How Cameron Cost Us The World Cup Bid

David Cameron cost us the 2018 World Cup bid as his austerity World Cup plans were leaked today. Under the coalition government, cuts would have been forced upon the FIFA World Cup if England were to have hosted the massive sporting event. Below are some of the proposals David Cameron would have introduced:

* The number of players per team would have been cut from 11 to 8, with a three year wage freeze imposed on every team except China.

* Instead of using official FIFA referees, as part of Cameron's 'Big Society' he would replace them with charity workers who have an interest in football.

* Worried about the cost of policing and stewarding at the 2018 World Cup games, volunteers from the public would be drafted in under the banner of "we're all in this together!".

* The 5m extra visitors would have to be revised downwards for fears some may actually want to stay in England long term. Strict control at border control would ensure that only Tory supporters would be allowed into the country. Although if the Lib Dems rebel,the ratio would become 70% Tory, 20% Lib Dems and 10% so rich that a blind eye would be turned.

* The £202m spent on beer would bring extra income for the government, especially once VAT hits 20% in January 2011. A quango would be set up with friends of Cameron looking at ways to hike prices to make sure the poorer people couldn't buy a World Cup ticket.

* The unemployed would be forced to work for free in cleaning up stadiums and streets during the World Cup - this will save the coalition paying minimum wages to cleaning contractors.

* Council houses will be used as guest houses in a new Tory partnership with social housing companies. There will be an acceleration of families being turfed out under new benefit changes, making sure large numbers of homes become available by late 2017. Those families affected, will be moved far enough away from stadiums so as not to cause any disruption.

* By 2018, a large number of young people who couldn't afford the debt of tuition fees will become available following the introduction of a  'Conscription Act' c.2015. Those that are conscripted to public duty will be encouraged to sell World Cup programmes at games, man stalls and generally help fat cats profit from the FIFA games.