Like a part of me had died. Like Holden I can't explain what it meant when I saw my house that was no longer mine. It was like I felt that though I had forgotten that house, that past, and the memories. They were still there and I excepted them to remain the same. But unlike Holden, I don't have a place that stays the same. But I do have a home. That is what Holden didn't have. I have a place to call home.

And gasoline rainbows. I kind of know what he meant. I think it is a really unique way to describe it though. Have you ever seen puddles made by gasoline from those gas pipes on the bottom of cars? Well of course because of the light and all that reflective crap, it makes rainbows in the gasoline. I remember seeing those. I remember when rainbows were actually magical. When I was fascinated by them and I wondered what luck it could bring me by seeing one. Haha I remember that day a week or so back that Sacramento had some rain, and that big rainbow came out. It was the hugest rainbow I had seen. My sister was like "wow, that was amazing". But guess what. I ruined it. I was like "yeah well rainbows are actually not magical, they are made from blah blah blah". WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. WHERE HAS MY CHILDHOOD GONE? WHERE HAS MY SENSE OF IMAGINATION GONE? I am slowly becoming a lifeless being who only breathes and lives by trying to have good grades, who looks like a perfect being on the outside, who is trying to please everyone, at the same time trying to please herself by trying to fit herself into an ideal. I am a sad child. But don't worry. I am fine. I am normal. I am still on ground. Though I can worry up a storm. There are those few moments when I know I am enjoying myself and I can enjoy that moment without worry. Only those few moments to myself is when I begin to worry. Just being by myself can be scary. Then everything rushes into my mind.


But yeah I have been pretty tired this week. I feel asleep the last two nights reading Catcher in the Rye to try and finish it before the Socratic Seminar today. Even though I went to bed considerably early at 10pm. I still felt tired. And today I sacrificed my sleeping in to take that EAP test. It was pretty easy but I need sleep. And next week I have to do AP US and AP English full length ap practice tests on the days we get to "sleep in" if we are not taking CASHEE testing but I won't be sleeping in. And AP Chem is having labs both those mornings so I have to copy labs from people. AUGH. I am dying. Cheer me up someone. :[ ...JR prom better knock my socks off and make me happy.

sorry for the long ass tired rant.

--CHRISTINA WANTS SPRING BREAK NOW!

lemme break the ice.

my horoscope for today:
Taurus -- Today is a 7 (wtf does that mean?) For the next several weeks, you'll be more involved in group endeavors. Your social calendar will be full. Warn the family; they'll have to do without you for awhile.

So I never really believe horoscopes but I usually check them when I get the newspaper. I hadn't checked mine in awhile so I looked and yes it is true. I think I am going to screw myself over because the next couple months are going to be very important.

1. taking three ap tests in may (chem, us history, ap english comp&lang); have to STUDY a lot beforehand for those
2. i am doing luau; 2 dances for luau (APRIL 26th!; four days before my bday)
3. my friend just called me to see if i want to choreography a dance for asian club charity event; and i said yes because it was so fun doing it for multicultural (may)
   
4. sats in may and june
5. jr prom in march

and hopefully that is all. my schedule is pretty packed. luau practice is at least 3 times a week. i need to come up with choreography for fan dance. i am thinking of combining clazziquai song, big bang's "last farewell" and wonder girls "tell me" for a modernized fan dance. luckily i checked the calendar and we have some half days and we have a lot of time until asian club charity event so i am thinking of doing scattered practices up until end up april and beginning of may; then it will be practice every week. i wont study for first sat (not much) and then study my ass for july one. then i have start studying for ap tests like right after jr prom and CONCENTRATE!! it is going to be a hectic life from now till like...summer. i hope i can do it without screwing my grades over. i think i can. and it will be FUN. and i will not regret not doing it.

--christina