Time To Bring The Funny ...

Well, it's Tuesday again kids. That means it's time for more monologue jokes that are more like Saturday Night Live “Weekend Update” type jokes. I know this is the highlight of your week here in the bloggerhood! And, as always if you read only in Reader you will see a player at the bottom where you can listen if you like. And I hope you like.

And, as usual, I will also post the jokes here for the audio impaired. Although, if you just read the jokes and don't listen to the two and half minute audio, then you're not getting the full effect and kind of missing out. But hey, if you want to miss out, then that's fine with me. I'm cool like that.

1. A New York state alcohol metabolism expert says hangovers get worse as drinkers age and cheap alcohol can lead to more intense morning-after discomfort. After that, he made other shocking revelations like “As people drink more, they have to pee more often.” And, “The more a person drinks, the more likely they are to go home with someone they'll regret going home with in the morning.”

2. Rocker Sammy Hagar says that he was abducted by aliens and they uploaded information from his brain. Yeah, don't do drugs kids. Just. Don't do drugs. See what happens? They're bad.

3. Rush Limbaugh mocked people who use Viagra on his radio show last week. After realizing the irony of that he went all in and mocked fat racists who are also drug addicts.

4. Billionaire investor Warren Buffett see lots of buying opportunities in Japan right now. He says it's good to get in while the markets are still shaky.

5. Congressman Peter King says that after his hearings on the radicalization of Muslims he is now one of the most popular people in the world and could run for Governor or Senator of New York. Charlie Sheen and Donald Trump think King has a bit of an ego problem.

6. Academy of Pediatrics have come out with new child car seat recommendations. They now say you should keep you kid in a car seat until the age of 2 and then in a booster up to the age of 12. Afterwords, you can simply wrap them in bubble wrap to protect them.

7. In further science news, some researchers at the University of Pittsburgh believe that red wine actually helps protect the body from radiation. If this is the case, and if drinking lots of red wine over time helps build up immunity to radiation then they can probably air lift me right down into the middle of the Fukushima Reactor without any protective clothing at all.

Hey-OOOOOOOOOOOOO! Remember to tip your waitress.

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In other entertainment news, I've been telling you for a while that if you weren't listening to “I'm With Stupid” then you were missing out. Well, now I have proof. “I'm With Stupid” has made it's way back onto the first page of the Comedy category on Blog Talk Radio...

Yup, there we are. Ranked 14^th. Not too bad. As you may recall, back in the early days of the show several years months ago, the show hit the top 5 a couple of times. Then, the show fell on hard times and struggled to get past page 3. But, being the Butler University* of the Internet Radio world, Matt-Man and I have kept plugging away and are climbing back towards the top. And we appreciate each and every one of you out there who have been listening and supporting. YOU GUYS ROCK!

*Butler University = Slow, White and Scrappy.

You Get What You Give ...

If you’re not a sports fan you probably don’t know who Jay Mariotti is.  But, that’s okay because the media storm surrounding him right now has nothing to do with sports.  It has to do with hypocrisy and payback. 

Jay Mariotti was a long time columnist for the Chicago Sun Times and has been a regular on ESPN’s bombastic and annoying as fuck show “Around the Horn” since its inception.  Mariotti is best known for his moralizing and strict law and order opinions.  He’s been known to even demand that athletes who are accused of illegal behavior be suspended and dealt with harshly even though they haven’t yet (and often times never are) convicted of any wrongdoing.  For Mariotti, just the accusation is usually enough for him to be morally outraged and demand justice be served quickly and mercilessly.

Well, this last weekend Jay Mariotti was arrested and charged with domestic violence.  He was freed on Sunday after posting a $50,000 bail.   

Fitty grand? Sounds like a pretty serious situation doesn’t it. 

A witness claims we saw Mariotti pushing his girlfriend around and the last thing he saw was Jay grabbing his girlfriend and shoving her into an elevator.  A few minutes later the police arrived and took Mariotti off to the 77th precinct and booked him.

As soon as news broke Twitter and the sports blogosphere exploded.  It was impossible to find anyone doing anything other than crushing Mariotti.  One sports columnist even called it “shocking.” 

Well it was.  I also hope it was a wake up call for media types who have made a career out of finger-wagging and sitting in judgment of others. 

Mariotti was getting exactly what he has been dishing out for the last 20 years or so.  People were being just as patient and considerate of him as he has been of everyone else.  They were giving him the same benefit of the doubt (zero) that he gives everyone else.

Is it fair? No.  But, is it understandable? Yes. 

I liken this situation to Rush Limbaugh’s when he admitted that he was addicted to pain medications.  After years and years of excoriating people who were addicted to anything from drugs to alcohol or whatever, suddenly Rush was the addict asking for sympathy and understanding.  Something he, like Mariotti, was never willing to extend to anyone else.

Were most of the people who immediately started trashing Limbaugh hypocrites?  Yes, because they’re the people who for years and years had been saying (rightly I believe) that addiction to drugs or alcohol or whatever is a disease and should be treated as such. And instead of taking that stand with Limbaugh they demanded full prosecution and incarceration.

But, even so, they weren’t necessarily being unfair to Limbaugh.  They were simply giving him some of what he had dished out over the years.  Paybacks are a bitch and Limbaugh, like Mariotti was in no position to demand compassion when they were never willing to show it themselves.

Truth is this happens every single day to people.  People who are judging and gossiping about others suddenly find themselves on the receiving end and they don’t like it.  Well, the best way to avoid that terrible feeling is to not be the finger-wagging holier than thou Judgy McJudgerson type.

Sure, we all do it on some level.  We all judge people, we all like to be morally outraged from time to time.  But, we all need to remember that we are one bad weekend, or one terrible emotional, physical or medical situation from finding ourselves in the exact same situation.  Nobody is immune to it.  It doesn’t matter how rich you are, how morally pure you are or how well intentioned you are. 

If, God forbid, any of us should step in it, I’m sure we all hope that we aren’t on the receiving end of the kind of vitriol that Mariotti and Limbaugh were.  And the best way to avoid that is to make sure we aren’t the ones constantly dishing it out.

Air America Crashed and Burned

Air America, the liberal news radio station, not to be confused with the CIA radio that pours into foreign countries, shut down today. Does anyone feel bad about this?

The station, made familiar, but not popular, with such liberal extremists such as Al Frankin and Rachel Maddow, the verbally violent and volitile lesbian, has to shut down because basically nobody listens to it and they can no longer get advertising dollars to support it.

Created to compete with conservative talk radio hosts such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Ron Smith (I had to throw that in there), the station struggled from its infancy. Air America saw several management shake-ups and filed for bankruptcy in 2006 with mounting debts.

However, being super liberal and pro-abortion, these folks should not be too upset that they had to kill their baby.

Unfortunately, Al Frankin is now wreacking havoc in Minnesota and Washington, D.C. as a U.S. Senator and Rachel Maddow is spewing her hatred across liberal cable channel MSNBC. But, you know what they say - All bad things must come to an end. Bye-bye Air America!