Why it's Hard to Side With the Wisconsin Protesters...

Okay, so I hit on this a little on “I’m With Stupid” but my good friend AverageChick encouraged me to expand on it a little here.

So I’ve been watching the protests in Wisconsin for what seems like months now and I think I understand where most Americans stand on this whole thing. In general, most Americans like me support collective bargaining rights and the right to unionize.  And, most Americans like me support the right to protest and organize and petition one’s employer. 

But, the problem here is we’re talking mostly about teachers and that just changes things a bit. 

See, first of all, teachers always like to call themselves “professionals” much like doctors and lawyers and such.  But, just as my old friend from college Brian pointed out after the Fayetteville, AR teachers lost a local vote that would have increased taxes to pay for pay raises for teachers and the teachers responded by all refusing to show up for work, teachers aren’t really professionals. Not like doctors and lawyers anyway.  And, as a high school drop out who was assistant manager of a pizza joint at night and cashier at a Stop and Go during the day, he was clearly an expert on the subject.

But it goes further than that.

And I’m not talking about how overpaid and under worked teachers are either.  You know, they make a big salary for only working 8 am til 3:15 pm five days a week for only about 8 months out of the year thing.  Yeah, that’s a problem. And given how they all get at least one free hour during the day and in general have pretty cushy jobs.  Not to mention all those holidays, plus two weeks at Christmas and spring break. 

I see that, but even that it isn’t it.

Oh sure, there’s also tenure. If they work for just a few years they suddenly can’t be fired no matter how bad they suck.  And after that they never do a new lesson plan again. I mean, you can change the book every year if you want, but 2+2 will always = 4, right? Not that most of my teachers knew that. 

No, that’s not even it really. Basically there’s one big thing that stands out as the reason most Americans can’t really come out in full-throated support of the teachers.

Teaching is basically women’s work.

Since teachers are mostly women, it only stands to reason that they would make less.  Women not being as important as men and all.  Also, most women only go into teaching to give themselves something to do during the day while their husbands are working at real jobs. 

Teaching is the perfect job for women. They don’t have to be there until after they’ve made breakfast for everyone and gotten the kids off to school and can then pick the kids up after school and be home in time to have dinner ready for their husbands when they come home after a hard day of actual work. 

This short work day schedule makes it easier for women to have time to keep the house clean and do their .. uh … “womanly duties” keeping the man of the house happy and relaxed so he can focus on his very important and busy job that allows him to take care of the family.

So, when you look at things in this sense and keep all this in perspective, you can see how it’s difficult to take sides with the teachers protesting in Wisconsin.

But, I do want to thank the teachers for support of “I’m With Stupid” every Thursday night at 11 pm EST!!  Thanks guys. Y’all rock! 

Amazing Facts About Presidents ...

In honor of President's Day I thought I would run down a list of strange and amazing facts about some of America's presidents.

1. George Washington was an outstanding basketball player. During down time during the revolutionary war he used to take on his soldiers in one-on-one games. Nobody could ever handle his crossover move.

2. John Adams was very gullible and would always fall for Aaron Burr's “pull my finger” joke.

3. Thomas Jefferson is Tyra Banks' great great great grandfather

4. James Madison had a penis extension

5. James Monroe invented the parlor game Naked Twister

6. John Qunicy Adams had a third nipple.

7. Andrew Jackson held the first Dance-Off Face-Off competition ever with John C. Calhoun. Calhoun won.

8. Martin Van Buren had a great sense of humor and actually did a comedy act at The Funny Bone in Baltimore on weekends under the name Marty Graw.

9. William Henry Harrison played the ukelele.

10. John Tyler taught tap dancing for extra income in the basement of the White House. His most famous student was Jimmy Davis, Sammy Davis Jr.'s great great grandfather.

11. James K Polk invented the polka dot shirt.

12. Zachary Taylor loved to boogie board.

13. Millard Fillmore loooooooved Vienna Sausages and had them for lunch almost daily.

14. Franklin Pierce was double jointed which made him VERY popular with the ladies.

15. James Buchanan wrote a great humor blog but nobody ever commented on it because he didn't comment on other blogs too.

16. Abe Lincoln used to call up Sec of State William Seward in the middle of the night and ask him if his refrigerator was running.

17. Andrew Johnson was a ninja.

18. Ulysses S. Grant threw right handed, but batted left.

19. Rutherford B Hayes required everyone to talk like a pirate during cabinet meetings.

20. James Garfield had a pet lizard named “Pookie”

21. Chester A Arthur's nickname was “Scooter.”

22. Grover Cleveland enjoyed a good mani/pedi every other Saturday.

23. Benjamin Harrison was the first president to have a stripper pole installed in the White House's basement pub.

24. Grover Cleveland enjoyed sword fighting .. you know what I mean boys. ;-)

25. William McKinley was an insanely boring man and there are no interesting facts about him.

26. Theodore Roosevelt was afraid of cats.

27. William Howard Taft was into yoga

28. Woodrow Wilson always wanted to be a chef instead of going into politics.

29. Warren Harding loved chick flicks.

30. Calvin Coolidge sucked at Scrabble and consistently lost to VP Dawes.

31. Herbert Hoover loved sushi.

32. FDR excelled at Bocci Ball

33. Harry S Truman did a hilarious monologue routine which he posted online every week instead of the Fireside Chats that FDR did.

34. Dwight Eisenhower was a leg man.

35. John F Kennedy hated Guinness beer but never said anything to keep his Irish street cred.

36. LBJ actually talked like Tom Brokaw and had to fake his Texas accent.

37. Richard Nixon loved hanging out in the White House sauna every evening. In his blue suit.

38. Gerald Ford was hung like a horse.

39. Jimmy Carter was an expert with nunchucks.

40. Ronald Reagan loved vampire movies.

41. George H. W. Bush listens to rap music.

42. Bill Clinton doesn't care for Bar-B-Q

43. George W Bush is an ass man.

44. Barack Obama loves Wild Irish Rose.

There you go, 44 amazing facts about our presidents that are totally made up 100% true because they are now on the internet.

What To Do If You Have A Racist Cock ...

So, have you seen this moronic statement from singer/songwriter/douchebag John Mayer?   He was asked by Playboy magazine if black women throw themselves at him like white women do.  Here’s his answer…


"I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin' David Duke c*ck."


See folks?  John isn’t a racist at all.  But, his dick is.  He loves black women, but his dick isn’t interested.  When he sees a beautiful black woman, his heart and mind say “WOW!” But, his dick runs and hides.  It’s just not his fault.

So, here is possibly the worst stick figure cartoon of John Mayer ever…


Yeah, I’m witty.  Actually credit for the concept of John wearing a little KKK hood over his “Little John” goes to my friend Annie from Annie & Burl Live.  Annie says I’m a sick fuck.  I think she’s projecting a bit when she does that.

Anyway, I’m guessing that John never gets this ad on his Facebook page that I get all the time…


And you know what?  My dick doesn’t run and hid from that ad.  My dick says “Hey! Check that ad out dude! Do it! Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiick that ad!!”  He’s kinda pushy like that.



Oh, one other thing that I thought of.  Hello!! Business opportunity…

“Hey folks, John Mayer here.  Are you like me in that you love black women but have a white supremacist dick?  Well, I have the perfect product for you.  Developed in the Cynical Bastard World Laboratories specifically for people like me:

The KKKondom! 

That’s right kids.  Now you don’t have to worry about your dick being afraid of black women.  Just slip on the “hoodie” and get after it.  You’ll protect your dick while still enjoying the wonders of making love to a black woman.  Your dick will never be afraid of black women again.  And when you get asked about having sex with black women, you’ll be able to say ‘Hell yeah!’ and nobody will ever know the truth. 

Call it sensitivity training for your cock.  And here’s a bonus:  It works perfect for dicks that are afraid of Asian, Hispanic, Native American and EVEN Jewish women too!  Pretty much any minority woman your dick might be afraid of. 

So, go ahead, call 1-800-KKK-COCK and get your supply of KKKondoms today!”   

The Greatness That Is Me ...

Okay, so you have probably seen this Urban Dictionary thing happening on Facebook.  I mean, you can’t get away from it.  Everyone is doing it.  I was going to, but I thought it would better as a blog entry.  And, I didn’t want to post it both on Facebook and here, so I chose here.

Anyway, the idea is to go to Urban Dictionary and search your name and them post the definition given.  I think the original idea is to post the FIRST definition, but I’m going to ignore the rules and post my favorite.  Also, I tried looking for “Jay” and well, let’s just say that those definitions weren’t very flattering.  Except for the one that said “Jay is the biggest slut you’ll ever meet.”  I kind of liked that one.

So, I went with my actual name which is Jason. 

Jason:
1. the act of being the sexiest person alive
2. A very VERY sexy person
3. Something you would/should name your penis

- A Jason is a cute, awkward, dorky boy. He's funny and sweet, can attract many girls by his lovable, boyish charm.

- The cutest hottest most amazing boyfriend on the entire earth and no one can ever be even close to as perfect as him

- A guy I REALLY want to fuck.

- An amazing guy that will always be there for you.

- Usually a cute guy who likes watching Lords of Dogtown and going to kindergarten parks with girls. Oh, and is also a VERY good kisser.

- A huge tough man who usually kicks everyone’s ass and attracts all the ladies. This person has the biggest dick in town. He likes to party it up by going to strip clubs, getting drunk, and smoking bud. He's the complete package all around.

- Jason is someone who is one of those tall, dark, and handsome guys who everyone thinks is hot; aka high calorie eye candy.

- He is down to earth and a really sweet guy. Sensitive, yet manly; serious, but has a fun side. Would make any woman feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

- Whenever you see him he makes you smile. He has the sexiest voice ever (I could listen to it all day!). Great smile and the best brown hazel/green eyes! Looks good in a suit and tie and knows his weather! ;)
You'll have dreams of meeting and marrying him one day



Okay, so you get the idea.  There are other definitions of course, but I thought these were the most relevant.

But, I’m disappointed that they left a few things out.  So, I thought I would add them here…

Jason…

- Is a great cuddler.  Probably the best cuddler you could  ever dream of meeting.  Able to make raging, furious women calm, warm, happy and contented just by giving them a hug and holding them.

- Has great taste in women. 

- Is full of all kinds of knowledge.  Most of it useless.

- Isn’t happy unless your happy.

- Genuinely cares about you.

- Is sensitive to your needs.

- Is a leg, ass and tits man.  In that order.

- Is the epitome of honesty, decency and genuine goodness.

- Is a true gentleman.

- Will never hurt you.

- Is a lover and a fighter.  But, prefers not to fight.

- Has brought sexy back many times.

- Has a steel trap for a mind.

- Sets the perfect example for others to follow.

- In addition to his great taste in women, has generally great taste in everything from food to home décor to cars to television shows and movies.

- Will leave you breathless.

- Is a remarkably humble and modest man.


Okay, I think that just about covers it.