Two beers - 26% - well hello... + 2012 Euros preview

World Cup trophy replica made entirely of
cocaine - not to be sniffed at

Match 59:

Nigeria 4

Amataxi 2, Yobbo 34, Ohdear 61, Shittu 66

Australia 2

Chippyfeel 37, Galesalesovic (pen) 90

A tasty match here but yet again Guinness Foreign Extra piles on the goals and powers into the semis. 'I don't know how many of these you could drink in an hour, but I wouldn't mind finding out,' says Deaks, loving the sole African contender left in the competition. Coopers Sparkling Ale put in a very respectable account of itself, only to be felled by one of the giants of world beer. 'This would win the Oceanic COGH Cup by a country mile,' says James, supping down the final drops.

It's a genuine shame that Paraguay got knocked out last night...

COGH 2012 Euro Previews (part one)

Cup of Good Hop taster Stuart Fuller looks forward to what the future of fusing beer and football might hold...

With the ticker tape still floating down on Soccer City in Jo’burg, our thoughts in Europe turn to Poland and Ukraine in 2012 for what promises to be a very strong tournament judging by the European fairing in South Africa. And after the success of the inaugural Cup of Good Hop it would be rude for us not to start looking forward and trying to predict what the final sixteen beers could look like. We already know that hosts Poland and Ukraine will be well represented.

Who has not tried the delights of Polish Zyweic or even a cheeky Bosman – beer that has helped Poland become the 10th biggest beer drinkers in the World. Ukraine on the other hand is more defined. Like its women – blonde, striking in outside appearance, but essentially just after your money. Obolon and Lvivski are major brands, whilst Arsenal has its own brand too – made by Carlsberg which at least makes it more interesting than the real Arsenal.

So what can we look forward to in qualifying? Will the Swiss carry on their COGH form into the Euros? And what of the emerging nations? Well, one thing is for sure – the COGH team will be sampling them all over the course of the next two years. We’ve just to find them first. Hooligan anyone?

Group A

Germany – Weissbier

Turkey – Efes

Austria – Steigl

Belgium – Hoegaarden

Kazakhstan – Derbes (owned by Carlsberg)

Azerbaijan – Xirdalan (Castel brewery)

Group A looks like it will go with on-field form with the Germans favourite simply down to the number of excellent beers they could offer. Our tip would be the refreshing Kolsch beer from Cologne or the very dark, almost black offering from the Neckar, Schwarzbier. Austria will also fancy their chances with Salzburg’s Steigl tasting so good it makes nanny’s go all loopy and start signing Do-Reh-Me. Is there a country in the world with as many different beers as Belgium? Probably not and for that reason they will struggle. Who can really take them seriously with their chocolate or cherry offerings, or when they put a wedge of lemon in the Hoegaarden? Efes off some might say, but this is the staple drink in Bodrum and enjoyed by many before they got dysentery (personal experience talking here) and spend the rest of their holidays talking on the phone to God.

And what about the outsiders? The ex-Russian states of Kazakhstan and Azerbaijan have western influences all over them. The biggest breweries are owned by foreign giants such as Kazakhstan’s Derbes brew which is owned by Carlsberg and Xirdalan in Azerbaijan owned by Castel. Have they got a chance? Not really.

Group B

Russia – Baltika

Slovakia – Saris

Republic of Ireland – Guinness
Macedonia – Skopsko

Armenia – Hooligan (beer and vodka)

Andorra – San Miguel?

You may think that this group is a foregone conclusion with Guinness and Baltika all but confirming qualification early doors. There is no denying the quality of Ireland’s finest, nor the variations (Guinness Cold, Mild, Export to name a few) but they are all a bit samey. Russia’s Baltika is crisp, refreshing but still has that Cold War edge. But then along came the Armenian offering – Hooligan. What brilliant mind came up with the idea of mixing Vodka and Beer together, and then calling it Hooligan? Sheer genius and we make this favourite for the group. Andorra deserves nil points for not bothering to produce a beer of its own.

Group C

Italy – Peroni

Serbia – Lav Pivo (owned by Carlsberg)

Northern Ireland – Clotworthy Dobbin

Slovenia – Union

Estonia – Le Coq

Faroe Islands – Green Islands Stout

Surely a group for the underdogs? Whilst Italy would expect to win with its Peroni, the comedy names keep on coming in this group. Northern Ireland’s Whitewater brewery produces some excellent beers but the contender here could be Clotworthy Dobbin. Estonia’s Le Coq has nothing to do with the sportswear brand, but is the signature brew of the biggest brewery of the same name. Surprisingly the Faroes’ could fairo quito wello in this group and if we can lay our hands on the Green Islands Stout then it may be a match for the 2nd favourite Lav from Serbia.

Match 60:
Paraguay 1

Alcatraz 20
Switzerland 2

Tell 41, Federal 85

This was an immense encounter - the two strongest beers in the contest going head-to-head, and with a combined ABV of 26% there was going to be fireworks along the way. However, whilst Swiss giant Samichlaus had universally high ratings, Palo Santo Marron was a love-it-or-hate-it kind of feel to it. 'It is the Marmite of beers,' says Dan, 'and I bloody love it.' Is definitely one for those who like esoteric flavours, but in this match of the big, dark flavours that have put the frighteners into all their opponents thus far, there were infinitely more holes in Swiss cheese than the Samichlaus defence.

Next time:- the semi finals - France v Spain & Nigeria v Switzerland plus more 2010 previews...

Why the England Team resembles Indian food + Rest of Round of 16

Currying favour? Why the England team resembles Indian food

Unappetising - England's performance

It was the same old story – gathering with a sense of realistic anticipation to watch England play Germany yesterday. Beery laughter, combined with a genuine belief that Gerrard et al had a decent chance of defeating the old foe. After all, were they not worth twice as much on paper than the Germans in terms of market value? Did the majority of them have vast experience in the Champions League? Tick tick.

Yet within an hour the bar in Brighton was thinning out and the laughter had been replaced with angry recrimination. What went wrong? The players obviously wanted to win, but were completely outclassed. Reports that they were bored at their training camp suggest that most of them have mindsets similar to spoilt, surly ten-year olds. The manager wanted to win – not least to justify his £6million a year salary – but proved to be intransigent and tactically inept from start to finish.

To quote BBC commentator Alan Green – it’s been a mess, but what kind of mess is it and how can we rectify it? In an attempt to get our heads round the myriad problems that have beset the England team over the last month we have chosen the extended metaphor of Indian food to investigate why England failed to deliver tasty product. This was inspired by a post-pub take out from one of Brighton's finest.

David James – day-old Pilau rice

Traditional staple but essentially past his best.

Glen Johnson – puri flatbread

Generally uninspiring - failed to rise to the challenge.

Matthew Upson – pilchard curry

Looked tasty to begin with but eventually got distinct feeling there was something fishy going on.

John Terry – Rogan Josh

Exposed to intense heat before the tournament then went off the boil. Odd moments to savour.

Ashley Cole – stuffed paratha

Oily and not to everyone’s taste - rich and somewhat flaky.

Stephen Gerrard – six pints of lager

Marvellous when placed in the appropriate part of the evening. Otherwise troublesome and can throw the whole meal wildly out of kilter. Apparently popular with sixteen year-olds.

Frank Lampard – mutton dhansak

Generally tasty and well balanced but meat getting a little tough.

Gareth Barry – tarka dall

Lumpen and quite unappetizing – not the centerpiece of a meal, can be satisfying on occasion.

James Milner – mushroom biryiani

All things to all people but can be bland if unaccompanied.

Wayne Rooney – vegetarian ceylon

Thought to be hot by many, but disappointingly mild in reality. No meat, no impact.

Jermaine Defoe – popadoms

Lightweight and relies on early service – intrinsically uninteresting.

Defoe - unlikely to withstand much pressure

Joe Cole – mango lassi

Tasty and often well worth ordering but often forget to do so.

Emile Heskey – ghee butter

Fat scraped off the bottom of the barrel. Best if stored for extended periods.

Peter Crouch – onion bhaji

Well regarded side dish but often overlooked.

Fabio Capello – the chutney tray

Gives impression of being strong and shiny but ultimately leaves you in a pickle.

Capello - no variation under the lid

Sepp Blatter – dirty kitchen

Standards have been allowed to lapse, stove is outdated and work surface is filthy. Suffers from insufficient inspection – should be closed down.

So what to do about this? We need better service and hot, exciting new dishes made from more wholesome ingredients. Most of the existing stock needs to be thrown away and the restaurant needs a complete rebranding and a new, simpler business plan. So when your appetite for international football next kicks in, don't settle for anything less.

Cup of Good Hop Match 55:

Paraguay 2

Dirty-Sanchez 34, Santa-Claus 51

Holland 0

The distinctive nature of Palo Santo steamrollered Oranjeboom without breaking sweat, let alone wind. 'Are you still here,' says Deaks - referring to the Dutch entry, and there were no cries of dissent to counter this, no fingers in the dyke of defeat. Game over.

Match 56:

Switzerland 4

Hurlimann 2, Von Trapp (pen) 13, Toblerone 61, Boy-Dun-Gud (O.G 88)

North Korea 0

A thorough leathering - and that was us by this stage. Samichlaus's label has written upon it 'The World's Most Extraordinary Beverage' - which is some claim but not without some justification. 'It tastes like all your favourite Christmases,' says James, and we nod in unison like Churchill the unfunny insurance dog. 'The gothic typeface suggests something dark and mysterious,' says Peter, 'this beer can lead me through any number of strange adventures and I wouldn't care.' Probably enough to put curls on Harry Potter's head.

E+F: The ins and outs of the final group matches...

Glen Johnson trying to avoid being hit square in the Jubulanis yesterday

Group E
Match 41:
Denmark 0

Japan 2
Snackazawa 43, Mizuno 48

A double whammy does for the Danes as their disappointing COGH campaign comes to an end. The lads don't hold back in what they feel about Carlsberg. 'Bath water. Not fit to grace this fine competition,' says Dan, whilst James thinks it 'smells of feet.' Peter follows up with a cutting 'It's awful, I'm getting more off these figs I'm eating.' Sapporo by contrast as dry, clean and hundred times more drinkable.

Tim Stewart's World Cup Diary

We'd heartily recommend Tim Stewart's on-the-spot reporting from England v Slovenia on our siblog European Football Weekends.

Match 42:
Cameroon 0

Holland 2
Bruin 32, Agagoo 75 (O.G)

Two very similar games to round off the groups, except the French / Cameroonian entrant Tradition is way out of Carlsberg's league, but not in a good way. 'Worst beer we've tried, and that's saying something,' says Deaks, eager to wash his mouth out with something more pleasant. The Dutch grab their first and only goals of the tournament but strangely they are enough to give them a decent shout of the second round.

Final Group E Table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Japan	3	3	0	0	5	0	5	9
2	Holland	3	1	1	1	2	1	1	4
3	Denmark	3	1	1	1	1	2	-1	4
4	Cameroon	3	0	0	3	0	5	-5	0

COGH Analysis: In an amazing last gasp bid Holland have overtaken the Danes on goal difference, but will face the formidable Paraguayans in the next round. Japan were not troubled in the group, and will fancy themselves against Italy. The Danes can consider themselves unlucky, especially as their first choice beer was smashed in an unfortunate accident. As for the French / Cameroonian entry, they are no loss to the contest.

Whoops!

Vladimir Mijaljevic commentating for Serbia's biggest TV station RTS said of the German goalkeeping situation: “Neuer is in goal, because Enke cannot play. He is injured.” Obviously no-one told Mijaljevic that Robert Enke tragically committed suicide last year.

Group F
Match 43:
Slovakia 0

Italy 1
Columbo 39

Two evenly matched sides going head-to-head in a battle for that vital runners-up spot in the group. The Italians edge out the Slovaks by being 'a little tastier' but overall an uninspiring encounter. 'You'd not refuse a few of these, but I've had better up Ben Nevis,' says Peter. Stu is equally non-plussed. 'I don't think either of these will be going very much further in the competition to be honest.' No-one disagrees.

Thought for the Day

A player has been sent off on each of the last eight day's play - a new World Cup record. It seems that there are so many fiddly things that 'deserve' a yellow card these days, wrecking many perfectly good matches. Here's to no red cards today... what would be the odds of that? 50/1?

Impenetrable: England's route to the WC2010 final

Match 44:

Paraguay 3

New Zealand 0

'This beer would put you in Accident and Emergency if you're not careful,' says Dan. Not everyone is a fan of Palo Santo, but all have to admire how they've managed to fit 12% ABV of beer into something that doesn't taste like surgical spirit. Mac's Gold, on the other hand, is pallid, plain and out of COGH without a point or even so much as a goal.

The NZ team in celebratory mood... Obviously with beer from other countries

Final Group F Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Paraguay	3	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
2	Italy	3	2	0	1	3	3	0	6
3	Slovakia	3	1	0	2	2	4	-2	3
4	New Zealand	3	0	0	3	0	5	-5	0

COGH Analysis: Paraguay coast over the finishing line as group winners and will not fear the Dutch. The Italians were arguably fielding an understrength entry and so did well under the circumstances. As for the Slovaks and the Kiwis, both were fancied before the start of the tournament and have largely disappointed, but stood little chance against a most distinctive South American entry.

Tomorrow: Will Brazil qualify? Are Switzerland COGH's new dark horses

Group F - shock leaders after two games

COGH around the world

So far people from more than 60 countries have visited Cup of Good Hop - from every continent and just about every major nation on earth. A quick rundown the alphabet of the global community of Hoppers includes Brunei, Iceland, Libya, Pakistan, Vietnam and Zimbawbe. Wow. I hope you're enjoying COGH out there as much as we enjoy producing it. Drop us a line anytime.
Thanks, Peter & James. Now back to the action...

Group E caps: Poor show from Italy and Slovakia

Match 27:

Slovakia 1
Rubik (pen) 47
Paraguay 3
Santana 13, Alcatraz 20, Stukka (o.g) 81

For a beer to be described as 'very bitter, gassy and unremarkable' is not a good start and is liable to result in slip-ups in Cup of Good Hop. Such is the fate of Ostravar, who let Paraguay in with an early brace and never recovered. Paraguay's distinctive style and 12% strength laid the Slovakians asunder - though not everyone's cup of tea, they are the best tipple in the group for many of the EBTs.

Our siblog European Football Weekends has been publishing Fat Boy Slim's World Cup diary. Here's the latest instalment...

Fatboy Slim - our blog soul brother

And here's the prime data from the first round of matches in a handy chart.

Click picture to enlarge

Match 28:
Italy 1
Rizotto 65

New Zealand 0

Not the most inspiring encounter. Peter concludes: 'At this stage it's hard to distinguish Forza Azzurri from Mythos and the rest of Lagerland, but to be fair it's better than Mythos.' James feels that Macs Gold, with it ridged bottle and ring-pull cap is style over substance. Stu is in accord, rubbishing its 4% status along the way toboot. You feel the Kiwis won't be extending their stay in COGH beyond stage one.

Group E:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Paraguay	2	2	0	0	6	2	4	6
2	Italy	2	1	0	1	2	3	-1	3
3	Slovakia	2	1	0	1	2	3	-1	3
4	New Zealand	2	0	0	2	0	2	-2	0

COGH Analysis: Paraguay have ensured qualification with two fine performances, and face the bottom feeding Kiwis. The drama-o-meter will be turned up to eleven at the Italy / Slovakia game, as only alphabetical order can separate them thus far.

Group F - Paraguay make early running...

Group F on paper looked simple - the Italians and Slovakians will knock it out of the park, leaving beer novices New Zealand and Paraguay to scrabble the BFH (bus fare home) together. However, as with many things after a day's solid drinking - all was not it seemed... Be prepared to enter the COGH Twilight Zone...

n.b. this is a library still, as we were not sufficiently on
the ball at this stage to get a group photo

Italy
Forza Azzurri, 5%
'Brewed in Udinese - which is Deaks' favourite Italian team, there is very little else known about this brand, which we found in a convenience store on Lewes Rd, Brighton.'
COGH research bureau

New Zealand
Macs Gold, 4%
'The Bottle was funky, looked like Mac had made it in his shed and the label suggested it was naturally brewed. So its not your average beer, and to be fair it tastes quite good with a good maltyness (is this a word?) to it. Unfortunately I couldn't warm to it and I would have to advise giving this one a miss…' alcoholexperiment.com

Paraguay
Palo Santo Marron, 12%
'Brewed in three massive 10,000 gallon tanks made from Paraguayan lignum vitae wood, which is hard enough to be used in cutting gems and dense enough to sink in water. This fact is even more silly, but it's still not the howler. No, much more absurd than all of this is the fact that Palo Santo Marron is a brown ale of all things.'
Spondologos

Slovakia
Ostravar, 5%
'Brewed since 1897 by this Prague microbrewery which was swallowed up into the larger group Prazské Pivovary (Prague Breweries) which is now controlled by Interbrew, this is a very tasty Pilsner with a marmite and fried egg aroma. A decent body with soft honey and barley sugar notes, gently cut by citrus hops which gradually melt into a fragrant memory. '
bottledbeer.co.uk
COGH excuse - we tried and failed to get hold of Golden Pheasant - and as previous noted their US distributors were most unhelpful.

That's quite enough of that. Let's see what Barbie and Sindy are up to:-

Still chatting by the trophy. Both are a little tipsy but still in control of their faculties. Let's get on with the important bit now - the match reports. Bet you can't wait...

Match 11:

Italy 1

Machetti 21

Paraguay 3

Alcatraz 26, Cruzcampo (pen) 46, Noreiga 79

The Italian brew was generally considered 'ok', and quite literally nothing more, with 'slightly better than Mythos' being the most complimentary anybody got. Whereas opinion was wildly split over the Paraguayan wood-aged brown ale. Everyone but Peter ('tastes like cough mixture and fish') loved it. 'Smells wonderful, licorice. Genuinely interesting. Special occasions only, crazy juice,' mused James - with Stu, Dan and Deaks in dogged agreement. The wisdom of the crowd easily winning through. One of the biggest shocks of the tournament thus far.

These lads were pleased with the result, and had had a few Palo Santos to celebrate

Match 12:

New Zealand 0

Slovakia 1

Amsik 30

'It's got a novelty cap and novelty bottle - but I wouldn't go to New Zealand to get one,' thus spake Deaks. James agreed, saying it was style over substance and Stu merely shook his head, and the fate of Macs Gold was sealed. Peter pretentiously detected 'smoky notes' in the Czech, pretender, and though found it a little less than welcoming, thought it would definitely get you there. Job done. New Zealand is fielding the only amateur player in WC2010, and judging by the state of their beer, you can well believe it.

Forgot to post a picture of our exclusive 'Very Nice World Cup
of Good Hop' wallchart. More on this later

So, we've nearly met all the contestants - what do you think so far? Don't forget to vote on the poll options on COGH. Better still, go out and buy some of them yourself - then vote, or not...

Have I Got Booze for You...

7.15am, just about to set off for a WHOLE DAY beer hunting in London. Watch this space for a full report later...

Right... what a day. EVERY detail of what I have to report is true. This is just as much a political report as a beer blog today, but will try to keep it short and to the point and not a rant...

Got early lift with mate Jason as far as Greenwich, and looked at my dog-eared list of beer specialists, with only the south and west of the capital left to be combed. Got tube to London Bridge and went to Otobeer in Borough Market (v highly recommend). What a find. Lovely guys, couldn't be more help - and there I found:-

1) BEER#11 Greece - Mythos - £2.00
They may be having problems at the moment but it didn't take Archimedes to get a new angle on searching down this lager.




2) BEER#12 - Denmark - Mikkelle Stateside IPA £2.00



More about this one later, when our tale washes over you like the North Sea over the Little Mermaid - or something like that.

3) BEER#13 - Paraguay - £6.00 (yes, six of your English pounds!)



This is American, but stored in Paraguayan wood, which is enough of a link in this magical pystery tour...

4) BEER #14 - South Africa - £2.00



Durban Pale Ale - this is one of those ones that needs to be decanted from the bottle as its got yeast and bits of kids at the bottom of the bottle - intriguing.

5) I also found lovely chaps and a great chat about our quest, with the basic message being that COGH was impossible and that we needed to make some compromises in order to get 32 representatives together. This confirmed our need to find logical, or not so logical replacements for the following because they don't export their beers to the UK:- N Korea, Chile, Ivory Coast, Slovenia, Uruguay and Honduras.

On I went to Elephant and Castle to a South American shop - not a beer in sight. Undettered I went to Brick Lane to check out its exotic wares. Surely this melting pot would hold many glories? Well, it held two.

BEER #15 - Ivory Coast £1.79

Tusker is from Kenya - ok, that's cheating a bit but I've never had it and we've got to have some ringers.

BEER #16 - Algeria - 79p

The biggest selling beer in Algeria is Skol. Yes, that's right. Yuk. Still, bought a can of it so that North Africa can have representation, an inauspicious way to reach the COGH halfway mark.

I then went to Ealing to have a few beers with a mate. With it being such a lovely day the park was the option of choice and Leffe Blonde was the preferred tipple. Oh Belgium, why did you not qualify?


Arguably the best beer in the world, but not in COGH

To cut a long story short, Andy and I were a few bottles down each, causing no bother whatsoever when two Community Support Officers came to harass us. Quite why they picked on us when lots of people were drinking in the park is quite beyond me. To cut a longer story even shorter, despite attempts to just leave the park they pursued us and called for back-up. Jesus Christ - what kind of country is this!

After arguing the toss with all five - five! ****ing police (well, three real ones and two wannabes) I was given an £80 on-the-spot fine - which I have less than no intention of paying.

All this commotion made me late for my lift back to Brighton from Greenwich, and in my haste to get there I stumbled on an escalator and two of the beers (Tusker and Mikkel) smashed in my bag, all over my iPod, which at the time of writing no longer works. What fascist bastards - they've caused COGH to only have 14 rather than 16 beers so far. Nuff said... onwards and upwards next week...

PS