I Keep Doing Shit Like This ...

My friends, the never-ending battle with mustard has taken another strange turn. As you know, a couple of weeks ago a rouge drop of mustard fired the latest round in this war by jumping off the bun with a Polish Sausage and onto the center of my shirt. This forced me to walk around the rest of the day with little kids pointing and laughing while yelling “MUSTARD STAIN!! YOU GOT A MUSTARD STAIN!!!”

Well, it didn't take long for hostilities to resume. Just this last week Mustard and I had another go at it. And once again it involved hot dogs. I was having them for dinner and I grabbed the squeeze bottle of French's Yellow Mustard (I don't really care for the spicy mustard) out of the fridge.

Totally irrelevant story:

When I lived in Springfield, Missouri, I worked for a while at a company just down the street from Reckitt-Benckiser's big plant where they make French's Yellow Mustard. You wouldn't believe the noxious fumes that place let off throughout the day. I mean it was NASTY! I couldn't imagine having to work there and go home everyday smelling like that. Of course, that's why they paid so much more than other places too.

Anyway, if you're ever driving through Springfield on I-44 be sure to roll up your windows. Cause you can smell that nasty shit all the way out on the interstate.

/Totally irrelevant story

I don't really like the squeeze bottles all that much. They're kind of hassle. Especially when they start getting low, or even past the half-way point like this one was. Mostly I don't like them because even after you shake them up, you have to squeeze just a bit out into the sink because that nasty, oily pre-mustard stuff comes out.

So anyway, I did that and then I put a little mustard on my buns. But, then I noticed that I got mustard all over the cap. Gross. I knew that if I didn't clean that off, the next time I needed to use it, I would get old, dried up mustard on my thumb when I opened the squeeze bottle. Then my thumb would smell like mustard the rest of the day and that's unacceptable.

So, I cleaned the cap off and then promptly turned around and THREW THE MUSTARD AWAY. I mean, totally without thinking. Just tossed it into the trash can. It was the next day before I saw it. Poor bottle just lying there in the remains of a mushroom soup, peas and rice concoction that goes great with chicken.

There was no saving it.

Now, this isn't as bad as the great Mac & Cheese Incident of 2009. You might remember that I put the leftover Mac & Cheese into the storage container (old butter tub) and then, instead of putting it into the fridge, I put it back up into the cabinet and didn't find it again for a week.

I don't know why I do things like this. It keeps me awake at night worrying about it though. I mean, there's absent mindedness and then there's the totally boneheaded things that I do like this. My greatest fear is that this is the type of stuff that will get me put into a home long before it is normally necessary.

Do any of you promise to come visit when that happens?