Iberian Derby plus Japan take on the Italians

Firstly, sympathies go out to our American readers after their elimination from WC2010 yesterday. I was drinking a couple of bottles of La Choulette, the French entry to COGH during the game. I hope this didn't in any influence the course of the game... It was going to be Guinness Foreign Export.

'I never touched him ref, honest'

Match 51:

Japan 1
Miyagi 61
Italy 0

The Forza Azzurri bandwagon grinds to a halt, but we've had better taste-offs to be honest. 'There's no way the Italian beer deserves to go any further - it isn't much cop,' says James. 'Agreed,' says Dan, 'and Sapporo would walk any World's Driest Beer competition - if anyone could be bothered to hold one.' Now there's a thought... not really - but nonetheless Japan go marching on to the last eight.

Fabio Capello posting his team sheets earlier today -
apparently John Terry is 8/1 to be first England player to cry if they lose

Dave Henson

One of the cultural highlights of the World Cup for me has been the songs of Dave Henson - he of Vuvuzela Song fame. Have a listen to I'll Be Watching You and At Least We're Better Than France - both made me laugh quite a lot.

England 2006 - 2007 in two words

Match 52:
Portugal 1
Castrol 58
Spain 3

Torrid 35, 40, Biscuits 70 (pen)

A whole different encounter. By this time we're all thoroughly relaxed, but still have sufficient faculty to enjoy the sophisticated flavours in Alhambra Mezquita in all it's 7.2% glory. Slightly sweet and deeper than resentment about Gibraltar. In comparison Sagres is 'respectable holiday beer' and 'alright once in a while but nothing special'. No contest.

E+F: The ins and outs of the final group matches...

Glen Johnson trying to avoid being hit square in the Jubulanis yesterday

Group E
Match 41:
Denmark 0

Japan 2
Snackazawa 43, Mizuno 48

A double whammy does for the Danes as their disappointing COGH campaign comes to an end. The lads don't hold back in what they feel about Carlsberg. 'Bath water. Not fit to grace this fine competition,' says Dan, whilst James thinks it 'smells of feet.' Peter follows up with a cutting 'It's awful, I'm getting more off these figs I'm eating.' Sapporo by contrast as dry, clean and hundred times more drinkable.

Tim Stewart's World Cup Diary

We'd heartily recommend Tim Stewart's on-the-spot reporting from England v Slovenia on our siblog European Football Weekends.

Match 42:
Cameroon 0

Holland 2
Bruin 32, Agagoo 75 (O.G)

Two very similar games to round off the groups, except the French / Cameroonian entrant Tradition is way out of Carlsberg's league, but not in a good way. 'Worst beer we've tried, and that's saying something,' says Deaks, eager to wash his mouth out with something more pleasant. The Dutch grab their first and only goals of the tournament but strangely they are enough to give them a decent shout of the second round.

Final Group E Table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Japan	3	3	0	0	5	0	5	9
2	Holland	3	1	1	1	2	1	1	4
3	Denmark	3	1	1	1	1	2	-1	4
4	Cameroon	3	0	0	3	0	5	-5	0

COGH Analysis: In an amazing last gasp bid Holland have overtaken the Danes on goal difference, but will face the formidable Paraguayans in the next round. Japan were not troubled in the group, and will fancy themselves against Italy. The Danes can consider themselves unlucky, especially as their first choice beer was smashed in an unfortunate accident. As for the French / Cameroonian entry, they are no loss to the contest.

Whoops!

Vladimir Mijaljevic commentating for Serbia's biggest TV station RTS said of the German goalkeeping situation: “Neuer is in goal, because Enke cannot play. He is injured.” Obviously no-one told Mijaljevic that Robert Enke tragically committed suicide last year.

Group F
Match 43:
Slovakia 0

Italy 1
Columbo 39

Two evenly matched sides going head-to-head in a battle for that vital runners-up spot in the group. The Italians edge out the Slovaks by being 'a little tastier' but overall an uninspiring encounter. 'You'd not refuse a few of these, but I've had better up Ben Nevis,' says Peter. Stu is equally non-plussed. 'I don't think either of these will be going very much further in the competition to be honest.' No-one disagrees.

Thought for the Day

A player has been sent off on each of the last eight day's play - a new World Cup record. It seems that there are so many fiddly things that 'deserve' a yellow card these days, wrecking many perfectly good matches. Here's to no red cards today... what would be the odds of that? 50/1?

Impenetrable: England's route to the WC2010 final

Match 44:

Paraguay 3

New Zealand 0

'This beer would put you in Accident and Emergency if you're not careful,' says Dan. Not everyone is a fan of Palo Santo, but all have to admire how they've managed to fit 12% ABV of beer into something that doesn't taste like surgical spirit. Mac's Gold, on the other hand, is pallid, plain and out of COGH without a point or even so much as a goal.

The NZ team in celebratory mood... Obviously with beer from other countries

Final Group F Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Paraguay	3	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
2	Italy	3	2	0	1	3	3	0	6
3	Slovakia	3	1	0	2	2	4	-2	3
4	New Zealand	3	0	0	3	0	5	-5	0

COGH Analysis: Paraguay coast over the finishing line as group winners and will not fear the Dutch. The Italians were arguably fielding an understrength entry and so did well under the circumstances. As for the Slovaks and the Kiwis, both were fancied before the start of the tournament and have largely disappointed, but stood little chance against a most distinctive South American entry.

Tomorrow: Will Brazil qualify? Are Switzerland COGH's new dark horses

Japan tighten grip on Group E

'You know where you are with beer and football - til you don't'

World Cup's best tipster

The COGH research bureau has unearthed the safest bet in the WC so far - a Brit who put £110,000 on France to reach the final. Graham Sharpe of William Hill confirmed: 'A southern based telephone client has staked a bet of £55,000 each-way on France to win the World Cup at odds of 20/1 - and will make a profit of £1,650,000 if they do so - the biggest ever World Cup winnings'. Don't hold your breath - whoever you are.

Cup of Good Hop Match 25:

Holland 0

Japan 1
Godzuki (pen) 62

Sapporo has made all the running in the group, and with good cause. 'Holds its own, pleasing, light and refreshing,' was James' opinion. Oranjeboom was judged to be less of a lager and more of an annoying tune from the past, Dan said 'I have nothing to say,' and this summed up the general consensus that it was generic and quite, quite dull. These guys aren't fans of Oranjeboom either.

The contestants reclining in their mass ice bath. Note - Serbia so big it needs its own cold pack

Match 26:
Cameroon 0

Denmark 1
Arsen 21

Deaks thoughts on Carlsberg are simple 'The rank outsider - with an emphasis on rank.' But even compared to Tradition the Danish entry is the epitome of ambrosia. James considers the Tradition to be 'strange', and in two matches has managed to win precisely no fans amongst our Executive Beer Tasters. They are not likely to trouble any COGH goalkeeper unless they've had at least a dozen the night before.

Group E Table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Japan	2	2	0	0	3	0	3	6
2	Denmark	2	1	1	0	1	0	1	4
3	Holland	2	0	1	0	0	1	-1	1
4	Cameroon	2	0	0	2	0	3	-3	0

COGH Analysis: Japan dominate this low scoring group, who take on the Danes who have done better than expected up til now. The Dutch still have a fighting chance of progression, so long as they play to their strengths against the goalless and pointless Cameroonian side.

n.b. here's the tune to that Oranjeboom advert - warning, if you click on this it'll be in your head for the rest of the World Cup.

Group E - not as impressive as we'd have liked...

Group E: E's are not good...

This has been a problematical group. We had a really good micro-brewed IPA for Denmark called Mikkelle, but it got smashed and I could not get another. Then we had massive problems getting Cameroonian beer, to the point where it was the 32rd and final one we got, and even then it was French. On a brighter note, COGH has just now had visitors from 50 different countries (4,650+ hits), with El Salvador giving us this accolade. Thanks so much to our international readers, hope you're enjoying it. Oh well, here goes nothing... on with the action.

Holland

Oranjeboom, 5%
‘Pale yellow. Good foam retention for this style. Nice active carbonation. Flattens out quickly. Lots of dry grass and strong barley malts. Fortunately, there is a dry, crisp mouthfeel. I also like the taste a bit. It's not like grass, but actually more like hay. Pretty dry. Unfortunately, the metal taste consumes everything with this beer.’ Beeradvocate.com

Japan
Sapporo, 5%
‘Poured transparent golden yellow color with small head that quickly dissipated leaving almost no lacing around the glass. Mostly grains and slight hint of rice scent. Very light hops and grains, mostly very plain and simple. Light bodied with medium carbonation.’ Beeradvocate.com

Denmark
Carlsberg, 5%
‘Pale, gold color with a steady stream of bubbles. Faint hop odor combined with a hint of hops. This beer also has a metallic character. Slight bread-like flavor noted in the malts with a medium hop flavor. In all, the flavors are well balanced.’ Beeradvocate.com

Cameroon
Fischer Tradition, 6%
‘Washed out, watery tastes of nutty, faintly sweet caramel and salted bread speckled with brown sugar. Fruitiness akin to a splash of Mott's apple juice and white wine. Mild herbaceous hop character with a light, balancing bitterness. Small touch of alcohol warmth. Finishes relatively crisp with lingering tastes of bread and apple.’
Beeradvocate.com
COGH Excuse - we couldn't get Cameroonian lager anywhere, and colonialism is a tried and tested French tradition going back centuries.

Match 9:
Holland 0

Denmark 0

The first COGH washout. This could have been because by this point we were 20 beers down... Dan's notes for Holland were non-existent and we were starting to witness - and indeed be - some of the World Cup's first casualties. James also thought Oranjeboom was a sub-standard issue from the global Lagerland factory, and that Carlsberg smelled of feet. Stu and Deaks had stopped taking notes completely by this point... Nil points for all concerned. Move on - there's nothing to see here...

This is what Nuts Magazine was focusing on during our goalless draw…

Match 10:
Japan 2
Kawazaki 45, Mmmbeer (o.g.) 61

Cameroon 0

Contrasts a-plenty here. Cries of 'FOUL!' rang out from the lads after tasting the French / Cameroonian entry. Peter thought it had a solvent-like mid flavour, an aftertaste beyond horrible and was without doubt the most offensive beer so far - and we should know after this many. Sapporo, on the vastly less deformed hand, was according to James 'pleasing, light and refreshing'. No contest.

Biggest joke of the group - Tradition is a lovely beer

Next up:- The Azzurri, The All Whites and some South Americans playing in Sunderland shirts...