Olympics, Tsunamis and Gaddafi ...

So the Olympics are over. I have to say I rather enjoyed them. I think that what made them much more enjoyable this time was Twitter. Enjoying the Milftastic hotness of the American Women's Curling team with Doc, the hockey excitement with Vinny and the fun back and forth with the hot and sexy Canadian babe, Anndi has definitely added to the Olympic experience for me. Not to mention the raging debate we had, along with Mrs D and Dana over Canada's women's hockey team's celebrating with champagne, beer and cigars on ice after their gold medal win. (I didn't see what the big deal was, others disagreed)

Well, I actually only watched curling, hockey and Apollo Ohno. And a little bit of the ice skating. Some of those skaters are hotties, ya know.

Anyway, Team USA set an all-time medals record with 37. As of my writing this, the men's hockey team is guaranteed of a medal. Either silver or gold as they are about to play Canada in the gold medal game. Whatever happens this afternoon, getting to the gold medal game and beating Canada once was a great achievement for this team. They're the youngest team in the tournament and NOBODY thought they would make it this far. So, those of you out there who know nothing about hockey who will probably be trashing Team USA if they lose. Stuff it.

Speaking of people who can fuck off. There are some people out there, mostly dumb ass American sports writers and American political columnists who hate sports and America, who are saying a lot of stupid things. Well, and a few people in other countries who are a little bitter. Mostly they are trying to find a way to diminish the accomplishments of Team USA.

As I mentioned we ("we" as in America) won 37 medals. That bests the previous record of 36 won by Germany in '06. A lot of people are coming up with all kinds of excuses and formulas to claim that the 37 medals don't really matter or isn't impressive. They making the claim that our population and the fact that there are so many more events than there used to be and making some vague reference to "American money" (as if we have any of that left in this country) to claim that we didn't really have some unfair advantage of somekind.

That's bullshit.

The Americans who qualified for the Olympics and won medals worked just as hard and sacrificed just as much as the athletes from other countries. For American media types and bitter losers from other countries to come up with stupid shit like this to try to minimize the accomplishments of these men and women is insulting and straight up America bashing. Go back to applying your guilty white liberal crap to politics and race discussions douche bags.

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Like many people I spent much of Saturday afternoon watching Tsumani Death Watch '10™. Unfortunately Luckily the tsunami that hit the Hawaiian Islands didn't have much punch to it by the time it got there. So, afterwords I got to thinking about all the close calls we've had over the last few years. Things that could have brought great death and destruction and caused entire civilizations to collapse into chaos and anarchy.

Basically we've dodged some serious bullets like....

- The Evil Empire
- Killer bees
- Y2K
- West Nile Virus
- SARS
- Avian Flu
- Bacon Flu
- Jay Leno in Prime Time.

And now the tsunami that was supposed to drown Hawaii.

But, I tell ya what. Just like I say after every one of these scares. It was just another dress rehearsal for the real thing. Cause folks, one of these days our luck is gonna run out and one of these "threats" is going to be real. I hope we'll be ready. Mostly I hope we can overcome the way our media will melt down and be of no real use to us.

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Oh yea, one more Olympic note. I have sent Russian curlers Anna Sidorova and Ludmila Privivkova friend requests on Facebook.


I'm sure that they have just been way too busy being hot as hell with the Olympics to have a chance to check their Facebooks. Now that the Olympics are over, I fully expect them to approve my request soon. I'll keep you updated on this as I'm sure you're very interested.

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And finally Matt-Man's old friend and bat-shit crazy attention whore Colonel Muammar Gaddafi is back in the news. This time he is calling for a Jihad against .... Switzerland.

No really ...... Switzerland!

I guess Gaddafi has just finally had enough of fondue and precision timing instruments. I can't say that I blame him. I think it's time that the Swiss and their direct democracy got knocked off their high horse too. Good call M-Gad.

Dark Days In Vancouver And Other Stuff ...

I've turned comment moderation on for all posts MORE THAN four days old.  There won't be any moderation on current posts, just old ones.  This helps me keep track of Spammy McSpamerson who seems to be really loving my old posts lately.  I'll also know if someone just happens upon an older post and comments as happens from time to time. 

I’m glad it’s possible to turn it on for older posts but leave current posts free and open.  I hate comment moderation, and will never put it on current posts, but because of the enormous amount of spam I have no choice.

But like I said, for current posts, everything is the same.  No word verification, no moderation or anything like that.  Hell, even anonymous trolls can still comment freely.

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I noticed on Sunday that I got Google Buzz when I was checking my email.  I think I'm going to ignore it.  Or disable it.  Or whatever.  I'm not afraid of or opposed to social networking sites.  I mean, I am on Twitter, Facebook and am one of the final six or so people to have a Myspace page.  But, Google Buzz is too much.  Also, some people have said that you are sharing all your email contacts with others in Buzz.  I have some emails of people who probably don't want their personal email out there for everyone.  Anyway, I'm not doing anything with Google Buzz so far, if ever.

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Aren't house boats basically trailer houses on water?  So why do we make fun of and look down on people who live in trailers, but think living in a house boat would be so cool?  And why do house boats cost so much more than trailers?

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I've noticed that I not only get mad at the local weatherman when he's wrong, I get mad at him when he predicts crappy weather.  I don't know why that is.  He isn't causing the crappy weather, he's just telling me it's gonna happen.  I don't get mad at the news reader chick when she reports bad news as if it's her fault.  And I don't get mad at the sports goober dude when he tells me that my team lost as if he is the reason they lost either.  So, why do I get mad at the weatherman for telling me that it's gonna snow?  I don't know either.

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Like the rest of America, and the world for that matter, I’ve been riveted to the TV during the curling action at the Olympics.  It’s amazing. Such a savage and brutal sport.  I think I saw one of the dudes actually sweat in one of the matches. 

Well, actually there’s one guy sweating profusely in each match.  Unfortunately it’s flop sweat. That’s Team USA Skipper John “Choke” Shuster. 

In three consecutive matches he has been in position to throw the game winning final pitch or toss or slide or whatever the fuck they call it, and each time he has not only failed spectacularly, but actually found a way to not only miss the shot, but to give the match away too.  In fact, in one of those matches, he had TWO chances to win it and blew them both.  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything like it.  What a freaking disaster.  The men are now 0-4 for the tournament and basically done.  I wonder if Shuster has money on the other teams? 

Hey, I’m accusing him of anything here.  I’m just saying that if somebody decided to open a little investigation into his finances after the Olympics are over, it might not be a bad idea.

Also, from now on anytime anyone chokes under pressure it will be considered a "Shuster"


As in:  "He has a wide open three for the wiiinnnnnn .... OH! HE SHUSTERED IT!"


"Just a short, chip shot field goal for the win and HE SHUSTERED IT!!"


"Just gotta make this last turn and he'll win the race ... OH NO, HE SHUSTERED AND HIT THE WALL!!"


Anyway, you get the idea.


The women aren’t doing much better.  But at least they have Nicole Joraanstad to make things better.


Sorry, Doc, but I think Nicole > Debbie  … #imjustsayin

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In other Olympic news, I was very sad to see things go badly for snowboarder Linsdey Jacobellis again this year.  I was really hoping that she would make up for that disaster in Torino.   But, she didn’t.  I looked like her board caught a rut or something and she crashed and got DQ’d. 

Anyway, I would just like to publicly offer my personal condolences to Lindsey, and let her know that if she needs anyone to maybe console her through some cuddle therapy, just give me a call babe.

Upping The Danger At The Olympics ...

So, as you probably know by now, a luger from Georgia (the country, not the US state) was tragically killed in practice over the weekend at the Olympics.  He lost control of his sled and went flying off the track and slammed into a steal beam that was not padded or even protected by a net or anything like that.  If you haven't seen the video, you're not trying.  It's been shown over and over again.  There are also many slide shows showing us the moment-by-moment crash and even some close ups of the CPR being performed.

This got me to thinking that upping the danger is a great way for the Olympics to create more interest in their sports activities.  Hey, it's always worked for NASCAR.  After going almost a decade without killing anyone on the track, NASCAR has made the decision to allow the drivers to be more aggressive and "mix it up" a bit*.  The Olympics should too.

So, here are some ideas to increase the chances for death and carnage at the Olympics, done in the same spirit as Avitable's ways of making the Super Bowl more exiting, only with more bloodshed...

- Trap doors on the ice skating rink.  These doors would open unexpectedly and occasionally a figure skater will fall down a 100 foot deep shaft. 

Speaking of figure skaters, don't you think it would be even more fun if the female skaters had to do some work on the stripper pole too?  Yeah, I agree.  It would


- Make the gates on the downhill skiing slope IEDs.  You hit one and go Ka-Boom!

- Place an explosive target on the net behind the goalie in hockey.  Hit the target with the puck and .... you guessed it ....Ka-Boom!

- Add a jump to the slalom.  The skiers have to jump over a moat full of alligators who haven't been fed in three days.

- The cross country skiers have to carry 5 lbs of raw meat with them while they ski through wolf and bear country.

- During the shooting portion of the biathlon, and instead of shooting at targets, they have to shoot at homicidal maniacs rushing towards them wielding machetes.

- In the skiing moguls, on the last jump, one of the three ramps will actually launch the skiier into outer space and they will eventually land in Wasilla, Alaska and have to spend the rest of the Olympics with the Palins.

- Instead of holding hands while skating, the ice dancers will have special handcuffs on that will cut their hands off if they become separated.

- While the short track speed skaters are flying around the ice, there are rodeo cowboys on the inside with ropes trying to lasso them.

- At some point on the bobsled course, another bobsled driven by a little old lady will suddenly merge onto the course in front of the competitors and they'll have to avoid her without crashing.

- During the freestyle aerials, a skier's competitors get to throw tomatoes at them while they're airborne.

- The losers of the curling event have to line up like bowling pins and the winners get to take turns trying to knock them all down withe the curling stone.

- The ski jumpers have to land on an island surrounded by molten lava.

- Put a cover over the freestyle skiing events with spikes on the ceiling in case any of the skiers get too much height on their jumps.


For other events set up various booby traps and give competitors a variety of semi-automatic weapons to keep things interesting.





*This post was written before the Daytona 500, so any deaths during the Great American Race™ are purely coincidental.

I Love America ...

So, I guess by now we all know that the biggest decision in the history of the Olympic Games was made last Friday. The International Olympic Whiskey Drinking and Hooker Banging Committee chose Rio de Janeiro to host the 2016 Summer Games. Also, as we all know, one of the cities that Rio beat out was Chicago, which actually finished fourth. Tokyo (third) and Madrid (second) were the other finalists that nobody cared about.

A lot of people were really surprised that Chicago lost out to Brazil. But, if you break it down scientifically, I think it's pretty easy to see how Rio won.

Rio...


Vs.

Chicago...



So, as you can see, it really wasn't much of a contest.

But, I did find it odd to see how many Americans were rooting against America. Very strange. Personally, I always root for America. That's just the kind of guy I am. Some people aren't like me. Some people hate America and want America to fail. I don't like or understand that mentality, but I've accepted it as just something that is going to happen. But, that's also what is so great about America. Americans are free! Free to root against America. This is why the terrorists hate us. Because of our freedom, right? Terrorists don't allow other terrorists to root against their terrorist nation. But, in America, freedom is what it's all about.

Why do some Americans root against America? Well, usually for either selfish or partisan political reasons. It's a pretty sad day when someone would root against their own country that they claim to love, just because they think it might help "their side" politically. I wouldn't want to be a part of a political party that was looking for political advantage out of bad things happening to America. Or America losing.

It's was really weird. There I was with my American Flag waving, all ready to chant "U-S-A! ... U-S-A! ... U-S-A!" and they announced that Chicago had been eliminated. So I was like "Aww man! Bummer" But then a bunch of my fellow Americans starting cheering and celebrating at America's loss.

I was stunned at such an unpatriotic display.

I mean, what are these people gonna do next? Root against Team USA when we compete at the Olympics? I can see it now. We'll be playing somebody in basketball like .. uh .. Yugoslavia. Is there still a Yugoslavia? Okay, let's go with Croatia. I'll be chanting "U-S-A!" like a real American would, and they'll be chanting "Cro - A - Tia!" cause they think that Team USA losing at basketball will help their political side or something.

You know I can understand people who live in other countries not rooting for America. Kinda At least people who live in cool countries like Mexico or the Netherlands where drugs are legal. They would naturally root against America. But, honestly? There are some people out there who live in really shitty countries and I suspect that they root for America most of the time.

Kind of like people who didn't go to college or maybe went to a crummy school or at least a school that's not any good at football having to find another school to root for. Like say, somebody who attended, oh IDK, Missouri State. MSU sucks at football. I'm not even sure that they play Division 1 football. So, people who attended that school have to find another college football team to support. Usually a winning school like Texas or Southern California.

That's because people root for winners. And America is a winner baby! And that's why I can't believe that some Americans would root for Socialist countries with socialist health care and that allow gay marriage. Wait, I support gay marriage. Scratch that part. Anyway, all of these people, so blinded by their own political dreams were rooting against America and rooting FOR Socialist hell holes. And, as a patriotic real American, that makes me mad.




*In other news. As of the writing of this post, it looks like Matt-Man's kicker will have to produce 29 points on Monday night in order for him to beat me at Fantasy Football. Now, it's not my style to brag about how my team, The Stalkers, beat the living crap outta Matt's team, The Jonas Brothers. I only mention this because I'll bet you that the so-called "Americans" who were rooting against America for the Olympics, are just the kind of people who are probably rooting for Matt's kicker to pull of the impossible and beat me. Because that's just and example of the kind of people they are.