Wondering What I Had For Lunch?

 It's right there on my shirt.

On Friday I made a quick run to the liquor store to get the wine for Christmas dinner and other refreshments for other nights. At the liquor store there was a guy with a little cart set up selling pulled pork BBQ sandwiches and Polish Sausages. I decided that a Polish Dog would be a great idea and since it was only $2 it was a bargain too. So went over and got me one.

Well the first attempt had to be aborted. The dude asked if I wanted any mustard or relish or whatever, and I told him a little bit of mustard. He proceeded to pour about seventeen pounds of mustard onto the bun. Before he grabbed the dog I said “Dude. Is that your idea of ‘a little bit of mustard?’” He tried to wipe some of it off, but gave up and tossed the bun. The second try was actually too much again, but I let it go and didn’t say anything.

The dog was delicious. It had a nice smoky flavor and even though it didn’t really sit all that well for about an hour, things did settle down and I would say it was a pretty decent lunch. Except for one small problem. The bun was a little too small for the sausage (a problem that I’m guessing dudes who do porn movies run into often) and the bun broke on the ends. The result of this was that I dribbled a little bit of mustard on my shirt.

I’m always doing this. Hell, this was the second straight day that a little bit of my lunch ended up on my shirt. I really don’t know why this is such a problem. But what really made this one special was that every time I lowered my head just a bit, I could smell the mustard on my shirt.

Now, I know that many of you would have changed shirts for the rest of the day. Not me. Oh no. I’m not going to wear two shirts in the same day and end up having to do laundry a day earlier than I normally would simply because of my inability to keep my lunch off my chest. I made the decision to stick with that shirt for a couple of different reasons.

1. I have never seen any independent study that proves that women find the faint aroma of mustard to be a turn off. In fact, it’s entirely possible that mustard, mixed with the smell of Great Value Spring Fresh laundry detergent acts as an aphrodisiac for women.

2. I decided that there the little lunch stain on the shirt was actually something to be proud of. So, just as Jackie Kennedy refused to changer her dress and defiantly stood in front of the whole world with JFK’s blood and guts all over her, I chose to continue to wear my mustard stained shirt for all to see.

I’m such a slob.

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In other news, if you joined the IWS College Pick ‘Em game, the bowl games have already started! But, you can still pick the games that haven’t been played. So, do so quickly while you’re thinking about it!

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And, if you missed last week’s edition of “I’m With Stupid” you can always listen to it on the player on my sidebar or go to the main page and download it and put it on your iPod or smart phone. It was a GREAT time!