Hiccup Girl Who I "Interviewed" Charge With Murder ..

So back in Feb. of '07 this teenage girl got the hiccups.  And claimed she couldn't get rid of them for weeks and week.  I'm sure you remember the story since she went on virtually every single show available. All the morning shows, cable news shows and interviews with all the major newspapers.  Needless to say, I was a little skeptical.

AND? She stopped by the Cynical News World Headquarters for an interview too.

Well, I turned on the TV this morning only find that this girl has been charge with 1st degree MURDER!  Unreal!  And since this shocking news came out this morning, I decided that now would be a good time to re-post my "interview" with her from back in the day.

Interview with Hiccup Girl from Feb. '07:


Since the Cynical World News understands that ratings are what drives this business we have decided join the crowd. We have landed an exclusive interview with Hiccup Girl (who will be known as “HG” from here on out”.

You will notice that I’m not going to use her actual name. That’s because I’m pretty sure this attention whore is Googling her name every five minutes.

And, I don’t want her to sue me.

Anyway, here is the interview between me, Executive Editor of Cynical World News and “HG”....

Me: Thanks for being here today and not holding out for that private jet in the negotiations.
HG: *hic* what jet *hic*
Me: Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know.
HG: *hic*
Me: Damn, you’re pretty good.
HG: *hic* at what? *hic*
Me: Okay, fine. We’ll play it your way.

Me: So, how are you doing today?
HG: *hic*
Me: Yeah .. uh .. seriously, could you tone that down a bit? There are no cameras here.
HG: *hic* I’m trying *hic*
Me: *sigh*

Me: Okay, you claim that this started right out of the blue three weeks ago.
HG: *hic* yes *hic*
Me: Feel free to elaborate on any answer here sweetheart.
HG: *hic*
Me: Anyway, you still claim that you weren’t swimming in Vodka at the time and THAT might have brought it on?
HG: *hic* NO! *hic* I’m only 15 *hic*
Me: Yeah, so what’s your point?
HG: *hic* and I was *hic* in school *hic*
Me: But, it was AFTER lunch break, right?
HG: *hic* yeah
Me: *nods knowingly* I thought so.

Me: So, your plan has worked pretty good so far. You’re getting a lot of publicity here.
HG: *hic*
Me: But, have you gotten a book deal yet?
HG: *hic* what deal? *hic*
Me: Please, quit pretending.
HG: *hic*
Me: Have you decided who should play you in the made for TV movie?
HG: *hic* no *hic*
Me: Oh come on .... surely you’ve thought about it.
HG: *hic* wellllllll ... *hic*
Me: I thought so. So come on, who have you thought about.
HG: *hic* Hey *hic* Hey *hic* Hayden Pa .. *hic*
Me: Hayden Panettiere?
HG: *hic* yes! *hic*
Me: I don’t think so.
HG: *hic* why?
Me: She’s too cute. Maybe somebody else?
HG: *hic* Lindsay *hic*
Me: Lindsay Lohan? Hmmm .... yeah, she probably knows what it’s like to be so drunk to end up with uncontrollable hiccups. That would work.
HG: *hic* thanks! *hic*

Me: Okay, well I guess I only have more question for you.
HG: *hic* okay
Me: BOO!!!!!!!!
HG: *hic* ahhhh!! ..... *falls out of chair*
Me: Did it work?
HG: ............................................. *hic*
Me: Damn you’re good.