Feelin' the Love ....

So, several times I’ve posted about things that annoy me.  Things like blogging pet peeves, sports I hate or things that make me go GRRRRRRRRR.  If you read all of those you would think that I was just some angry guy who hates everything. Well, it’s true totally not true at all.

Actually there are a number of things in this world I like.  Things like long walks on the beach at sunset, the innocence of a child and meeting older men in dark booths of adult bookstores.  Okay, I made one of those three up. 

Anyway, my point is, I’m not all about the hate.  And, to prove it today I will post about the things I love. 

- The internet.  Even with all the stupid shit and bad porn, the internet is full of all kinds of awesome.

- Legs.  Oh sure, everyone loves boobs.  And a nice round ass is always fun too.  But, absolutely nothing is better than a really sexy pair of legs. 


-  The fact that most of you are still unable to get past that whole “meeting strange men in dark booths of the adult bookstore” line.  And the fact that you’re hoping that one isn’t true and then feeling bad that you’re hoping that cause you don’t wanna be all Judgy McJudgerson.

- Wine.  Oh sure, beer is great.  I like it very much.  But, nothing leaves me feeling mellow and warm and fuzzy the way wine does. 

- Food.  I’m not talking about some fancy, super expensive meal at a high-end restaurant.  I’m talking really good food.  Burgers with bacon and smoked cheddar cheese on them.  Pizza with extra sauce and beef, sausage, pepperoni, Canadian bacon and real bacon.  Pork chops.  Fried chicken. Mashed potatoes.  All the good comfort foods. 

- Strippers.  Okay, so you’re probably thinking “Yeah, you’ve pretty much established this dude.”  Well, you’re right.  But, there are some people out there who don’t really believe me.  But, strippers are pretty much the most awesome people on Earth.  If I ever get married it will probably be to a stripper.  Okay, maybe not.  But, that’s only because I’m not awesome enough for them to marry me.  And I’m absolutely convinced that the vast majority of strippers have a lot more dignity and self-respect than the majority of their customers.

- The feeling of tightie whities when I first pull them out of the dryer.  The warm embrace of my boys just makes me feel good all over.

- Sitting outside in the cool of the evening breeze having a bit of bourbon or Scotch while enjoying the remains of the day.

- Dogs.  Dogs fucking rule.  They are the coolest creatures on Earth and way cooler than most people.

- BACONNNNN!

- College and NFL football.  In fact, this would be a good time to announce that Football Saturdays will be returning to this blog this fall.  I will be posting my picks against the spread for selected college and NFL games.  Yeah, I know you don’t care, but it’s my blog so I’ll do what I want.

- Home improvement shows.  I have never owned a home.  I may never own a home.  But, I do love me some home improvement shows.

- Food Network.  I can’t believe how much time I spend watching the Food Network.  My current favorite chef on there?  Giada de Laurentiis Anne Burrell.  She makes some really amazing stuff and cracks me up. 

- And finally ….. YOU GUYS!  You guys all just freaking rock.  Even if you truncate posts in reader, make it ridiculously hard to comment sometimes and are still focusing on that “older men in dark booths” line, you are all awesome in your own way. 

*sniff, sniff*

Okay, enough of this nice blog shit.

Lusty, Lusty, Lusty ...

So, Kay over at “Perhaps We Learned Something” has invented a little meme that is going to last exactly seven weeks. Being the joiner I am, I’ve decided to play along.


Basically the idea is that she’s going to post one of the Seven Deadly Sins each week, and then we are supposed to write about it. Or do a photo blog about it. Or a vlog. Or whatever. I guess a vlog would be okay, right Kay? You didn’t mention vlogs, but that might be fun.

Anyhoodle, this is week one of the Seven Deadly Sins Meme. And for week one is the sin is …

LUST!

Yeah, baby!


My first thought when I saw that this week’s word was “STRIPPER STORIES!!!” But, then I saw that she asked up keep it PG-13. So, stripper stories are out.

So, instead I will tell a couple of stories from back in the day. The first one takes place in San Francisco, CA.

It was the first time I had ever been there. My brother in law was stationed at Mather Air Force Base in Sacrament and my mother and I went out there to visit. On our visit we made a day trip to San Francisco. Needless to say, it was clear right from the beginning that we weren’t in Arkansas any more.

Anyway, it was our intention to make our way to the Fisherman’s Warf, but we got lost. I’m sure anyone from there, or near there, probably thinks that there is no way to get lost looking for something that EVERYBODY goes to. But, we did.

I’ve never been concerned with getting lost. I just figure it’s part of the sight-seeing trip. So I rather enjoyed driving through different areas of the city. Then we made a turn down some street and found ourselves in a rather interesting neighborhood. To our right was the Lusty Lady Theater …


Needless to say I was the only one in the Jeep Cherokee who thought stopping and going inside would be a good idea. So, we drove on past. But, I did make a note of the place. Just in case I ever made it back.

--

Next I will tell the story about the very first thing that popped into my head when I saw that this week’s word was “Lust.” I have no idea why I thought of this.

When I was a freshman at the University of Arkansas, the town of Fayetteville and the school were both still pretty funky. It would be about five years still before the liberal corporate elitists would take control of the town from the hippies and yuppify the place, thus ruining it.

Also, the 1st Amendment was still intact, and people could set themselves up on the plaza in front of the student union and do some sort of one man protest. Sometimes they would try to get people to save the whales, sometimes it was the rainforests and sometimes they were preaching the gospel. Now of course, you have pay for permit and then go to the designated “fee speech zone.” Don’t get me started.

Anyway, very late in the spring semester, a middle aged man showed up one Monday, carrying a microphone and amp set. He then began to preach the word of God to everyone as we wandered by on our way to and from class or whatever important things we were doing. As the week went on the crowds began to grow and people began to go down there to debate him. It got to be quite the entertaining show. The debates were, for the most part, very respectful and at times very deep and philosophical.

With one exception. Anytime a coed wearing a short dress or shorts would walk past, or come up to him, the man would stop whatever he was talking about, point at her, and yell “LUSTY, LUSTY, LUSTY!” Needless to say, the crowd started joining in with him each time. This made the whole thing even more entertaining.

But, best of all was the fact that by the end of the week, many girls had decided that they too wanted to be called “lusty” by this guy. So, the plaza became a parade of young, fit coeds strutting around in mini-skirts and short-shorts.


It was a beautiful sight. Girls wearing skimpy outfits walking around, and large crowds of both men and women, led by Mr. Preacherman, shouting “LUSTY, LUSTY, LUSTY” at them.

In fact, it was so much fun that on Friday my buddies and I filled some big 64 ounce plastic cups from the 7-11 (you know the kind with the tight-fitting lid and plastic straw) with beer or a mixture of Bacardi 151 and Gatorade and headed down to watch the show. For most of the afternoon we sat there, drinking alcohol and eating pizza from Jim’s Razorback Pizza in the Union and watched the lusty little ladies strut their stuff.

Next to that party at the Sig Ep house, where those four girls got up on the tables and danced naked, the preacher man was probably the most entertaining thing that happened that semester.

Progress ...

Mother Nature sure is strange. For a couple of days she is a savage beast. Pouring ice, bitter cold temperatures and destruction down on us. Then, suddenly she changes her mind and gives us a weekend full of sunshine and temps in the upper 50s and 60s. You just never know what that bitch is going to do next.

Oh, and you might remember back this summer when we had all those big storms and tornadoes here? Well, I might have mocked Mother Nature in one of my posts after that. Our fence around the parking lot fell, but the section in front of my car stayed up. So, I teased Mother Nature that she missed out on a chance to take out my car.

Well this time she took another swing. The top part of a big Evergreen Tree snapped and fell right NEXT to my car…


CLOSE! But, no cigar sweetheart. ;-)



So the recovery is moving along at a pretty good pace. The power is back on for most of the town and all the stores and gas stations are back up and running. I’m very surprised that the local oil companies and gas stations didn’t use this as an opportunity to jack the prices up. They normally do. Anyway, it was Sunday before we finally had more than two gas stations open and pumping fuel.

Must of the rural areas outside of town are still in the dark though. Progress comes much slower to those folks. Of course, here in town there are still a couple of spots that don’t have power either. Scenes like this one can still be found …


Can you see that the only thing keeping that tree from falling across the road is the power line? That’s kind of scary.


Oh and I need to take a moment to remind some people of a couple of things …

1. I understand that the task of cleaning up all the debris is daunting, but don’t you think you could at least pull some of YOUR tree limbs off the road?

2. When the power goes out, the street lights go out too. This means that all intersections are 4-way stops. Please observe this very simple rule. Also, flashing red lights mean STOP.

3. Also, while driving down the street, if there is an obstruction in YOUR lane, and another car (say, ME) coming in the other direction, it is YOU who should stop and let the other car (ME) pass. Asshole.

4. I realize that standing in line at the checkout at Wal-Mart is boring and frustrating, but if you have a cart overflowing with stuff, you just can’t get into the 10 Items or Less express isle. Sorry about that.


*I was going to respond to an email I got this weekend here, but decided against it. Maybe another time.


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As you probably know, February is Black History Month in the United States and Canada. The staff here at the Cynical Bastard would like to help everyone celebrate Black History Month with Aisha Tyler …


Not only is this long-legged goddess ridiculously gorgeous, funny and talented, but she’s ridiculously smart too. Aisha graduated form Dartmouth with a degree in Political Science. AND, as if that isn’t enough, she is also an avid home brewer.

She makes her own beer!

Long legs, smart and makes her own beer? My God! She’s perfect!