Strippers Are Easier to Talk to Than Hookers ...

I haven’t posted in a few days so I thought I would throw something up here today.  Not that I have anything really all that great to blog about.  But, I don’t want everyone forgetting about me or anything.  So, I thought I would just do a stream of consciousness thing here. 

Aaaaand go….

So my determined march towards dead last place in the tournament pick ‘em game continues unabated.  It began with Florida and Vandy both losing in the early games on Thursday and ended when Texas came from ahead to lose to Wake Forrest on a buzzer beater.  Way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory assholes.  Thanks for the big roundhouse kick straight to the balls.  I swear I’ll never forgive Texas for losing that game.  It was completely and totally embarrassing.  There’s nothing you can do to make me change my mind either Texas.  Not even a weekend alone in a luxury hotel with this cheerleader will make me change my mind…


Uh … Like I said.  I will never forgive Vanderbilt for losing that game. 

Hahaha … see what I did there?  I admitted that she could make me change my mind.  Hell, she could have convinced me to vote for McCain.  Maybe.  Well, I would probably have just lied to her and told her that I did vote for McCain when I really didn’t.  That’s just the kind of guy I am sometimes.  Not all the time.  I mean, I would definitely go get Scmoop some ice cream if she asked me to.  And even though I joked to Matt-Man that it would give me a chance to see if the streetwalkers were out at night yet as the weather warms up, I really wouldn’t have done that either.  Bagwine, Ohio streetwalkers are even a little beneath my standards.  Not far, but far enough.  Actually, it probably depends on the girl and the situation.  

Did I ever tell you about the hooker who was my neighbor in San Antonio?* Yeah, I lived in the ghetto.  Anyway, she was pretty friendly.  I would run into her at the mailboxes a few days a week.  Totally by coincidence too.  I mean, I never sat there staring out the window until I saw her heading for the mailboxes and then took off running to “accidentally” run into her at all.  I’m not that pathetic.  Well, I am, but I really didn’t do that.  Maybe I should have though.  Anyway, if I was still her neighbor I would try to convince her to write a blog.  I bet it would be interesting.  Actually I don’t know if it would be or not cause I never talked “bidness” with her.  Just general chit chat.  But, I was pretty fascinated and dying to ask her some questions about her chosen profession.  Unfortunately I’m a total freaking coward when it comes to those things so I never did.  It’s easier to talk to strippers about stripping than it is to talk to hookers about hooking.

When I lived in Springfield, Mo I lived in another ghetto apt complex.  They rented these studio apts in the back near the highway for like $210 a month.  Turns out there were some hookers working out of those apts too.  Great business plan.  Very low overhead.  I was impressed with their business sense.  Of course, I never knew about them until after the cops had arrested them and the apt complex owners had to “clean up their act” and shit.   So, I never got to run into any of them at the mailboxes there.  Or talk to them at all.  I did talk to the woman who was selling crack out of her apartment once.  It was a very brief conversation that went something like…

Her: “Dude! Why are you fucking parked over here on this side?”
Me: “All the spots in front of my building were taken.”
Her: “Well you need to move your fucking car cause I need that spot for my friends.”
Me: “Uh … Okay, I’ll park on the side.”
Her: “Well hurry up and fucking do it.  That spot needs to be open.”

She was another really smart businesswoman.  Low overhead in a cheap apartment.  Good exposure to a main road that ran in front of one of the high schools so there were customers nearby.  And she understood that people needed convenient parking.  Very smart.  She kind of scared me though.  Don’t know what it was, but I found her intimidating. 

Oh BTW, I never told you who my final four picks are.  I’m going with Kansas v Pitt in one game and West Virginia v Duke in the other.  I’m taking Duke even though I don’t think that they’re that good. But, I’m just assuming they will get there because God hates me. 

Anyway, my national championship match up is Kansas v West Virginia and my national champion pick is …..

West BY GOD Virginia!


I know you were wondering who I was picking.  So, there ya go.  Okay, that’s all I’ve got.




*That was a joke.  I know I’ve mentioned my neighbor the hooker many, many times.

NCAA Championship

Someone please wake me up. I could have sworn that I fell asleep and when I woke up there were no teams from the Big East in the championship. What? You mean it's true?

If your sarcasm detectors haven't already fried, I cannot stand the Big East and all the hype that they get. "Oh, the Big East is the best conference this year." "The Big East has the teams to beat." "It's already a done deal. Either Villanova, Pittsburgh, or UConn will be the champion. No need to even play the game."

So who was in the championship? It was North Carolina from the ACC and Michigan State from the Big 10, which has 11 teams.

What's the deal with the Big East? I actually cannot fault them for the way they manage the conference. See, here's what they did - get a lot of teams in the conference, have the top teams play the bottom teams and next thing you know you have 10 teams with 20 wins. Genius if you ask me.

How many teams are in the Big East? It's difficult to determine. The last time that a statistician was hired to calculate the number of teams, they estimated 45. And of those 45 teams, 27 made the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. It goes without saying that bias and arrogant sports programs, such as ESPN and CBS Sports, favor the Big East.

Furthermore, the analysts criticized the ACC for being weak this year. I think the ACC is similar to the SEC (Southeast Conference). You pack the conference full of good teams and you end up with a tough schedule where the teams have to beat up on each other. If the Big East teams played in a REAL big conference, they'd get their donkey handed to them.

Moreover, prior to the championship game, I didn't hear any analyst, so called expert, predict that Carolina would win. The game was being played in Detroit, home of our government-run car manufacturer, GM, so it was basically a home game for Michigan State. And they were the Cinderella team, the underdog.

When the game was 22-7, I didn't hear too many of them saying that Michigan State was so great. At halftime when Carolina was leading by 21, it sure was quiet. And the best part was at the end of the game when the never-held-accountable analysts said, "I told you Carolina would win. They are the best team and we've been saying it all year." Did you notice how long their noses were growing the more they talked? You could smell it piling up under the broadcast booth from several hundred miles away.

I do not anticipate an apology from CBS for their blatant favoritism, nor for their ridiculous about-face at the end of the game. Instead, you will see all of them telling you how awesome they are for their coverage. Bunch of blow-holes if you ask me. Sort of like Martin O'Malley and the Maryland General Assembly.